Icaromenippus

Lucian of Samosata

Lucian, Vol. 2. Harmon, A. M., editor. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1915.

ZEUS Come now, we must not overlook the man or neglect him, for he had reason to be angry in view of his wretched plight. Why, we should be like those vile

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toadies of his if we left a man forgotten who has burned so many fat thigh-bones of bulls and goats on the altar to honour us; indeed, I have the steam of them still in my nostrils! However, business has been so heavy, the perjurers and oppressors and plunderers have made such a hubbub, and I have been so afraid of the temple-robbers, who are numerous and hard to guard against and do not let me close my eyes for an.instant, that I haven't even looked at Attica for a long time, particularly since philosophy and debates grew rife among the Athenians, for it is impossible even to hear the prayers on account of their wrangling and shouting ; one must therefore either sit with his ears stopped or be dinned to death with their harangues about “virtue” and “things incorporeal”’ and other piffle. That is how I happened to neglect this man, who is not a bad sort.

However, take Riches, Hermes, and go to him quickly ; let Riches take Treasure along too, and let them both stay with Timon and not be so ready to go away, however much he may try to chase them out of the house again in the kindness of his heart. About those toadies and the thanklessness which they showed toward him I shall take measures later, and they shall be punished as soon as I get my thunderbolt put in order; for the two longest tines of it are broken and blunted since yesterday, when I let drive a little too vigorously at the sophist Anaxagoras, who was teaching his disciples that we gods do not count at all. I missed him, for Pericles held his

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hand over him,[*](Lucian is referring to the fact that Pericles intervened in favour of Anaxagoras when the latter was tried for impiety at Athens.) and the bolt, glancing off into the Anaceum, set the temple afire and itself came near being broken to bits on the rock. But in the meantime it will be punishment enough for them if they see Timon enormously rich.

HERMES What an advantageous thing it is to shout loudly and to be annoying and impudent! It is useful not only to pleaders in court but to petitioners to Heaven. Lo and behold, Timon, who is now wretchedly poor, will become rich in an instant because he prayed vociferously and outspokenly and drew the attention of Zeus; but if he had bent his back and dug in silence he would still be digging neglected.

RICHES But I really can’t go to him, Zeus.

ZEUS Why not, my good Riches, when I have bidden you to do so?

RICHES Why, by Zeus, because he treated me contumeliously, bundled me out, made ducks and drakes of me, although I was his father’s friend, and all but thrust me out of the house with a pitchfork, throwing me away as people throw hot coals out of their hands. Am I to go back, then, and be betrayed into the hands of parasites and toadies and prostitutes ?. Send me to men who will be pleased with the gift, Zeus, who will be attentive to me, who hold me in honour and yearn for me, and let these

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noddies abide with Poverty, whom they prefer to me; let them get a coat of skin and a pick from her and be content, poor wretches, with a wage of four obols, they who heedlessly fling away ten-talent gifts.