Vitarum auctio

Lucian of Samosata

Lucian, Vol. 2. Harmon, A. M., editor. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1915.

ZEUS (To an attendant.) You arrange the benches and make the place ready for the men that are coming. (To another avrenpant.) You bring on the philosophies and put them in line ; but first groom them up, so that they will look well and will attract as many as possible. (Zo nErmeEs.) You, Hermes, be crier and call them together.

HERMES Under the blessing of Heaven, let the buyers now appear at the sales-room. We shall put up for sale philosophies of every type and all manner of creeds; and if anyone is unable to pay cash, he is to name a surety and pay next year.

ZEUS Many are gathering, so we must avoid wasting time and delaying them. Let us begin the sale, then.

HERMES Which do you want us to bring on first ?

ZEUS This fellow with the long hair, the Ionian, for he seems to be someone of distinction.

v.2.p.453

HERMES You Pythagorean, come forward and let yourself be looked over by the company.

ZEUS Hawk him now.

HERMES The noblest of philosophies for sale, the most distinguished ; who'll buy ? Who wants to be more than man? Who wants to apprehend the music of the spheres and to be born again ?

BUYER For looks, he is not bad, but what does he know best ?

HERMES Arithmetic, astronomy, charlatanry, geometry, music and quackery; you see in him a first-class soothsayer.

BUYER May I question him?

HERMES Yes, and good luck to you!

BUYER Where are you from?

PYTHAGOREAN From Samos.[*](The birthplace of Pythagoras. Hence the “‘ Pythagorean philosophy” talks Ionic Greek.) BUYER Where were you educated ?

PYTHAGOREAN In Egypt, with the sages there.

v.2.p.455

BUYER Come now, if I buy you, what will you teach me?

PYTHAGOREAN I shall teach thee nothing, but make thee remember.[*](Before centering upon its round of transmigrations, the soul was all-wise ; learning is merely remembering. Socrates expounds this theory in Plato’s Jeno.) BUYER How will you make me remember ?

PYTHAGOREAN First by making thy soul pure and purging off the filth upon it.

BUYER Well, imagine that my purification is complete, what will be your method of making me remember?

PYTHAGOREAN In the first place, long silence and speechlessness, and for five entire years no word of talk.

BUYER My good man, you had better teach the son of Croesus!?[*](One of the sons of Crocsus was mute: Herod. 1. 34, 85.) I want to be talkative, not a graven image. However, what comes after the silence and the five years?

PYTHAGOREAN Thou shalt be practised in music and geometry.

BUYER That is delightful ; I am to become a fiddler before being wise!