Icaromenippus

MENIPPUS Ir was three thousand furlongs, then, from the earth to the moon, my first stage; and from there up to the sun perhaps five hundred leagues; and from the sun to Heaven itself and the citadel of Zeus would be also a day’s ascent for an eagle travelling light.

FRIEND In the name of the Liberal Arts, Menippus, why are you playing astronomer and surveyor on the quiet like that? For a long time I have been following you about and listening to your outlandish talk about suns and moons and even those outworn topics, stages and leagues.

MENIPPUS Don’t be surprised, my friend, if my talk seems to you to be.up in the air and flighty; I am just figuring up the total length of my recent journey.

FRIEND So you did like the Phoenicians, old chap, and guessed your way by the stars ¢

MENIPPUS No indeed, I made my journey right among the stars,

MENIPPUS Dream, man! Do you think I’m telling you a dream? [am just back from a visit to Zeus.

FRIEND What’s that you say? Menippus here from Heaven, dropt from the clouds ?

MENIPPUS Here I an, I tell you, just come back to-day from the very presence of your great Zeus himself, and I have seen and heard wonderful things. If you don’t believe me, I am overjoyed precisely because my good luck is beyond belief,

FRIEND Why, my divine Menippus, my Olympian Menippus, how can a mortal groundling like myself disbelieve a sky-man—in fact, to use the words of Homer, a son of Heaven?[*](Iliad 5, 373 ; 898.) But tell ine, please, how you were carried aloft, and where you got so long a ladder ; for as far as looks go you are too little like the lad of Phrygia for us to suppose that, like hii, you were snatched up by the eagle to become a cupbearer.[*](The reference is to the story of Ganymede.)

MENIPPUS You have clearly been making fun of me this long time, and it is no wonder you think that my strange story is like a fairy-tale. However, I had no need of your ladder; for my ascent, nor yet to become the eagle’s pet, for I had wings of my own.

MENIPPUS Your guess is well-aimed, my friend, and hits the bull’s-eye ; for I myself constructed wings, patterned after Daedalus’ clever invention.

FRIEND Of all the foolhardy men in the world! Then you weren’t afraid you would fall into the water somewhere and give us a Menippean Sea named after yourself, to match the Icarian ?

MENIPPUS Not at all; Icarus had his feathers fitted on with wax, and so just as soon as that melted in the sun he shed his plumage, of course, and fell down ; but my wings were innocent of wax.

FRIEND What do you mean? For by now, sofhehow or other, you are gradually inclining me to believe in the truth of your story.

MENIPPUS This is what I mean; taking a good large eagle and also a strong vulture and cutting off their wings, joints and all—but I'll tell you the whole scheme from first to last, if you have time.

FRIEND By all means; here I am in suspense, thanks to what you have said, and already waiting with open mouth for the end of your tale. In the name of Friendship, don’t leave me hanging by the ears somewhere in the midst of the story.

MENIPPUS Listen then, for a friend left in the lurch with his mouth open would be anything but a pretty spectacle, especially if he were hanging by the ears, as you say you are. As soon as I began to find, in the course of my investigation of life, that all objects of human endeavour are ridiculous and trivial and insecure (wealth, I mean, and office and sovereign power), contemning those things and assuming that the effort to get them was an obstacle to getting things truly worth effort, I undertook to lift my eyes and contemplate the universe. In so doing I was caused great perplexity, first of all by what the philosophers call the Cosmos, for I could not discover how it came into being or who made it, or its source or purpose. Then in examining it part by part I was compelled to rack my brains still more, for I saw the stars scattered hap-hazard about the sky, and I wanted to know what the sun itself could be. Above all, the peculiarities of the moon seemed to me extraordinary and completely paradoxical, and I conjectured that her multiplicity of shapes had some hidden reason. More than that, lightning flashing and thunder crashing and rain or snow or hail driving down were all hard to interpret and impossible to reason out.

Being in that state of mind, I thought it best to learn about all these points from the philosophers, for I supposed that they surely would be able to tell the whole truth.” So I picked out the best of them, as far as I could judge from their dourness of visage,

FRIEND Extraordinary that learned men quarrelled with each other about their doctrines and did not hold the same views about the same things !

