Dialogi mortuorum

Charon I'll tell you how things stand. Our craft, as you see, is small, and leaky, and three-parts rotten; a single lurch, and she will capsize without more ado. And here are all you passengers, each with his luggage. If you come on board like that, I am afraid you may have cause to repent it; especially those who have not learnt to swim.

Hermes Then how are we to make a trip of it?

Charon I'll tell you. They must leave all this nonsense behind them on shore, and come aboard in their skins. As it is, there will be no room to spare. And in future, Hermes, mind you admit no one till he has cleared himself of encumbrances, as I say. Stand by the gangway, and keep an eye on them, and make them strip before you let them pass.

Hermes Very good. Well, Number One, who are you?

Menippus Menippus. Here are my wallet and staff; overboard with them. I had the sense not to bring my cloak.

Hermes Pass on, Menippus; you’re a good fellow; you shall have the seat of honour, up by the pilot, where you can see every one.—

Here is a handsome person; who is he?

Charmoleos Charmoleos of Megara; the irresistible, whose kiss was worth a thousand pounds,

Hermes That beauty must come off,—lips, kisses, and all; the flowing locks, the blushing cheeks, the skin entire. That’s right. Now we're in better trim;—you may pass on.—

And who is the stunning gentleman in the purple and the diadem?

Lampichus I am Lampichus, tyrant of Gela.

Hermes And what is all this splendour doing here, Lampichus?

Lampichus How! would you have a tyrant come hither stripped?

Hermes A tyrant! That would be too much to expect. But with a shade we must insist. Off with these things.

Lampichus There, then:-away goes my wealth.

Hermes Pomp must go too, and pride; we shall be overfreighted else.

Lampichus At least let me keep my diadem and robes.

Hermes No, no; off they come!

Lampichus Well? That is all, as you see for yourself.

Hermes There is something more yet: cruelty, folly, insolence, hatred.

Lampichus There then: I am bare.