Dialogi deorum

Lucian of Samosata

The Works of Lucian of Samosata, complete, with exceptions specified in thepreface, Vol. 1. Fowler, H. W. and Fowlere, F.G., translators. Oxford at the Clarendon Press, 1905.

Apollo He picked up a dead tortoise somewhere or other, and contrived an instrument with it. He fitted horns to it, with a cross-bar, stuck in pegs, inserted a bridge, and played a sweet tuneful thing that made an old harper like me quite envious. Even at night, Maia was saying, he does not stay in Heaven; he goes down poking his nose into Hades—on a thieves’ errand, no doubt. Then he has a pair of wings, and he has made himself a magic wand, which he uses for marshalling souls—convoying the dead to their place.

Hephaestus Ah, I gave him that, for a toy.

Apollo And by way of payment he stole—

Hephaestus Well thought on; I must go and get them; you may be right about the baby-linen.

Henry Watson Fowler

Hephaestus What are your orders, Zeus? You sent for me, and here I am; with such an edge to my axe as would cleave a stone at one blow.

Zeus Ah; that’s right, Hephaestus. Just split my head in half, will you?

Hephaestus You think I am mad, perhaps?—Seriously, now, what can I do for you?

Zeus What I say: crack my skull. Any insubordination,

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now, and you shall taste my resentment; it will not be the first time. Come, a good lusty stroke, and quick about it. I am in the pangs of travail; my brain is in a whirl.

Hephaestus Mind you, the consequences may be serious: the axe is sharp, and will prove but a rough midwife,

Zeus Hew away, and fear nothing. I know what I am about.

Hephaestus H’m. I don’t like it: however, one must obey orders. ... Why, what have we here? A maiden in full armour! This is no joke, Zeus. You might well be waspish, with this great girl growing up beneath your pia mater; in armour, too! You have been carrying a regular barracks on your shoulders all this time. Go active too! See, she is dancing a war-dance, with shield and spear in full swing. She is like one inspired; and (what is more to the point) she is extremely pretty, and has come to marriageable years in these few minutes; those grey eyes, even, look well beneath a helmet. Zeus, I claim her as the fee for my midwifery.

Zeus Impossible! She is determined to remain a maid for ever. Not that I have any objection, personally.

Hephaestus That is all I want. You can leave the rest tome. I'll carry her off this moment.

Zeus Well, if you think it so easy. But I am sure it is a hopeless case.