MENIPPUS Indeed, my friend, it will make you laugh to hear about the way they bragged and worked wonders in their talk! Why, in the first place, they-stood on the ground and were not a bit better than the rest of us who walk the earth; in fact, they were not even sharper sighted than their neighbours, but some of them were actually purblind through age or idleness. In spite of that, however, they claimed to discern the boundaries of Heaven, they measured

Moreover, was it not silly and completely absurd that when they were talking about things so uncertain they did not make a single assertion hypothetically but were vehement in their insistence and gave the rest no chance to outdo them in exaggeration; all but swearing that the sun is a mass of molten metal, that the moon is inhabited, and that the stars drink water, the sun drawing up the moisture from the sea with a rope and bucket, as it were, and distributing the beverage to all of them in order?

As for the contradictory nature of their theories, that is easy to appreciate. Just see for yourself, in Heaven’s name, whether their doctrines are akin and not widely divergent. First of all, there is their difference of opinion about the universe. Some

FRIEND They are very presumptuous charlatans by what you say, Menippus.

MENIPPUS But my dear man, what if I should tell you all they said about “ideas” and incorporeal entities, or their theories about the finite and the infinite? On the latter point also they had a childish dispute, some of them setting a limit to the universe and others considering it to be unlimited; nay more, they asserted that there are many worlds and censured those who talked as if there were but one. Another, not a man of peace, opined that war was the father of the universe.[*](Heraclitus. The lack of connection between this sentence and the foregoing leads me to suspect that we have lost a ortion of the Greek text containing a reference to the theories of the other Ionians.)

As for the gods, why speak of them at all, seeing that to some a number was god, while others swore by geese and dogs and plane-trees?[*](Socrates. See Philosophies for Sale, 16.) Moreover, some banished all the rest of the gods and assigned the governance of the universe to one only, so that it made me a little disgusted to hear that gods were so scarce. Others, however, lavishly declared them

When I heard all this, the result was that I did not venture to disbelieve “high-thundering” gentlemen with goodly beards, and yet did not know where to turn in order to find a point of doctrine that was unassailable and not in any way subject to refutation by someone else. So I went through just what Homer speaks of; again and again I was fain to believe one of them,

1. “but other counsel drew me back.

Since I flew down without mischance, I began to aspire high and used to take wing from Parnes or Hymettus, flying to Geraneia and from there up to Acrocorinthus and then over Pholoe and Erymanthus clear to Taygetus. Now that I had thoroughly practised my experiment and had become an adept and a lofty soarer, I no longer had fledgling aspirations but ascended Olympus, provisioned myself as lightly as I could and this time made straight for Heaven. At first I was dizzied by the height, but afterwards I stood even that without discomfort. But when I had left the clouds far below and had got close to the moon, I felt myself getting tired, especially in

FRIEND Then do tell me about it, Menippus, so that I may not miss a single detail of the trip, but may even know whatever you may have found out incidentally. I assure you, I am looking forward to hearing a good deal about the shape of the earth and about everything upon it as it looked to you, viewing it all from above.

MENIPPUS You are right in your assumption, my friend, so mount up to the moon in fancy as best you can and share my trip and my view of the whole scheme of things on earth.

In the first place, imagine that the earth you see is very small, far less than the moon, [ mean; so that when I suddenly peered down I was long uncertain where the big mountains and the great sea were, and if I had not spied the Colossus of Rhodes[*](The Colossus of Rhodes had been lying prostrate for several centuries at the time this dialogue was written. It stood upright for only 56 years (ca. 283-2278.¢.). Consequently the allusion is thought to come from Menippus.) and the lighthouse on Pharos, I vow I shouldn’t have known the earth at all. But as it was, the fact that they were high and prominent and that the ocean glinted in the sun showed me that what I saw was the earth. But as soon as I had concentrated my gaze fixedly, the life of man

MENIPPUS Thanks for reminding me; somehow or other I neglected to say what I certainly should have said. When I recognised the earth by sight, but was unable to distinguish anything else on account of the height, because my vision did not carry so far, the thing annoyed me excessively and put me in a great quandary. I was downcast and almost in tears when the philosopher Empedocles came and stood behind me, looking like a cinder, as he was covered with ashes and all burned up. On catching sight of him I wasa bit startled, to tell the truth, and thought I beheld a lunar spirit ; but he said “Don’t be alarmed, Menippus;

