Icaromenippus

RICHES That is a different matter, Hermes; I do not go on my own feet then, and it is not Zeus but Pluto who sends me; for he, too, is a bestower of riches and a generous giver, as his name implies. When I am to go from one man to another, they put me in wax tablets, seal me up carefully, take me up and carry me away. The dead man is laid out in a dark corner of the house with an old sheet over his knees, to be fought for by the weasels, while those who have expectations regarding me wait for me in the public square with their mouths open, just as the

When the seal is removed, the thread cut, and the tablets opened, they announce the naine of my new master, cither a relative or a toady or a lewd slave held in high esteem since the days of his wanton youth, with his chin still shaven clean, who in this way gets a generous recompense, deserving fellow that he is, for many and various favours which he did his master long after he had earned a discharge. Whoever he may be, he snatches me up, tablets and all, and runs off with me, changing his name from Pyrrhias or Dromo or Tibius to Megacles or Megabyzus or Protarchus, while those others who opened their mouths in vain are left looking at one another and mourning in earnest because such a fine fish has made his escape from the inmost pocket of their net after swallowing quantities of bait.[*](This refers to the presents which they gave the dead man in the hope of influencing his will.)

As for the man who has been flung head over ears into riches, an uncultivated, coarse-grained fellow who still shudders at the irons, pricks up his ear if anyone casually flicks a whip in passing, and worships the mill as if it were the seat of the mysteries, he is no longer endurable to those who encounter him, but insults gentlemen and whips his fellow-slaves, just to see if he himself can do that sort of thing, until at length he falls in with a prostitute or takes a fancy to breed horses or gives himself into the keeping of toadies who swear that he is better looking than Nireus, better born than Cecrops or Codrus, sharper witted than Odysseus and richer than sixteen Croesuses in one ; and then in a moment, poor devil, he pours out all that was

HERMES Yes, that is just about the way of it. But when you go on your own feet, how do you find the way, since you are so blind, and how do you tell who the people are whom Zeus sends you to because he thinks they deserve to be rich?

RICHES Do you suppose I find the way or tell who they are? Good Heavens, not a bit of it! Otherwise I would not have left Aristides in the lurch"to--go to Hipponicus and Callias and a great many others who do not deserve a copper.[*](Hipponicus was the father of Callias, and the son of another Callias, the founder of the family fortunes. There were several sinister stories current about the source of his wealth, but Lucian is probably thinking of the version given by Plutarch in the life of Aristides.) HERMES But what do you do when he sends you down ?

RICHES I wander up and down, roaming about until I come upon someone unawares, and that man, whoever he may be who happens on me, takes me home and keeps me, paying homage to you, Hermes, for his unexpected stroke of good-luck.[*](All windfalls were attributed to Hermes.)