Vitarum auctio

Lucian of Samosata

Selections from Lucian. Smith, Emily James, translators. New York; Harper Brothers, 1892.

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CHARACTERS. As slaves for sale: JUPITER. MERCURY. PYTHAGORAS. DIOGONES. DEMOKRITOS. HERAKLEITOS. SOKRATES. CHRYSIPPOS. and a PYRRONIST. Various buyers.

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Zeus (to his assistants) Set the benches in order, and get the place ready for visitors; and you, range the lives in order and usher them in, but tidy them up first so that they may make a good appearance and attract a crowd. You, Hermes, make a proclamation, and, by the grace of heaven, summon the buyers to the sale-room forthwith. We are going to announce for sale philosophic lives of every description and varied principles, and if any one is not able to lay down his money on the nail he can pay up next year if he gives security.

Hermes A crowd is gathering, so we must not waste time nor keep them waiting.

Zeus Then let us proceed to sell.

Hermes Which of them shall we put up first?

Zeus This one with the long hair, the Ionian, for he seems to be a reverend person.

Hermes Let the Pythagorean there show his points to the company.

Zeus Announce him, pray.

Hermes I offer the noblest life, the most reverend. Who will buy? Who wishes to be more

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than human, to know the harmony of the all, and rise from the dead?

Buyer He is not bad to look at, but just what does he know?

Hermes Arithmetic, astronomy, magic, geometry, music, jugglery. A finished fortune-teller is before you.

Buyer May one question him?

Hermes With all my heart.

Buyer What country are you of?

Pythagoras Samos.

Buyer Where were you educated?

Pythagoras In Egypt, among the sages there.

Buyer Well, then, if I buy you what will you teach me?

Pythagoras I will not teach you anything. I will remind you.

Buyer How will you remind me?

Pythagoras By first making your soul clean, and washing off the filth that is on it.

Buyer Now, suppose me already purified, what is your method of reminding?

Pythagoras The first step is a long, speechless silence; you must not say a word for five whole years.

Buyer You ought to teach mutes, my friend. But I am a talker with no desire to become a graven image. All the same, what comes after the silence and the five-year term?

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Pythagoras Practise in music and geometry.

Buyer That is a nice statement ! If I am to become a philosopher I must first learn to play the harp!