Cataplus

Charon You see how it is, Clotho; here has all been ship-shape and ready for a start this long time; the hold baled out, the mast stepped, the sail hoisted, every oar in its rowlock; it is no fault of mine that we don’t weigh anchor and sail. 'Tis Hermes keeps us; he should have been here long ago. Not a passenger on board, as you may see; and we might have made the trip three times over by this. Evening is coming on now; and never a penny taken all day! I know how it will be: Pluto will think I have been wanting to my work. It is not I that am to blame, but our fine gentleman of a supercargo. He is just like any mortal: he has taken a drink of their Lethe up there, and forgotten to come back to us. He'll be wrestling with the lads, or playing on his lyre, or giving his precious gift of the gab a good airing; or he’s off after plunder, the rascal, for what I know: ’tis all in the day’s work with him. He is getting too independent: he ought to remember that he belongs to us, one half of him.

Clotho Well, well, Charon; perhaps he has been busy: Zeus may have had some particular occasion for his services in the upper world; he has the use of him too, remember.

Charon That doesn’t say that he should make use of him beyond

Clotho Well, never mind now; here he comes, look, and a fine host of passengers with him; a fine flock, rather; he hustles them along with his staff like so many goats, But what’s this? One of them is bound, and another enjoying the joke; and there is one with a wallet slung beside him, and a stick in his hand; a cantankerous-looking fellow; he keeps the rest moving. And just look at Hermes! Bathed in perspiration, and his feetcovered with dust! See how he pants; he is quite out of breath. What is the matter, Hermes? Tell us all about it; you seem disturbed.

Hermes The matter is that this rascal ran away; I had to go after him, and had well nigh played you false for this trip, I can tell you.

Clotho Why, who is he? What did he want to run away for?

Hermes His motive is sufficiently clear: he had a preference for remaining alive. He is some king or tyrant, as I gather from his piteous allusions to blessedness no longer his.

Clotho And the fool actually tried to run away, and thought to prolong his life when the thread of Fate was exhausted?

Hermes Tried! He would have got clean away, but for that capital fellow there with the club; he gave me a hand, and we caught and bound him. The whole way along, from the moment that Atropus handed him over to me, he dragged and

Clotho There now, Charon! And we were beginning to accuse Hermes of neglect.

Charon Well, and why are we waiting here, as if there had not been enough delay already?

Clotho True. Let them come aboard. I’ll to my post by the gangway, with my notebook, and take their names and countries as they come up, and details of their deaths; and you can stow them away as you get them.—Hermes, let us have those babies in first; I shall get nothing out of them.

Hermes Here, skipper. Three hundred of them, including those that were exposed.

Charon A precious haul, on my word!—These are but green grapes, Hermes.

Hermes Who next, Clotho? The Unwept?

Clotho Ah! I take you.—Yes, up with the old fellows. I have no time to-day for prehistoric research. All over sixty, pass on! What’s the matter with them? They don’t hear me; they are deaf with age. I think you will have to pick them up, like the babies, and get them along that way.

Hermes Here they are; fine well-matured fruit, gathered in due season; three hundred and ninety-eight of them,

Charon Nay, nay; these are no better than raisins.

Clotho Bring up the wounded next, Hermes. Now I can get to work. Tell me how you were killed. Or no; I had better look at my notes, and call you over. Eighty-four due to be killed in battle yesterday, in Mysia, ‘These to include Gobares, son of Oxyartes.

Hermes Adsunt.

Clotho The seven who killed themselves for love. Also Theagenes, the philosopher, for love of the Megarian courtesan.

Hermes Here they are, look.

Clotho And the rival claimants to thrones, who slew one another?

Hermes Here!

Clotho And the one murdered by his wife and her paramour?

Hermes Straight in front of you,

Clotho Now the victims of the law,—the cudgelled and the crucified. And where are those sixteen who were killed by robbers?

Hermes Here; you may know them by their wounds. Am I to bring the women too?

