Rhetorum praeceptor

Lucian of Samosata

Lucian, Vol. 4. Harmon, A. M., editor. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1925.

“Let your friends spring to their feet constantly and pay you for their dinners by lending you a hand whenever they perceive that you are about to fall down, and giving you a chance to find what to say next in the intervals afforded by their applause. Of course you must make it your business to have a well-attuned chorus of your own.[*](The word chorus here approaches the sense that it has in Libanius, where it designates the different bands of scholars attached to the various professors at Athens. So Aelian (Var. Hist. 3, 19) says of Aristotle that he gathered about him a chorus of pupils, and set upon Plato. Cf. Plato, Prot. 315 B. ) “There you have what concerns the speaking. Afterwards let them[*](Not simply the friends, but the spectators also. See Lucian’s Zeus. ) dance attendance upon you as you go away with your head swathed in your mantle, reviewing what you have said. And if any one accosts you, make marvellous assertions about yourself, be extravagant in your self-praise, and make yourself a nuisance to him.[*](This is not the orator, but Lucian himself, breaking through the veil of irony and saying what he really thinks. See below. ) ‘What was Demosthenes beside me?’ ‘Perhaps one of the ancients is in the running with me!’ and that sort of thing.

“I almost omitted the thing that is most important and most needful for maintaining your reputation. Laugh at all the speakers. If anyone makes a fine speech, let it appear that he is parading something that belongs to someone else and is not his own ; and if he is mildly criticized, let everything that he says be objectionable. At public lectures, go in after everybody else, for that makes you conspicuous; and when everybody is silent, let fall an uncouth expression of praise which will draw the attention of the company and so annoy them that they will all be disgusted at the vulgarity of your

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language and will stop their ears.[*](Here again Lucian himself breaks through, and describes what a fellow of this sort actually does. The man himself would put it quite differently. ) Do not make frequent gestures of assent, for that is common, and do not rise,[*](A form of applause; cf. Essays in Portraiture Defended, c. 4, at end. ) except once or at most twice. As a rule, smile faintly, and make it evident that you are not satisfied with what is being said. There are plenty of opportunities for criticism if one has captious ears.

“For the rest, you need have no fear. Effrontery and shamelessness, a prompt lie, with an oath to confirm it always on the edge of your lips, jealousy and hatred of everyone, abuse and plausible slanders —all this will make you famous and distinguished in an instant.