Vitarum auctio

Zeus Now get those benches straight there, and make the place fit to be seen. Bring up the lots, one of you, and put them in line. Give them a rub up first, though; we must have them looking their best, to attract bidders. Hermes, you can declare the sale-room open, and a welcome to all comers.—For Sale! A varied assortment of Live Creeds. Tenets of every description—Cash on delivery; or credit allowed on suitable security.

Hermes Here they come, swarming in. No time to lose; we must not keep them waiting.

Zeus Well, let us begin.

Heraclitus What are we to put up first?

Zeus The Ionic fellow, with the long hair. He seems a showy piece of goods.

Heraclitus Step up, Pythagoreanism, and show yourself.

Zeus Go ahead.

Heraclitus Now here is a creed of the first water. Who bids for this handsome article? What gentleman says Superhumanity? Harmony of the Universe! Transmigration of souls! Who bids? First Dealer. He looks all right. And what can he do?

Heraclitus Magic, music, arithmetic, geometry, astronomy, jugglery. Prophecy in all its branches,

First Dealer Can I ask him some questions?

Heraclitus Ask away, and welcome.

First Dealer Where do you come from?

Pythagoras Samos.

First Dealer Where did you get your schooling?

Pythagoras From the sophists in Egypt.

First Dealer If I buy you, what will you teach me?

Pythagoras Nothing. I will remind you.

First Dealer Remind me?

Pythagoras But first I shall have to cleanse your soul of its filth.

First Dealer Well, suppose the cleansing process complete. How is the reminding done?

Pythagoras We shall begin with a long course of silent contemplation. Not a word to be spoken for five years.

First Dealer You would have been just the creed for Croesus’s son! But I have a tongue in my head; I have no ambition to be a statue. And after the five years’ silence?

Pythagoras You will study music and geometry.

First Dealer A charming recipe!’ The way to be wise: learn the guitar.