Clotho Yes, certainly; and all who were shipwrecked; it is the same kind of death. And those who died of fever, bring them too, the doctor Agathocles and all.

Then there was a Cynic philosopher, who was to have succumbed to a dinner with

Cynic Here I stand this long time, my good Clotho. Now what had I done to deserve such a weary spell of life? You gave me pretty nearly a spindleful of it. I often tried to cut the thread and away; but somehow it never would give.

Clotho I left you as a censor and physician of human frailties: pass on, and good luck to you.

Cynic No, by Zeus! First let us see our captive safe on board. Your judgement might be perverted by his entreaties.

Clotho Let me see; who is he?

Hermes Megapenthes, son of Lacydes; tyrant.

Clotho Come up, Megapenthes.

Megapenthes. Nay, nay, my lady Clotho; suffer me to return for a little while, and I will come of my own accord, without waiting to be summoned,

Clotho What do you want to go for?

Megapenthes. I crave permission to complete my palace: I left the building half-finished.

Clotho Pooh! Come along.

Megapenthes. Oh Fate, I ask no long reprieve. Vouchsafe me this one day, that I may inform my wife where my great treasure lies buried.

Clotho Impossible. 'Tis Fate’s decree.

Megapenthes. And all that money is to be thrown away?

Clotho Not thrown away. Be under no uneasiness. Your cousin Megacles will take charge of it.

Megapenthes. Oh, monstrous! My enemy, whom from sheer good-nature I omitted to put to death?

Clotho The same. He will survive you for rather more than forty years; in the full enjoyment of your harem, your wardrobe, and your treasure.

Megapenthes. It is too bad of you, Clotho, to hand over my property to my worst enemy.

Clotho My dear sir, it was Cydimachus’s property first, surely? You only succeeded to it by murdering him, and butchering his children before his eyes.

Megapenthes. Yes, but it was mine after that.

Clotho Well, and now your term of possession expires.

Megapenthes. A word in your ear, madam; no one else must hear this.—Sirs, withdraw for a space.—Clotho, if you will let me escape, I pledge myself to give you a quarter of a million sterling this very day.

Clotho Ha, ha! So your millions are still running in your head?

Megapenthes. Shall I throw in the two mixing-bowls that I got by the murder of Cleocritus? They weigh a couple of tons apiece; refined gold!

Clotho Drag him up. We shall never get him to come on board by himself.

Megapenthes. I call you all to witness! My city-wall, my docks, remain unfinished. I only wanted five days more to complete them.

Clotho Never mind. It will be another’s work now.

Megapenthes. Stay! One request I can make with a clear conscience.

Clotho Well?

Megapenthes. Suffer me only to complete the conquest of Persia; and to impose tribute on Lydia; ... and erect a colossal monument to myself, ... and inscribe thereon the military achievements of my life. Then let me die.

Clotho Creature, this is no single day’s reprieve: you would want something like twenty years.

Megapenthes. Oh, but I am quite prepared to give security for my expeditious return, Nay, I could provide a substitute, if preferred;—my well-beloved!

Clotho Wretch! How often have you prayed that he might survive you!

Megapenthes. That was a long time ago. New,—I see a better use for him.

Clotho But he is due to be here, shortly, let me tell you. He is to be put to death by the new sovereign.

Megapenthes. Well, Clotho, I hope you will not refuse my last request.

Clotho Which is?

Megapenthes. I should like to know how things will be, now that I am gone.

Clotho Certainly; you shall have that mortification. Your wife will pass into the hands of Midas, your slave; he has been her gallant for some time past.

Megapenthes. Acurse on him! 'Twas at her request that I gave him his freedom.

Clotho Your daughter will take her place in the harem of the present monarch. ‘Then all the old statues and portraits which the city set up in your honour will be overturned,—to the entertainment, no doubt, of the spectators.

Megapenthes. And will no friend resent these doings?

Clotho Who was your friend? Who had any reason to be? Need I explain that the cringing courtiers who lauded your every word and deed were actuated either by hope or by fear —time-servers every man of them, with a keen eye to the main chance?

