Piscator

Lucian of Samosata

Lucian, Vol. 3. Harmon, A. M., editor. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1921.

FRANKNESS Nothing hard about that. Oyez! Silence! All who assert that they are philosophers, and all who think that they have any connection with the name, come tothe Acropolis for a distribution of gifts! Two minas will be given to every man, and a seed-cake also; and whoever displays a Jong beard shall receive a basket of figs into the bargain. Never mind temperance or justice or self-control, as these qualities are not essential if they are not available; but let each bring with him five syllogisms by all means, for without these it is impossible to be wise.

  1. Lo, we have set up as prize two talents of gold for the contest ;
  2. These shall we give unto him who prevails over all in debating!
Cf. Iliad18, 507-8.
v.3.p.63

PHILOSOPHY Aha! What a lot of them! The road up to the gate is full of men hustling after the two minas, as soon as they heard of them; others are coming up beside the Pelasgicon;[*](The prehistoric wall of the Acropolis. Only tumble-down pieces were then to be seen (cf. § 47). The bit. referred to here was at the north-west corner, by the cave of Pan (Double Indictment, § 9). ) others by the precinct of Asclepius;[*](On the south slope, near the theatre of Dionysus. ) even more of them along the Areopagus ;[*](To the west, near the main entrance. ) some, too, by the tomb of Talus ;[*](Talus (or Calus) was nephew of Daedalus, who out of jealousy threw him down the cliff. Certain stones at the back of the theatre of Dionysus are thought to belong to his tomb. ) and some have set ladders against the temple of the Twin Brethren[*](North side: exact site uncertain. ) and are climbing up with a hum, by Heaven, and “in clusters” like swarming bees, to use the words of Homer ;[*](Iliad 2, 89. ) from that side right many, and from the other

  1. Thousands of men, like the leaves and the flowers that come in the springtime.
Iliad2, 468. The Acropolis is full in a trice as they
  1. noisily settle in place,
Iliad2, 463. and everywhere are begging-bags and flattery, beards and shamelessness, staves and gluttony, syllogisms and avarice. The few that came up in answer to the first summons are obscure and inconspicuous, intermingled with the crowd of others, and they escape the eye in the general similarity of garb.

FRANKNESS In fact, that is the worst feature of it all, Philosophy, and the one for which you could be most criticized, that you have set no mark and token upon them. These cheats are often more convincing than the genuine philosophers.

v.3.p.65
PHILOSOPHY That shall be seen to presently; but let us welcome them now.

PLATONIST We Platonists should get our share first.

PYTHAGOREAN No! we Pythagoreans, for Pythagoras was earlier.

STOIC Nonsense! we of the Porch are better.

PERIPATETIC Not at all; in matters of money we of the Walk should be first.

EPICUREAN Give us Epicureans the cakes and the figs, but we will wait for the money, even if we have to be the last to get it.

ACADEMIC Where are the two talents? We Academics will show you how much better debaters we are than the rest !

STOIC Not while we Stoics are here!

PHILOSOPHY Stop your bickering! You Cynics, do not jostle one another or strike each other with your staves. You were asked here for a different purpose, let me assure you! And now I, Philosophy, and Virtue here and Truth will decide who are the genuine philosophers. Then all who are found to be living by our rules shall be pronounced superior and will be happy ever after, but as for the cheats and all those who have nothing in common with us, we shall put

v.3.p.67
the wretches to a wretched end, so that they may not claim any part in things that are over their heads, false pretenders that they are! What is this? Are you running away? By Heaven, they are, most of them jumping over the cliffs! The Acropolis is empty except for these few who have remained because they did not fear the trial.