Piscator

Lucian of Samosata

The Works of Lucian of Samosata, complete, with exceptions specified in thepreface, Vol. 1. Fowler, H. W. and Fowlere, F.G., translators. Oxford at the Clarendon Press, 1905.

Parrhesiades Quite a simple matter. Oyez, oyez! All who profess philosophy and hold themselves entitled to the name of philosopher shall appear on the Acropolis for largesse; £8, with a sesame cake, to each. A long beard shall qualify for a square of compressed figs, in addition. Every applicant to have with him, of temperance, justice, and self-control, any __ that he is in possession of, it being clearly understood that these are not indispensable, and, of syllogisms, a complete set of five, these being the condition precedent of wisdom.

  • Two golden talents in the midst are set,
  • His prize who wrangles best amongst his peers.

    • Just look! the ascent packed with a pushing crowd, at the very first sound of my £8. More of them along the Pelasgicum, more by the temple of Asclepius, a bigger crowd still over the Areopagus. Why, positively there are a few at the tomb of Talos; and see those putting ladders against the temple of Castor and Pollux; up they climb, buzzing and clustering like

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    a swarm of bees. In Homeric phrase, on this side are exceeding many, and on that
  • Ten thousand, thick as leaves and flowers in spring.
    • Noisily they settle, the Acropolis is covered with them in a trice; everywhere wallet and beard, flattery and effrontery, staves and greed, logic and avarice. The little company which came up at the first proclamation is swamped beyond recovery, swallowed up in these later crowds; it is hopeless to find them, because of the external resemblance. That is the worst of it, Philosophy; you are really open to censure for not marking and labelling them; these impostors are often more convincing than the true philosophers.

    Philosophy It shall be done before long; at present let us receive them.

    Platonists Platonists first!

    Pythagoreans No, no; Pythagoreans first; our master is senior.

    Stoics Rubbish! the Porch is the best.

    Peripatetics Now, now, this is a question of money; Peripatetics first there!

    Epicureans Hand over those cakes and fig-squares; as to the money, Epicureans will not mind waiting till the last.

    Academics Where are the two talents? none can touch the Academy at a wrangle; we will soon show you that.

    Stoics Not if we know it.

    Philosophy Cease your strife. Cynics there, no more pushing! and keep those sticks quiet. You have mistaken the nature of this summons. We three, Philosophy, Virtue, and Truth, are about to decide which are the true philosophers; that done, those whose lives are found to be in accord with our pleasure will be made happy by our award; but the impostors who are not truly of our kin we shall crush as they deserve, that they may no more make vain claims to what is too high for them.

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    Ha! you fly? In good truth they do, jumping down the crags, most of them. Why, the Acropolis is deserted, except for—yes, a few have stood their ground and are not afraid of the judgement.