1. No god am I: why liken me to them?

“No,” said I, “unless you are going to take the mist from my eyes somehow. At present my sight seems to be uncommonly blurred.” “Why,” said he, “you won’t need my services at all, for you yourself have brought the power of sharp sight with you from the earth.” “What is it, then, for I don’t know?” I said. “Don’t you know,” said he, “that you are wearing the right wing of an cagle?” “Of course,” said I, “but what is the connection between wings and eyes?” “This,” said he; “the eagle so far surpasses all the other creatures in strength of sight that he alone can look square at the sun, and the mark of the genuine royal cagle is that he can face its rays without winking an eye.” “So they say,” I

No sooner had I flapped the wing than a great light broke upon me and all that was formerly invisible was revealed. Bending down toward earth, I clearly saw the cities, the people and all that they* were doing, not only abroad but at home, when they thought they were unobserved. I saw Ptolemy lying with his sister, Lysimachus’ son conspiring against his father, Seleucus’ son Antiochus flirting surreptitiously with his stepmother, Alexander of ‘Thessaly getting killed by his wife, Antigonus committing adultery with the wife of his son, and

Although the doings of the kings afforded me such rare amusement, those of the common people were far more ridiculous, for I could see them too— Hermodorus the Epicurean perjuring himself for a thousand drachmas, the Stoie Agathocles going to law with his disciple about a fee, the orator Clinias stealing a cup out of the Temple of Asclepius and the Cynic Herophilus asleep in the brothel. Why mention the rest of them—the burglars, the bribe-takers, the money-lenders, the beggars? In brief, it was a motley and manifold spectacle.

FRIEND Really, you might as well tell about that too, Menippus, for it scems to have given you unusual pleasure.

MENIPPUS To tell it all from first to last, my friend, would be

As all these things were going on at the same time, you can imagine what a hodge-podge it looked. It is as if one should put on the stage a company of singers, or I should say a number of companies, and then should order each singer to abandon harmony and sing a tune of his own; with cach one full of emulation and carrying his own tune and striving to outdo his neighbour in loudness of voice, what, in the name of Heaven, do you suppose the song would be like ?

FRIEND Utterly ridiculous, Menippus, and all confused.

MENIPPUS Well, my friend, such is the part that all carth’s singers play, and such is the discord that makes

I was especially inclined to laugh at the people who quarrelled about boundary-lines, and at those who plumed themselves on working the plain of Sicyon or possessing the district of Oenoe in Marathon or owning a thousand acres in Acharnae. As a matter of fact, since the whole of Greece as it looked to me then from on high was no bigger than four fingers, on that scale surely Attica was infinitesimal. I thought, therefore, how little there was for our friends the rich to be proud of ; for it seemed to me that the widest-acred of them all had but a single Epicurean atom under cultivation. And when I looked toward the Peloponnese and caught sight of Cynuria, I noted what a tiny region, no bigger in any way than an Egyptian bean, had caused so many Argives and Spartans to fall in a single day.[*](Compare the close of the Charon.) Again, if T saw any man pluming himself on gold because he had eight rings and four cups, I laughed heartily at him too, for the whole of Pangacum, mines and all, was the size of a grain of millet.

FRIEND You lucky Menippus, what a surprising spectacle !

MENIPPUS I suppose you have often seen a swarm of ants, in which some are huddling together about the mouth of the hole and transacting affairs of state in public, some are going out and others are coming back again to the city; one is carrying out the dung, and another has caught up the skin of a bean or half a grain of wheat somewhere and is running off with it; and no doubt there are among them, in due proportion to the habits of ants, builders, politicians, aldermen, musicians, and philosophers. But however that may be, the cities with their population resembled nothing so much as ant-hills. If you think it is belittling to compare men with the institutions of ants, look up the ancient fables of the Thessalians and you will find that the Myrmidons, the most warlike of races, turned from ants into men. Well, when I had looked and laughed at everything to my heart’s content, I shook myself and flew upward,

1. Unto the palace of Zeus, to the home of the other immortals.

Before I had gone a furlong upward, the moon spoke with a voice like a woman’s and said: “Menippus, Pll thank you kindly to do me a service with Zeus.” "Tell me what it is,’ said I, “it will be no trouble at all, unless you want me to carry something.” "Take a simple message and a request from me to