Gallus

Lucian of Samosata

Lucian, Vol. 2. Harmon, A. M., editor. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1915.

COCK I know that very well; I went hungry all day until finally, late in the evening, you came back rather tight, bringing me those five beans, not a very bounteous repast for a cock who was once an athlete and made a fair showing at the Olympic games.

MICYLLUS When I came home after dinner, I went to sleep as soon as I had thrown you the beans, and then “through the ambrosial night,” as Homer puts it,[*](Iliad 2, 56.) a truly divine dream came to me and. . .

COCK First tell me what happened at Eucrates’, Micyllus, how the dinner was and all about the drinkingparty afterwards. For there is nothing to hinder you from dining all over again by making up adream so to speak, about that dinner and chewing the cud of your food in fancy.

MICYLLUS I thought I should bore you by telling all that, but since you want it, here goes. I never before dined with a rich man in all my life, Pythagoras, but by a stroke of luck I met Eucrates yesterday; after giving him “Good-day, master,” as usual, I was for going away again, so as not to shame him by joining his company in my beggarly cloak. But: “Micyllus,” said he, “I am giving a birthday party for my daughter to-day, and have invited a great many of my friends: but as one of them is ill, they say, and can’t dine with us, you must take a bath and come in his place, unless, to be sure, the man I invited says

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that he will come himself, for just now his coming is doubtful.” On hearing this I made obeisance to him and went away, praying to all the gods to send an attack of ague or pleurisy or gout to the invalid whose substitute and diner-out and heir I had been invited to become. I thought it an interminable age until my bath, and kept looking all the while to see how long the shadow was and when it would at last be time to bathe.

When the time finally came, I scrubbed myself with all speed and went off very well dressed, as I had turned my cloak inside out so that the garment might’ show the cleaner side.

I met at the door a number of people, and among them, carried on the shoulders of four bearers, the man whose place I was to have filled, who they said was ill; and in fact he was clearly ina bad way. At any rate he groaned and coughed and hawked in a hollow and Giencive way, and was all pale and flabby, a man of about sixty. He was said to be one of those philosophers who talk rubbish to the boys, and in fact. he had a regular goat’s beard, excessively long. And when Archibius, the doctor, took him to task for coming in that condition, “Duty,” he said, “must not be shirked, especially by a philosopher, though a thousand illnesses stand in his way; Eucrates would think he had been slighted by me.” “No indeed,” ‘said I, “He will commend you if you choose to die at home rather than to hawk and spit your life away at his party!” But the man’s pride

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was so great that he pretended not to have heard the sally. In a moment Eucrates joined us after his bath, and on seeing ‘Thesmopolis—for that was the philosopher’s name—he said : “Professor, it was very good of you to come to us, but you would not have fared any the worse if you had stayed away, for everything from first to last would have been sent you.” With that he started to go in, conducting Thesmopolis, who was supported by the servants too.

I was getting ready to go away, but he turned my way and hesitated a good while, and then, as he saw that I was very: downeast, said: “You come in too, Micyllus, and dine with us. Tl make my son eat with his mother in the women’s quarters so that you may have room.” I went in, therefore, after coming within an ace of licking my lips for nothing, like the wolf[*](The proverb seems to be founded on the fable of the wolf and the old woman ; she threatened to throw a baby to the wolf if it did not stop crying, and the wolf waited all day for the baby, only to go home disappointed. (Aesop, 275 Halm.)); I was ashamed, however, because I seemed to have driven Eucrates’ boy out of the dining-room.

When it was time to go to the table, first of all they picked Thesmopolis up and put him in place, not without some difficulty, though there were five stout lads, I think, to do it; and they stuffed eushions all round about him so that he could maintain his position and hold out for a long time. Then, as nobody else could endure to lie near him, they took me and put me in the place below him, making us neighbours at table. Then, Pythagoras, we began eating a dinner of many courses and great variety, served on gold and silver plate in profusion,

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and there were goblets of gold and handsome waiters and musicians and clowns withal. In short, we were delightfully entertained, except for one thing that annoyed me beyond measure: Thesmopolis kept bothering me and talking to me about virtue, whatever that may be, and teaching me that two negatives make an affirmative, and that if it is day it is not night ; and sometimes he actually said that I had horns.[*](For this and other Stoic fallacies, see Lucian I. p. 437 and note 2.) By philosophizing with me incessantly after that fashion when I had no mind for it, he spoiled and diminished my pleasure, not allowing me to hear the performers who were playing and singing. Well, there you have your dinner, cock.

