De Incredibilibus
Palaiphatos
Palaiphatos. On Unbelievable Stories. Hawes, Greta, et al., translators. Washington, DC: Center for Hellenic Studies, 2021. (digital publication)
The tragic myth told about Alcestis is that, when Admetos was about to die, Alcestis volunteered to die on his behalf, and that Heracles, on account of her piety, rescued her from Thanatos [‘Death’] and returned her to Admetos. I don't think anyone is capable of bringing someone back to life after they have died.
Rather, something like this happened. When Pelias' daughters killed him, Pelias’ son Acastos went after them, wanting to kill them to avenge his father. He captured the other sisters, but Alcestis escaped to Pherai to her cousin Admetos. There she sat as a suppliant at his hearth so that Admetos couldn't agree to Acastos' demands to give her up. Acastos positioned a large army around the city and began to attack them with fiery missiles. During the night, Admetos went out but happened upon the enemy captains, and he was captured alive. Acastos threatened to kill him unless he gave up Alcestis even though she was a suppliant. When Alcestis learnt that Admetos was about to die because of her, she came out and handed herself over. Acastos released Admetos and apprehended Alcestis. And so people would say, Alcestis is so brave she was willing to die for Admetos. This certainly did not happen as the myth says it does.
It was then that Heracles was passing through from somewhere with the horses of Diomedes. When he arrived Admetos welcomed him as a guest. Admetos lamented the misfortune of Alcestis and Heracles became indignant. [*](We translate the variant tradition ἀγανακτησάμενος (‘became indignant’) rather than ἀνακτησάμενος (‘recovered (himself)’) as printed by Festa.) He attacked Acastos and annihilated his army. He then divided up the spoils among his army and handed Alcestis over to Admetos. And so people would say that Heracles had come along and rescued Alcestis from death. The myth was fabricated from these actual events.
Hesiod, among others, records that Zethos and Amphion built the walls of Thebes with a cithara. Some people think that when they played the cithara the stones rose of their own accord to the top of the walls.
The truth is as follows. Zethos and Amphion were exceedingly talented cithara players and they performed for payment. People at that time did not have currency. So Amphion and his brother ordered those who wanted to hear them play to go work on the walls. But it was not the stones themselves who listened and obeyed! Thus in fact people were speaking perfectly correctly when they said that the walls were built with a lyre.
They say that Io was a woman who was turned into a cow and, goaded by a gadfly, she crossed the sea from Argos and came to Egypt. This is implausible: the very idea that...[*](There is a lacuna in the text here.) she could survive so many days without food!
The truth is as follows. Io was the daughter of the king of Argos. The people from the city did her the honour of making her priestess of Argive Hera. She fell pregnant and, afraid of her father and the townspeople, fled the city. The Argives went out searching, and, had they found her anywhere, would have apprehended her and put her in chains. [*](We translate Stern’s suggestion of replacing the transmitted sentence with a contrary-to-fact statement.) So they would say, She’s like a cow: she’s goaded and she flees....[*](There is a lacuna in the text here.) In the end, she handed herself over to some foreign traders and begged them to take her to Egypt. After arriving there she gave birth. And so the myth was fabricated.
They say that Medeia made old men young again by boiling them. But no-one can prove that she made anyone young: if she boiled someone, she surely killed them.
Something like this happened. Medeia was the first to discover black and red dyes. She made the hair of old men seem black and auburn: by applying dyes she changed white hair into black and auburn. …[*](There is a lacuna in the text here.) Medeia was the first to discover that steam baths were beneficial for people. She ran baths in secret for those who wanted them, and made them swear an oath not to mention it to anyone, to prevent any of the physicians from finding out. The name of this bathing technique was ‘boiling’. People who had these baths became healthier and more relaxed. For this reason, and because they saw her with a cauldron and fire, they believed that she was boiling people. Pelias, a frail old man, died in the bath. And from this the myth arose.
It is said about Omphale that Heracles was enslaved to her. The story is foolish. He would have been able to control her and everything she owned …[*](There is a lacuna in the text here.).
Something like this happened. Omphale was the daughter of Iardanos, king of Lydia. She heard of Heracles’ strength and feigned love for him. When Heracles met her, he was overcome with desire and fathered a son with her. He was infatuated and did whatever she asked. Naive people assumed that he was enslaved to her.
They say that Heracles carried around with him everywhere the so-called horn of Amaltheia and that from it emerged anything he wanted when he prayed for it.
The truth is as follows. When Heracles was travelling through Boiotia with his nephew Iolaos, he stayed in Thespiai at an inn run by a woman called Amaltheia, who was youthful and exceptionally beautiful. Heracles was infatuated with her and enjoyed her hospitality for quite a long time. This affected Iolaos badly and he decided to take Ameltheia’s profits, which she kept in a horn, and use them to obtain whatever he wanted for himself and Heracles. And so the other travellers would say, Heracles had the horn of Amaltheia, and from it he obtained whatever he wanted for himself. From these events the myth was fabricated, and artists depicting Heracles came to depict the horn of Amaltheia with him.