Megapenthes. And these are they whose feasts rang with my name! who, as they poured their libations, invoked every blessing on my head! Not one but would have died before me, could he have had his will; nay, they swore by no other name.

Clotho Yes; and you dined with one of them yesterday, and it cost you your life. It was that last cup you drank that brought you here.

Megapenthes. Ah, I noticed a bitter taste—But what was his object?

Clotho Oh, you want to know too much. It is high time you came on board.

Megapenthes. Clotho, I had a particular reason for desiring one more glimpse of daylight. I have a burning grievance!

Clotho And what is that? Something of vast importance, I make no doubt.

Megapenthes. It is about my slave Carion. The moment he knew of my death, he came up to the room where I lay; it was late in the evening; he had plenty of time in front of him, for not a soul was watching by me; he brought with him my concubine Glycerium (an old affair, this, E suspect), closed the door, and proceeded to take his pleasure with her, as if no third person had been in the room! Having satisfied the demands of passion, he turned his attention to me. ‘You little villain,’ he cried, ‘many’s the flogging I’ve had from you, for no fault of mine!’ And as he spoke he plucked out my hair and smote me on the face. ‘Away with you,’ he cried finally, spitting on me, ‘away to the place of the damned!’—and so withdrew. I burned with resentment: but there I lay stark and cold, and could do nothing. That baggage Glycerium, too, hearing footsteps approaching, moistened her eyes and pretended she had been weeping for me; and withdrew sobbing, and repeating my name.—If I could but get hold of them——

Clotho Never mind what you would do to them, but come on board. The hour is at hand when you must appear before the tribunal.

Megapenthes. And who will presume to give his vote against a tyrant?

Clotho Against a tyrant, who indeed? Against a Shade, Rhadamanthus will take that liberty. He is strictly impartial, as you will presently observe, in adapting his sentences to the requirements of individual cases. And now, no more delay.

Megapenthes. Dread Fate, let me be some common man,—some

Clotho Where is the one with the stick? Hermes, you and he must drag him up feet foremost. He will never come up by himself.

Hermes Come along, my runagate. Here you are, skipper. And I say, keep an eye——

Charon Never fear. We'll lash him to the mast.

Megapenthes. Look you, I must have the seat of honour.

Clotho And why exactly?

Megapenthes. Can you ask? Was I not a tyrant, with a guard of ten thousand men?

Cynic Oh, dullard! And you complain of Carion’s pulling your hair! Wait till you get a taste of this stick; you shall know what it is to be a tyrant.

Megapenthes. What, shall a Cynic dare to raise his staff against me? Sirrah, have you forgotten the other day, when I had all but nailed you to the cross, for letting that sharp censorious tongue of yours wag too freely?

Cynic Well, and now it is your turn te be nailed,—to the mast.

Micyllus And what of me, mistress? Am I to be left out of the reckoning? Because I am poor, must I be the last to come aboard?

Clotho Who are you?

Micyllus Micyllus the cobbler.

Clotho A cobbler, and cannot wait your turn? Look at the tyrant: see what bribes he offers us, only for a short reprieve. It is very strange that delay is not to your fancy too.

Micyllus It is this way, my lady Fate. I find but cold comfort in that promise of the Cyclops: ‘Outis shall be eaten last,’ said he; but first or last, the same teeth are waiting. And then, it is not the same with me as with the rich. Our lives are what they call ‘diametrically opposed.’ This tyrant, now, was

As for me, I had no stake in life; lands and horses, money and goods, fame, statues,—I had none of them; I could not have been in better trim: it needed but one nod from Atropus,—I was busied about a boot at the time, but down I flung knife and leather with a will, jumped up, and never waited to get my shoes, or wash the blacking from my hands, but joined the procession there and then, ay, and headed it, looking ever forward; I had left nothing behind me that called for a backward glance. And, on my word, things begin to look well already. Equal rights for all, and no man better than his neighbour; that is hugely to my liking. And from what I can learn there is no collecting of debts in this country, and no taxes; better still, no shivering in winter, no sickness, no hard knocks from one’s betters. All is peace. The tables are turned: the laugh is with us poor men; it is the rich that make moan, and are ill at ease.

