When the time was ripe, we dined on our elbows. Both faldstools and truckles were at hand. The dinner was picked up;[*](The phrase dmé cvpdopav to Lexiphanes meant “off contributions” (of the individual guests), but to anyone else in his day it meant “off catastrophes.” ) many different viands had been made ready, pig’s trotters, spareribs, tripe, the caul of a sow that had littered, panned pluck, spoonmeat of cheese and honey, shallot-pickle and other such condiments, crumpets, stuffed fig-leaves, sweets. Of submarine victuals, too, there were many sorts of selacian, all the ostraceans, cuts of Pontic tunny in hanapers, Copaic lassies,[*](Copaic eels. ) vernacular fowl, muted chanticleers, and an odd fish—the parasite. Yes, and we had a whole sheep barbecued, and the hind-quarter of an edentulous ox. Besides, there was bread from Siphae, not bad, and novilunar buns, too late for the fair, as well as vegetables, both underground and over grown. And there was wine, not vetust, but out of a leathern bottle, dry by now but still crude.
Drinking-cups of all kinds stood on the dresser,
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your brow-hider, your Mentor-made
[*](This is said to be the only reference to Mentor in extant Greek literature. The scholia allude to him as a maker of glassware, but various allusions in Latin writers from Cicero to Juvenal and Martial (especially Pliny, Nat. Hist., XX XIII, 147) make it clear that he was a silversmith whose productions were highly esteemed as antiques in Cicero’s time. When and where he lived is not indicated. ) dipper with a convenient tail-piece, your gurgler, your longnecker, many “earth-borns” like what Thericles
[*](Thericles seems to have been a Corinthian potter, contemporary with Aristophanes (Athen., XI, 470). His name became attached to certain shapes, and even to imitations of these shapes in metal, made at Athens and Rhodes (Athen. XI, 469 8). Cicero (in Verrem, II, 4, 38) speaks of certain cups that are called Thericleian, made by the hand of Mentor with supreme craftsmanship. ) used to bake, vessels both ventricose and patulous, some from Phocaeawards, other some from Cnidos way, all airy trifles,
[*](By ἀνεμφόρητα Lexiphanes means “light enough to blow away,” but might be taken to mean “wind-blown.” Cf. ἀφόρητα, p. 307, n. 5. ) hymen-thin. There were also boats, chalices, and lettered mugs,
[*](Caps with an inscription; Athenaeus, XI, 466c (Gulick V, 56). ) so that the cupboard was full.
The calefactor,[*](According to Athen., III, 98c, the name ἰπνολέβης was used by the “pinean Sophists” for the apparatus for heating water which the Romans called a μιλιάριον. ) however, slopped over on our heads and delivered us a consignment of coals. But we drank bottoms up and soon were well fortified. Then we endued ourselves with baccharis, and someone trundled in the girl that treads the mazy and juggles balls; after which, one of us, scrambling up to the coekloft, went looking for something to top off with,[*](The word ἐπιφόρημα means at once coverlet and (in Tonic) dessert. ) whilst another fell to thrumming and another laughingly wriggled his hips.
Meantime, after lavation, came rollicking in to us, self-invited, Megalonymus the pettifogger, Chaereas the goldworker, he with the back of many colours, and Eudemus the broken-ear.”[*](Chaereas’ back bore the stripes of the lash; Eudemus wa a pugilist with "cauliflower" ears. ) I asked
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them what possessed them to come late. Quoth Chaereas: “I was forging trumpery for my daughter, balls and chains, and that is why I have come in on top of your dinner.” “For my part,” quoth Megalonymus, “I was about other matters. The day was incapable of justice,
[*](For ἄδικος ("unjust") as applied to a day in the sense that court was not held on it, cf. Athen. 98 B (Pompeianus). ) as ye wit, and incompetent for pleading; wherefore, as there was a truce of the tongue, I was unable either to palaver or, as is my diurnal habit, to solicit.
[*](Both the verbs of the original (rendered “palaver and “solicit”) refer to pleading in court and carry allusions to the custom of timing pleas by the water-clock. One of them (ῥησιμετρεῖν) is ridiculed in the Mistaken Critic, 24 (p.400). ), Learning that the magistrate was being grilled in public,
[*](Lexiphanes would be understood to mean “roasted,” but what he really meant was “visible.” Cf. Athen., 98 a (Pompeianus). ) I took an unvalued
[*](For ἄχρηστα, usually "useless,” in the sense "unused,” cf. Athen., 98A (Pompeianus), 97E (Ulpian). ) cloak, of sheer tissue, and priceless
[*](In the Greek, ἀφόρητα (“unbearable”) in the sense “unworn,” cf. Athen., 98A (Pompeianus). ) boots, and emitted myself.
Forthwith I hit upon the Torch-bearer and the Hierophant, with the other participants in unutterable rites,[*](Those of the Eleusinian Mysteries. ) haling Deinias neck and crop to the office, bringing the charge that he had named them, albeit he knew right well that from the time when they were hallowed they were nameless and thenceforth ineffable, as being now all Hieronymuses.”[*](The adjective “of hallowed name” was itself used as a name. Unintentionally, Lexiphanes suggests that they have changed their names. )
“I do not know,” said I, “the Deinias that you mention, but the name intrigues me.”[*](No doubt because the name deinias was given to a variety of drinking pot (Athenaeus, XI, 467 D—E). ) “A clove-
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engulfing haunter of gaming-houses,” quoth he; “one of those bezonians, those joculators, a curlilocks, wearing lace boots or pantoffles, with manches to his shirt.”
[*](The word here used for boots (€vSpoyéSas) had another meaning—a kind of woman’s cloak. ) “Well,’ said I, ‘did he in some wise pay the piper; or did he take himself off after setting his heel upon them?” “Verily,” said he, “that fellow, the whilom swaggerer, is now ensconced; for, notwithstanding his reluctation, the magistrate decked him out with wristlets and a necklace and lodged him in the bilboes and the stocks. Wherefore, being impounded, the sorry wretch fusted for fear, and trumped, and was fain to give weregelt.”
[*](In my opinion ypjpuara dvrifvya is misused here, for it means “blood-money,” or weregelt, rather than “ransom.” )