COCK It was not of the pleasantest, Micyllus, as your lot was cast with that silly old man.

MICYLLUS Now listen to my dream. I thought that Eucrates himself had somehow become childless and lay dying, and that, after sending for me and making a will in which I was heir to everything, he lingered a while and then died. On entering into possession of the property, I dipped up the gold and the silver in great bowlfuls, for there was an ever-flowing, copious stream of it; and all the rest, too—the ‘clothing and tables and cups and waiters—all was mine, ot course. Then I drove out behind a pair of white horses, holding my head high, the admiration and the envy of all beholders; many ran before me and rode beside me, and still more followed after me, and I with his clothing on and my fingers covered with

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heavy rings, fully sixteen of them, was giving orders for a splendid feast to be prepared for the entertainment of my friends. In a moment they were there, as is natural in a dream, and the dinner was being served, and the drinking-bout was under way. While I was thus engaged and was drinking healths with each person there out of golden cups, just as the dessert was being brought in you lifted up your voice unseasonably, and disturbed our party, upset the tables and caused that wealth of mine to be scattered to the winds. Now do you think I was unreasonable in getting angry at you, when I should have been glad to see the dream last for three nights ?

COCK Are you such a lover of gold and of riches, Micyllus, and is owning quantities of gold the only thing in the world that you admire and consider blissful ?

MICYLLUS I am not the only ‘one to do so, Pythagoras: you yourself, when you were Euphorbus, sallied forth to fight the Achaeans with your curls tricked out in gold and silver, and even in war, where it would have been better to wear iron, you thought fit to face danger with your hair caught up with gold.[*](Tliad 17, 52.) No doubt Homer said that your hair was “like the Graces” because “it was snooded with gold and with silver” ; for it looked far finer and lovelier, of course, when it was interwoven with gold and shone in unison with it. And yet as far as you are concerned, Goldenhair, it is of little moment that you, the son of a Panthous, honoured gold, but what of the father

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of gods and of men, the son of Cronus and Rhea? When he was in love with that slip ofa girl in Argos, not having anything more attractive to change himself into nor any other means of corrupting the sentries of Acrisius, he turned into gold, as you, of course, have heard, and came down through the roof to visit his beloved. Then what is the use of my telling you the rest of it—how many uses gold has, and how, when people have it, it renders them handsome and wise and strong, lending them honour and esteem, and not infrequently it makes inconspicuous and contemptible people admired and renowned in a short time?

For instance, you know my neighbour, of the same trade, Simon, who dined with me not long ago when I boiled the soup for Cronus-day and put in two slices of sausage?

COCK Yes, I know him; the snub-nosed, short fellow who filched the earthen bowl and went away with it under his arm after dinner, the only bowl we had— I myself saw him, Micyllus.

MICYLLUS So it was he that stole it and then swore by so many gods that he did not? But why didn’t you cry out and tell on him then, cock, when you saw us being plundered ?

COCK I crowed, and that was all that I could do at the time. But what about Simon? You seemed to be going to say something about him.

