Vitarum auctio

Zeus Now get those benches straight there, and make the place fit to be seen. Bring up the lots, one of you, and put them in line. Give them a rub up first, though; we must have them looking their best, to attract bidders. Hermes, you can declare the sale-room open, and a welcome to all comers.—For Sale! A varied assortment of Live Creeds. Tenets of every description—Cash on delivery; or credit allowed on suitable security.

Hermes Here they come, swarming in. No time to lose; we must not keep them waiting.

Zeus Well, let us begin.

Heraclitus What are we to put up first?

Zeus The Ionic fellow, with the long hair. He seems a showy piece of goods.

Heraclitus Step up, Pythagoreanism, and show yourself.

Zeus Go ahead.

Heraclitus Now here is a creed of the first water. Who bids for this handsome article? What gentleman says Superhumanity? Harmony of the Universe! Transmigration of souls! Who bids? First Dealer. He looks all right. And what can he do?

Heraclitus Magic, music, arithmetic, geometry, astronomy, jugglery. Prophecy in all its branches,

First Dealer Can I ask him some questions?

Heraclitus Ask away, and welcome.

First Dealer Where do you come from?

Pythagoras Samos.

First Dealer Where did you get your schooling?

Pythagoras From the sophists in Egypt.

First Dealer If I buy you, what will you teach me?

Pythagoras Nothing. I will remind you.

First Dealer Remind me?

Pythagoras But first I shall have to cleanse your soul of its filth.

First Dealer Well, suppose the cleansing process complete. How is the reminding done?

Pythagoras We shall begin with a long course of silent contemplation. Not a word to be spoken for five years.

First Dealer You would have been just the creed for Croesus’s son! But I have a tongue in my head; I have no ambition to be a statue. And after the five years’ silence?

Pythagoras You will study music and geometry.

First Dealer A charming recipe!’ The way to be wise: learn the guitar.

Pythagoras Next you will learn to count.

First Dealer I can do that already.

Pythagoras Let me hear you.

First Dealer One, two, three, four,—

Pythagoras There you are, you see. Four (as you call it) is ten. Four the perfect triangle. Four the oath of our school.

First Dealer Now by Four, most potent Four!—higher and holier mysteries than these I never heard.

Pythagoras Then you will learn of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water; their action, their movement, their shapes.

First Dealer Have Fire and Air and Water shapes?

Pythagoras Clearly. That cannot move which lacks shape and form. You will also find that God is a number; an intelligence; a harmony.

First Dealer You surprise me.;

Pythagoras

More than this, you have to learn that you yourself are § not the person you appear to be.

First Dealer What, I am some one else, not the I who am speaking to you?

Pythagoras You are that you now: but you have formerly inhabited another body, and borne another name. And in course of time you will change once more.

First Dealer Why then I shall be immortal, and take one shape after another?

But enough of this, And now what is your diet?

Pythagoras Of living things I eat none. All else I eat, except beans.

First Dealer And why no beans? Do you dislike them?

Pythagoras No. But they are sacred things. Their nature is a mystery. Consider them first in their generative aspect; take a green one and peel it, and you will see what I mean. Again, boil one and expose it to moonlight for a proper number of nights, and you have—blood. What is more, the Athenians use beans to vote with.

First Dealer Admirable! A very feast of reason. Now just strip, and let me see what you are like. Bless me, here is a creed with a golden thigh! He is no mortal, he is a God. I must have him at any price. What do you start him at?

Heraclitus Forty pounds.

First Dealer He is mine for forty pounds,

Zeus Take the gentleman’s name and address.

Heraclitus He must come from Italy, I should think; Croton or Tarentum, or one of the Greek towns in those parts. But he is not the only buyer. Some three hundred of them have clubbed together.

Zeus They are welcome to him. Now up with the next.