Clotho To be sure, I noticed that you were laughing, some time ago. What was it in particular that excited your mirth?

Micyllus I'll tell you, best of Goddesses. Being next door to a tyrant up there, I was all eyes for what went on in his house; and he seemed to me neither more nor less than a God. I saw the embroidered purple, the host of courtiers, the gold, the jewelled goblets, the couches with their feet of silver: and I thought, this is happiness. As for the sweet savour that arose when his dinner was getting ready, it was too much for me; such blessedness seemed more than human. And then his proud looks and stately walk and high carriage, striking admiration into all beholders! It seemed almost as if he must be handsomer than other men, and a good eighteen inches taller. But when he was dead, he made a queer figure, with all his finery gone; though I laughed more at myself than at him: there had I been worshipping mere scum on no better authority than the smell of roast meat, and reckoning happiness by the blood of Lacedaemonian sea-snails!

There was Gniphon the usurer, too, bitterly reproaching himself for having died without ever knowing the taste of wealth, leaving all his money to his nearest relation and heir-at-law, the spendthrift Rhodochares, when he might have had the enjoyment of it himself. When I saw him, I laughed as if I should never stop: to think of him as he used to be, pale, wizened, with a face full of care, his fingers the only rich part of him, for they had the talents to count,—scraping the money together bit by bit, and all to be squandered in no time by that favourite of Fortune, Rhodochares!—But what are we waiting for now? There will be time enough on the voyage to enjoy their woebegone faces, and have our laugh out.

Clotho Come on board, and then the ferryman can haul up the anchor.

Charon Now, now! What are you doing here? The boat is full, You wait till to-morrow. We can bring you across in the morning.

Micyllus What right have you to leave me behind,—a shade of twenty-four hours’ standing? I tell you what it is, I shall have you up before Rhadamanthus. A plague on it, she’s moving! And here I shall be left all by myself. Stay, though: why not swim across in their wake? No matter if I get tired; a dead man will scarcely be drowned. Not to mention that I have not a penny to pay my fare.

Clotho Micyllus! Stop! You must not come across that way; Heaven forbid!

Micyllus Ha, ha! I shall get there first, and I shouldn’t wonder.

Clotho This will never do, We must get to him, and pick him up.... Hermes, give him a hand up.

Charon And where is he to sit now he is here?_ We are full up, as you may see,

Hermes What do you say to the tyrant’s shoulders?

Clotho A good idea that.

Charon Up with you then; and make the rascal’s back ache. And now, good luck to our voyage!

Cynic Charon, I may as well tell you the plain truth at once. The penny for my fare is not forthcoming; -I have nothing but my wallet, look, and this stick, But if you want a hand at baling, here I am; or I could take an oar; only give me a good stout one, and you shall have no fault to find with me.

Charon To it, then; and I’ll ask no other payment of you.

Cynic Shall I tip them a stave?

Charon To be sure, if you have a sea-song about you.

Cynic I have several. Look here though, an opposition is starting: a song of lamentation. It will throw me out.

Cynic Oh, my lands, my lands!—Ah, my money, my money!— Farewell, my fine palace!—The thousands that fellow will have to squander!—Ah, my helpless children!—To think of the vines I planted last year! Who, ah who, will pluck the grapes?

Hermes Why, Micyllus, have you never an Oh or an Ah? It is

Micyllus Get along with you. What have I to dowith Ohs and Ahs? I’m enjoying the trip!

Hermes Still, just a groan or two. It’s expected.

Micyllus Well, if I must, here goes.—Farewell, leather, farewell! Ah, Soles, old Soles!—Qh, ancient Boots!—Woe’s me! Never again shall I sit empty from morn till night; never again walk up and down, of a winter’s day, naked, unshod, with chattering teeth! My knife, my awl, will be another’s: whose, ah! whose?

Hermes Yes, that will do. We are nearly there.