MICYLLUS He had a cousin who was enormously rich, named Drimylus. This fellow while he was alive never gave

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apenny to Simon—why should he, when he himself did not touch his money? But since his death the other day all his property is Simon’s by law, and now he, the man with the dirty rags, the man that used to lick the pot, takes the air pleasantly, dressed in fine woollens and royal purple, the owner of servants and carriages and golden cups and_ ivory-legged tables, receiving homage from everybody and no longer even giving a glance at me. Recently, for example, I saw him coming toward me and said, “Good-day, Simon’; but he replicd: “Tell that pauper not to abbreviate my name; it is not Simon but Simonides.”[*](He adopts a name better suited to his new position in society ; ef. Timon 22.)1 What is more, the women are actually in love with him now, and he flirts with them and slights them, and when he receives some and is gracious to them the others threaten to hang themselves on account of his neglect. You see, don’t you, what blessings gold is able to bestow, when it transforms ugly people and renders them lovely, like the girdle in poetry?[*](The girdle of Aphrodite: /liad 14, 214 ff.) And you have heard the poets say: “O gold, thou choicest treasure,”[*](Euripides, from the lost Danae: Nauck, Vrag. Graec. Frag. 324.) and
  1. Tis gold that over mortal men doth rule.
Source unknown ; Nauck, ibid., adesp. 294. But why did you interrupt me by laughing, cock ?

COCK Because in your ignorance, Micyllus, you have gone just as far astray as most people in regard to the rich. Take my word for it, they live a much

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more wretched life than we. I who talk to you have been both poor and rich repeatedly, and have tested every kind of life : after a little you shall hear about it all.

MICYLLUS Yes, by Heaven, it is high time now for you to talk and tell me how you got transformed and what you know of each existence.

COCK Listen ; but first let me tell you thus much, that I have never seen anyone leading a happier life than you.

MICYLLUS Than I, cock? I wish you no better luck yourself! You force me to curse you, you know. But begin with Euphorbus and tell me how you were transformed to Pythagoras, and then the rest of it till you get to the cock : for it is likely that you have seen many sights and had many adventures in your multifarious existences.

COCK How my soul originally left Apollo, flew down to earth and entered into a human body and what sin it was condemned to expiate in that way would make a long story; besides, it is impious either for me to tell or for you to hear such things. But when I became Euphorbus. . .

MICYLLUS But I,—who was I formerly, wondrous creature ? First tell me whether I too was ever transformed like you. Cock Yes, certainly.

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MICYLLUS Then what was I ? ‘Tell me if you can, for I want to know.

COCK You were an Indian ant, one of the gold-digging kind.[*](Herod. 3, 102.) MICYLLUS Confound the luck ! to think that I did not dare to lay in even a small supply of gold-dust before coming from that life to this! But what shall I be next, tell me? You probably know. If it is anything good, [ll climb up this minute and hang myself from the peg that you are standing on.

COCK You can’t by any possibility find that out. But when I became Euphorbus—for I am going back to that subject—I fought at Troy and was killed by Menelaus, and some time afterwards I entered into Pythagoras. In the meanwhile I stood about and waited without a house till Mnesarchus should build me one.

MICYLLUS Without food and drink, my friend ?

COCK Yes, certainly ; for they turned out to be unnecessary, except for the body.

MICYLLUS Well, then, tell me the story of Troy first. Was it all as Homer says ?

COCK Why, where did he get his information, Micyllus? When all that was going on, he was a camel in

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Bactria. Tl tell you thus much, though: nothing was out of the common then, and Ajax was not as tall and Helen herself not as fair as people think. As I saw her, she had a white complexion and a long neck, to be sure, so that you might know she was the daughter of a swan ; but as for the rest of it, she was decidedly old, about the saine age as Hecuba; for Theseus eloped with her in the first place and kept her at Aphidnae, and Theseus lived in the time of Heracles, who took Troy the first time it was taken, in the time of our fathers,—our then fathers, Imean. Panthous told me all this, and said that when he was quite small he had seen Heracles.

MICYLLUS But how about Achilles? Was he as Homer describes him, supreme in everything, or is this only a fable too ?

COCK I did not come into contact with him at all, Micyllus, and I can’t tell you as accurately about the Greek side. How could I, being one of the enemy? His comrade Patroclus, however, I killed without difficulty, running him through with my spear.[*](The cock is drawing the long-bow; Euphorbus only wounded Patroclus, Iliad 16, 806 ff.) MICYLLUS And then Menelaus killed you with much greater ease! But enough of this, and now tell me the story of Pythagoras.

