Vitarum auctio

If you like, I will give you an extreme example, and prove in a twinkling that you are a stone.

Buyer How a stone? You do not look to me like Perseus with the Gorgon's head, my friend.

Chrysippos This is the way. Is the stone a body?

Buyer Yes.

Chrysippos Well, is not a living creature a body?

Buyer Yes.

Chrysippos But you are a living creature?

Buyer Certainly, I have that appearance.

Chrysippos Then you are a stone, for you are a body.

Buyer Heaven forbid! In Zeus' name, release me and make me a man again!

Chrysippos That is easy; be a man once more. For, tell me, is every body a living creature?

Buyer No.

Chrysippos Well, is a stone a living creature?

Buyer No.

Chrysippos But you are a body?

Buyer Yes.

Chrysippos And being a body you are a living creature?

Buyer Yes.

Chrysippos Then you are not a stone, because you are a living creature.

Buyer Thank you. My legs were getting lifeless already and stiff, like Niobe's. But I am certainly going to buy you. What is his price?

Hermes Two hundred and forty dollars.

Buyer Here it is.

Hermes Are you the sole purchaser ?

Buyer Dear me, no. All these people are with me.

Hermes There are plenty of them, and strong in the shoulder. They are fit for "the Mower."

Zeus Don't waste time. Call up another, the Peripatetic.

Hermes You are the man I want-the handsome, the rich one. Come now, buy the most intelligent life-the one whose forte is omniscience!

Buyer What sort of a person is he?

Hermes He leads a reasonable, well-ordered life, never doing either too much or too little. Most important of all, he is double.

Buyer What do you mean?

Hermes It seems that his visible man is one person and his inward man another; so, if you buy him, remember to call the one "exoteric," the other "esoteric."

Buyer What does he know best?

Hermes That there are three classes of goods, relating to the soul, the body, and to externals.

Buyer He thinks like a human being. What is his price?

Hermes Three hundred and seventy-five dollars.

Buyer That is high.

Hermes No, my good fellow, for he seems to have some money himself, so you can't buy him too quickly. Moreover, you will presently learn from him how long the gnat lives, how far down the sea is lighted by the sun, and the nature of the soul of the oyster.

Buyer Herakles! there's precision for you.

Hermes What would you say if you should hear things a great deal shrewder than these— how man is a laughing animal, but the ass neither a laughing, nor a house-building, nor a seafaring animal?

Buyer Edifying and profitable knowledge! I will take him for four hundred dollars.

Hermes Done.

Zeus Whom have we still left?

Hermes The sceptic here. Come forward, Pyrrhias, and be published as fast as you can. Most of the people have already stolen away, and there will be few buyers. All the same, who wants this fellow, too?

Buyer I do. But first tell me, what is your line of knowledge?

Philosopher Nothing.

Buyer What do you mean by that?

Philosopher That in my opinion nothing at all exists.

Buyer Then are we nobody, too?

Philosopher I don't even know that.

Buyer Nor whether you happen to be somebody, either?

Philosopher I am still more ignorant of that, by a good deal.

Buyer What an uncertainty! But, tell me, what do you want with these balances?

Philosopher I weigh arguments in them and get them even, and when I see them exactly equal and of the same weight, then I am ignorant which is the truer.

Buyer What else are you clever at?

Philosopher Everything, except chasing a runaway slave.

Buyer Why can't you do that?

Philosopher Because, good sir, I never appresee. hend.

Buyer Of course. You do seem to be a slow, dull person. But what is the aim of your science?

Philosopher Ignorance; neither to hear nor to apprehend.

Buyer You mean, then, to be blind and deaf?

Philosopher Yes, and incapable of judgment and sensation, and, in a word, the double of an earthworm.

Buyer I must buy you for that. How much do you say he is worth?

Hermes Twenty dollars.

Buyer Here it is. What have you to say, fellow? Have I bought you?

Philosopher Doubtful.

Buyer Not at all. I have purchased you and paid the money.

Philosopher I suspend my judgment about it and consider.

Buyer You will follow me, as my slave should.

Philosopher Who knows whether you are telling the truth?

Buyer The salesman and the eighteen dollars and the by-standers.

Philosopher Are there, then, any standing by?

Buyer I will clap you into the mill in a moment, and persuade you by a vicious argument that I am your master.

Philosopher Suspend your judgment about that.

Buyer No, by Heaven, I have formed my opinion already!

Hermes Here, stop your resistance and follow your purchaser. We will summon you again to-morrow, for we are going to put up the lives of the private citizens and artisans and tradesfolk.