Juppiter Tragoedus

Lucian of Samosata

Lucian, Vol. 2. Harmon, A. M., editor. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1915.

HERACLES As for me, father, though I am but an alien I.shall not hesitate to say what I think. When they have met and are disputing, if Timocles gets the better of it, let’s allow the discussion about us to proceed ; but if it turns out at all adversely, in that case, if you approve, I myself will at once shake the porch and throw it down on Damis, so that he may not affront us, confound him!

ZEUS In the name of Heracles! that was a loutish, horribly Boeotian thing you said, Heracles, to involve so many honest men in the destruction of a single rascal, and the porch too, with its Marathon and Miltiades and Cynegirus![*](The porch in question was the Painted Porch, with its fresco representing the battle of Marathon.) If they should collapse how could the orators orate any more? They would be robbed of their principal topic for speeches.[*](Compare The Orators’ Coach (Rhet. Praec.), 18.) Moreover, although while you were alive you could no doubt have done something of the sort, since you have become a god you have found out, I suppose, that only the Fates can do such things; and that we have no part in them.

HERACLES So when I killed the lion or the Hydra, the Fates did it through my agency?

ZEUS Why, certainly!

v.2.p.139
HERACLES And now, in case anyone affronts me by robbing my temple or upsetting my image, can’t I exterminate him unless it was long ago settled that way by the Fates?

ZEUS No, not by any means.

HERACLES Then hear me frankly, Zeus, for as the comic poet puts it,

  1. I'm but a boor and call a spade a spade.
If that is the way things stand here with you, I shall say good-bye forever to the honours here and the odour of sacrifice and the blood of victims and go down to Hell, where with my bow uncascd I can at least frighten the ghosts of the animals I have slain.

ZEUS Bravo! testimony from the inside, as the saying goes. Really you would have done us a great service if you had given Damis a hint to say that.