Piscator

Lucian of Samosata

Lucian, Vol. 3. Harmon, A. M., editor. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1921.

DIOGENES What sort of men we were in life, Philosophy, you know right well, and I need not discuss that point at all; for who is not aware how much beauty was brought into life by Pythagoras here, Plato, Aristotle, Chrysippus and the others, to say nothing of myself?

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I shall proceed to speak of the insults which, in spite of our merit, this double-dyed scoundrel Frankness has dealt us. He is a public speaker, they say: but abandoning the courts and the successes to be gained therein, he concentrated upon us all thé eloquence and power that he had acquired .in rhetoric, and not only unceasingly abuses us himself by calling us cheats and liars, but induces the public to laugh and sneer at us as if we amounted to nothing at all. More than that, he has at last made people actually hate you, Philosophy, as well as us by dubbing your doctrines stuff and nonsense and rehearsing in mockery all that is most serious in what you taught us, so as to get applause and praise from his audience for himself and contumely for us. The common sort are that way by nature; they delight in jesters and buffoons, and most of all when they criticise what is held in high reverence. Just so in days gone by they took delight in Aristophanes and Eupolis, who brought Socrates on the stage to make fun of him and got up monstrous farces about him. The playwrights, however, showed their boldness against only one man, and at the Dionysia, when it was’ permissible to do so, and the joking was considered part of the holiday, and
  1. The god, who loves his joke, no doubt was pleased.[*](Author unknown. )

But this man brings the best people together, after a long period of thinking and preparing and writing

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down slanders in a thick roll, and then loudly abuses Plato, Pythagoras, Aristotle here, Chrysippus there, myself,and in a word, one and all, without the sanction of a holiday and without having. had anything done to him personally by us. He would have some excuse for the thing, of course,if he had acted in self-defence instead of starting the quarrel.

What is worst of all, in doing this sort of thing, Philosophy, he shelters himself under your name, and he has suborned Dialogue, our serving-man, employing him against us as a helper and a spokesman. Moreover, he has actually bribed Menippus,[*](The Cynic, of Gadara: Lucian’s chief predecessor in satirical prose. )a comrade of ours, to take part in his farces frequently ; he is the only one who is not here and does not join us in the prosecution, thereby playing traitor to our common cause.

For all this he ought to be punished. What, pray, can he have to say for himself after ridiculing all that is most holy before so many witnesses? In fact, it would be a good thing for them, too, if they were to see him punished, so that no other man might ever again sneer at Philosophy; for to keep quiet and pocket insults might well be thought to betoken weakness and simplicity rather than self-control. And who could put up with his last performances ? Bringing us like slaves to the auction-room and appointing a crier, he sold us off, they say, some for a high price, some for an Attic mina, and me, arrant scoundrel that he is, for two obols! And those present laughed!

On account of this, we ourselves have come up here in a rage, and we think it right that you for your part should avenge us because we have been insulted to the limit.

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PLATO Good, Diogenes! You have splendidly said all that you ought on behalf of us all.

PHILOSOPHY Stop applauding! Pour in the water for the defendant. Now, Frankness, make your speech in turn, for the water now is running for you. Don’t delay, then.