Vitarum auctio

ZEUS Remove him ; bring on another—stay ! those two, the one from Abdera who laughs and the one from Ephesus who cries, for I want to sell them together.[*](The Schools of Democritus of Abdera, the propounder of the atomic theory, and of Heraclitus of Ephesus, who originated the doctrine of the flux; he held that fire is the first principle, and its manifestations continually change, so that nothing isstable. Both representatives talk Ionic Greck.)

HERMES Come down among us, you two. I sell the two best philosophies; we offer the two that are sagest of all.

BUYER Zeus ! What a contrast! One of thei never stops laughing, and the other is apparently mourning a death, as he weeps incessantly. What is the matter, man? Why are you laughing?

DEMOCRITEAN Dost thou need to ask? Because to me it seemeth that all your affairs are laughable, and yourselves as well.

BUYER What, are you laughing at us all, and do you think nothing of our affairs?

DEMOCRITEAN Even so; for there is nothing serious in them, but everything is a hollow mockery, drift of atoms, infinitude.

BUYER No indeed, but you yourself are a hollow mockery in very truth and an infinite ass.

Oh, what effrontery! Will you never stop laughing? (Zo the other.) But you, why do youcry? For I think it is much more becoming to talk with you.

HERACLITEAN Because I consider, O stranger, that the affairs of man are woeful and tearful, and there is naught in them that is not foredoomed; therefore I pity and grieve for men. And their present woes I do not consider great, but those to come in future will be wholly bitter; I speak of the great conflagrations

and the collapse of the universe. It is for this that I grieve, and because nothing is fixed, but all things are in a manner stirred up into porridge, and joy and joylessness, wisdom and unwisdom, great and small are all but the same, circling about, up and down, and interchanging in the game of Eternity.

BUYER And what is Eternity ?

HERACLITEAN A child playing a game, moving counters, in discord, in concord.

BUYER What are men?

HERACLITEAN Mortal gods.

BUYER And the Gods ?

HERACLITEAN Immortal men.

BUYER Are you telling riddles, man, or making conundrums? You are just like Apollo, for you say nothing plainly.[*](Heraclitus was nicknamed ὁ σκοτεινός, “the Obscure.”) HERACLITEAN Because you matter naught to me.

BUYER Then nobody in his sense will buy you.

HERACLITEAN I bid ye go weep, one and all, buy you or buy you not.

BUYER This fellow’s trouble is not far removed from insanity. However, I for my part will not buy either of them.

HERMES They are left unsold also.

ZEUS Put up another.

HERMES Do you want the Athenian over there, who has so much to say?[*](Both Socrates and Plato contribute to the picture of the typical Academic. Consequently some editors, misled by the manuscripts (see introductory note) ascribe the part of Academic to Socrates, some to Plato, and some divide it between the two.) ZEUS By all means.

HERMES Come here, sir. We are putting up a righteous and intelligent philosophy. Who'll buy the height of sanctity ?

BUYER Tell me what you know best ?

ACADEMIC I am a lover, and wise in matters of love.

BUYER How am I to buy you, then? What I wanted was a tutor for my son, who is handsome.

ACADEMIC But who would be more suitable than I to associate with a handsome lad? It is not the body I love, it is the soul that I hold beautiful. As a matter of

fact, even if they lie beneath the same cloak with me, they will tell you that I have done them no wrong.[*](See Plato’s Symposium, particularly 216 p-219 D.) BUYER I can’t believe what you say, that you, though a lover, take no interest in anything beyond the soul, even when you have the opportunity, lying beneath the same cloak.