Gallus

I met at the door a number of people, and among them, carried on the shoulders of four bearers, the man whose place I was to have filled, who they said was ill; and in fact he was clearly ina bad way. At any rate he groaned and coughed and hawked in a hollow and Giencive way, and was all pale and flabby, a man of about sixty. He was said to be one of those philosophers who talk rubbish to the boys, and in fact. he had a regular goat’s beard, excessively long. And when Archibius, the doctor, took him to task for coming in that condition, “Duty,” he said, “must not be shirked, especially by a philosopher, though a thousand illnesses stand in his way; Eucrates would think he had been slighted by me.” “No indeed,” ‘said I, “He will commend you if you choose to die at home rather than to hawk and spit your life away at his party!” But the man’s pride

was so great that he pretended not to have heard the sally. In a moment Eucrates joined us after his bath, and on seeing ‘Thesmopolis—for that was the philosopher’s name—he said : “Professor, it was very good of you to come to us, but you would not have fared any the worse if you had stayed away, for everything from first to last would have been sent you.” With that he started to go in, conducting Thesmopolis, who was supported by the servants too.

I was getting ready to go away, but he turned my way and hesitated a good while, and then, as he saw that I was very: downeast, said: “You come in too, Micyllus, and dine with us. Tl make my son eat with his mother in the women’s quarters so that you may have room.” I went in, therefore, after coming within an ace of licking my lips for nothing, like the wolf[*](The proverb seems to be founded on the fable of the wolf and the old woman ; she threatened to throw a baby to the wolf if it did not stop crying, and the wolf waited all day for the baby, only to go home disappointed. (Aesop, 275 Halm.)); I was ashamed, however, because I seemed to have driven Eucrates’ boy out of the dining-room.

When it was time to go to the table, first of all they picked Thesmopolis up and put him in place, not without some difficulty, though there were five stout lads, I think, to do it; and they stuffed eushions all round about him so that he could maintain his position and hold out for a long time. Then, as nobody else could endure to lie near him, they took me and put me in the place below him, making us neighbours at table. Then, Pythagoras, we began eating a dinner of many courses and great variety, served on gold and silver plate in profusion,

and there were goblets of gold and handsome waiters and musicians and clowns withal. In short, we were delightfully entertained, except for one thing that annoyed me beyond measure: Thesmopolis kept bothering me and talking to me about virtue, whatever that may be, and teaching me that two negatives make an affirmative, and that if it is day it is not night ; and sometimes he actually said that I had horns.[*](For this and other Stoic fallacies, see Lucian I. p. 437 and note 2.) By philosophizing with me incessantly after that fashion when I had no mind for it, he spoiled and diminished my pleasure, not allowing me to hear the performers who were playing and singing. Well, there you have your dinner, cock.

COCK It was not of the pleasantest, Micyllus, as your lot was cast with that silly old man.

MICYLLUS Now listen to my dream. I thought that Eucrates himself had somehow become childless and lay dying, and that, after sending for me and making a will in which I was heir to everything, he lingered a while and then died. On entering into possession of the property, I dipped up the gold and the silver in great bowlfuls, for there was an ever-flowing, copious stream of it; and all the rest, too—the ‘clothing and tables and cups and waiters—all was mine, ot course. Then I drove out behind a pair of white horses, holding my head high, the admiration and the envy of all beholders; many ran before me and rode beside me, and still more followed after me, and I with his clothing on and my fingers covered with

heavy rings, fully sixteen of them, was giving orders for a splendid feast to be prepared for the entertainment of my friends. In a moment they were there, as is natural in a dream, and the dinner was being served, and the drinking-bout was under way. While I was thus engaged and was drinking healths with each person there out of golden cups, just as the dessert was being brought in you lifted up your voice unseasonably, and disturbed our party, upset the tables and caused that wealth of mine to be scattered to the winds. Now do you think I was unreasonable in getting angry at you, when I should have been glad to see the dream last for three nights ?