COCK In brief, Micyllus, I was a sophist, for I must tell the truth, I suppose. However, I was not uneducated or unacquainted with the noblest sciences. I

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even went to: Egypt to study with the prophets, penetrated into their sanctuaries and learned the books of Horus and Isis by heart, and then I sailed away to Italy and worked upon the Greeks in that quarter of the world to such an extent that they thought me a god.

MICYLLUS So I have heard, and I have also heard that you were thought to have come to life again after dying, and that you once showed them that your thigh was of gold. But, look here, tell me how it occurred to you to make a law against eating either meat or beans?

COCK Do not press that question, Micyllus.

MICYLLUS Why, cock ? Cock Because I am ashamed to tell you the truth of it.

MICYLLUS But you oughtn’t to hesitate to tell a housemate and a friend—for I cannot call myself your master any longer.

COCK It was nothing sensible or wise, but I perceived that if I made laws that were ordinary and just like those of the run of legislators I should not induce men to wonder at me, whereas the more I departed from precedent, the more of a figure I should cut, I thought, in their eyes. Therefore I preferred to introduce innovations, keeping the reason for them secret so that one man might guess one thing

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and one another, and all be perplexed, as they are in the case of oracles that are obscure. Look here, you are laughing at me, now.

MICYLLUS Not so much at you as at the people of Croton and Metapontum and Tarentum and all the rest who followed you dumbly and worshipped the footprints that you left in walking.

But after you put off the part of Pythagoras what other did you assume ?

COCK Aspasia, the courtesan from Miletus.

MICYLLUS Whew, what a yarn! So Pythagoras became a woman on top of everything else, and there was once atime when you laid eggs, most distinguished of cocks; when you lived with Pericles in the capacity of Aspasia and had children by him and carded wool and spun yarn and made the most of your sex in courtesan style?

COCK Yes, I did all that, and I am not the only one: both Tiresias and Caeneus the son of Elatus preecded me, so that all your jokes at my expense will be at their expense too.[*](Tiresias struck a pair of mating serpents with his staff, and turned into a woman ; seven years later he once more saw them and struck them, becoming a man again (Ovid, Melam. 3, 316 ff.). Poseidon turned Caenis into a man at her own request after he had wronged her (Metam. 12, 189 ff.).) MICYLLUS How about it? Which life did you find the pleasanter, when you were a man or when Pericles dallied with you ?

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COCK Just see what a question you have asked there! Even Tiresias paid dearly for answering it ![*](Zeus had said that Hera’s sex enjoyed more pleasure than his own. Hera denied it; Tiresias was called in as umpire and held with Zeus, whereupon Hera struck him blind (Metam. l. c.).) MICYLLUS Whether you tell me or not, Euripides has settled the business well enough, for he says that he would sooner stand in line of battle thrice over than bear a single child.[*](Medea 251.) COCK I'll remind you of that before long, Micyllus, when you are in child-bed; for you too will be a woman again and again in your long cycle of existences.

MICYLLUS Hang you, cock, do you think everybody hails from Miletus or Samos? They say that while you were Pythagoras and young and handsome you often played Aspasia to the tyrant.

But what man or woman did you become after Aspasia ?

COCK The Cynic Crates.

MICYLLUS Twin brethren! what ups and downs! First a courtesan, then a philosopher !

COCK Then a king, then a poor man, and soon a satrap ; then a horse, a jackdaw, a frog, and a thousand things besides ; it would take too long to enumerate them all. But of late I have often been a cock, for I liked that sort of life; and after belonging to many men,

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both rich and poor, at length I am now living with you, laughing at you every day for bewailing and lamenting over your poverty and for admiring the rich through ignorance of the troubles that are theirs. Indeed, if you knew the cares they have, you would laugh at yourself for thinking at_ first that wealth was a source of extraordinary happiness.

MICYLLUS Well then, Pythagoras—but tell me what you like best to be called, so that I may not muddle up our conversation by calling you different names.

COCK It will make no difference whether you call me Euphorbus or Pythagoras, Aspasia or Crates; I am all of them. But you had better call me what you now see me to be, a cock, so as not to slight a bird that, although held in low esteem, has in itself so many souls.