Hermotimus

Lucian of Samosata

The Works of Lucian of Samosata, complete, with exceptions specified in thepreface, Vol. 2. Fowler, H. W. and Fowlere, F.G., translators. Oxford at the Clarendon Press, 1905.

Lycinus Well, then—most of your account I followed and accepted —how they grow wise and brave and just, and the rest—indeed I was quite fascinated by it; but then you went on to say they despised wealth and glory and pleasure; well, just there (quite between ourselves, you know) I was pulled up; I thought of

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a scene-t’other day with—shall I tell you whom? Perhaps we can do without a name?

Hermotimus No, no; we must have that too.

Lycinus Your own professor himself, then,—a person to whom all respect is due, surely, not to mention his years.

Hermotimus Well?

Lycinus You know the Heracleot, quite an old pupil of his in philosophy by this time—red-haired—likes an argument?

Hermotimus Yes; Dion, he is called.

Lycinus Well, I suppose he had not paid up punctually; anyhow the other day the old man haled him before the magistrate, with a halter made of his own coat; he was shouting and fuming, and if some friends had not come up and got the young man out of his hands, he would have bitten off his nose, he was in such a temper.

Hermotimus Ah, be is a bad character, always an unconscionable time paying his debts. There are plenty of others who owe the professor money, and he has never treated any of them so; they pay him his interest punctually.

Lycinus Not so fast; what in the world does it matter to him, if they do not pay up? he is purified by philosophy, and has no further need of the cast clothes of Oeta.

Hermotimus Do you suppose his interest in such things is selfish? no, but he has little ones; his care is to save them from indigence.

Lycinus Whereas he ought to have brought them up to Virtue too, and let them share his inexpensive Happiness.

Hermotimus Well, I have no time to argue it, Lycinus; I must not be late for lecture, lest in the end I find myself left behind.

Lycinus Don’t be afraid, my duteous one; to-day is a holiday; I can save you the rest of your walk.

Hermotimus What do you mean?

Lycinus You will not find him just now, if the notice is to be

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trusted; there was a tablet over the door announcing in large print, No meeting this day. I hear he dined yesterday with the great Eucrates, who was keeping his daughter’s birthday. He talked a good deal of philosophy over the wine, and lost his temper a little with Euthydemus the Peripatetic; they were debating the old Peripatetic objections to the Porch. His long vocal exertions (for it was midnight before they broke up) gave him a bad headache, with violent perspiration. I fancy he had also drunk a little too much, toasts being the order of the day, and eaten more than an old man should. When he got home, he was very ill, they said, just managed to check and lock up carefully the slices of meat which he had conveyed to his servant at table, and then, giving orders that he was not at home, went to sleep, and has not waked since. I overheard Midas his man telling this to some of his pupils; there were a number of them coming away.

Hermotimus Which had the victory, though, he or Euthydemus—if Midas said anything about that?

Lycinus Why, at first, I gathered, it was very even between them; but you Stoics had it in the end, and your master was much too hard for him. Euthydemus did not even get off whole; he had a great cut on his head. He was pretentious, insisted on proving his point, would not give in, and proved a hard nut to crack; so your excellent professor, who had a goblet as big as Nestor’s in his hand, brought this down on him as he lay within easy reach, and the victory was his.

Hermotimus Good; 80 perish all who will not yield to their betters!

Lycinus Very reasonable, Hermotimus; what was Euthydemus thinking of, to irritate an old man who is purged of wrath and master of his passions, when he had such a heavy goblet in his hand?

But we have time to spare—you might tell a friend like me the story of your start in philosophy; then I might perhaps,

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if it is not too late, begin now and join your school; you are my friends; you will not be exclusive?

Hermotimus If only you would, Lycinus! you will soon find out how much you are superior to the rest of men. I do assure you, you will think them all children, you will be so much wiser.

Lycinus Enough for me, if after twenty years of it I am where you are now.

Hermotimus Oh, I was about your age when I started on philosophy; I was forty; and you must be about that.

Lycinus Just that; so take and lead me on the same way; that is but right. And first tell me—do you allow learners to criticize, if they find difficulties in your doctrines, or must juniors abstain from that?

Hermotimus Why, yes, they must; but you shall have leave to ask questions and criticize; you will learn easier that way.

Lycinus I thank you for it, Hermotimus, by your name-God Hermes.

Now, is there only one road to philosophy—the Stoic way? they tell me there are a great many other philosophers; is that so?

Hermotimus Certainly—Peripatetics, Epicureans, Platonists, followers of Diogenes, Antisthenes, Pythagoras, and more yet.

Lycinus Quite so; numbers of them. Now, are their doctrines the same, or different?

Hermotimus Entirely different.

Lycinus But the truth, I presume, is bound to be in one of them, and not in all, as they differ?

Hermotimus Certainly.