De parasito sive artem esse parasiticam

SIMON Then in order to prevent you from wondering too much and also from thinking it a laughing matter, let us imagine that right here in our city proclamation has been made that the enemy has unexpectedly invaded the country; that it is

necessary to take the field against them and not allow the farm-lands outside the walls to be laid waste, that the commander has called to the colours all those of military age, and that of course everybody is going, including certain philosophers and rhetoricians and parasites. First, then, let us strip them to the skin; for those who are going to put on armour must first take off their clothes. Now inspect your men, sir, one by one, and give them a physical examination. Some of them you can see to be thin and pale through privation, shuddering, and as limp as if they had already been wounded. Surely it would be ridiculous to say that fighting, hand-to-hand combat, pushing, dust, and. wounds can be borne by men like these, who need something to brace them up!