Demonax

I should like to cite a few of his well-directed and witty remarks, and may as well begin with Favorinus [*](An eunuch from Arles, of considerable repute as a sophist.) and what he said to him. When Favorinus was told by someone that Demonax was making fun of his lectures and particularly of the laxity of their rhythm, saying that it was vulgar and effeminate and not by any means appropriate to philosophy, he went to Demonax and asked him: “Who are you to libel my compositions?” “A

Another time the same man went to him and asked what philosophical school he favoured most. Demonax replied: “Why, who told you that I was a philosopher?” As he left, he broke into a very hearty laugh ; and when Favorinus asked him what he was laughing at, he replied: “It seemed to me ridiculous that you should think a philosopher can be told by his beard when you yourself have none.”

When the Sidonian sophist [*](Otherwise unknown.) was once showing. his powers at Athens, and was voicing his own praise to the effect that he was acquainted with all philosophy—but I may as well cite his very words : “If Aristotle calls me to the Lyceum, I shall go with him; if Plato calls me to the Academy, I shall come; if Zeno calls, I shall spend my time in the Stoa ; if Pythagoras calls, I shall hold my tongue.” [*](Alluding to the Pythagorean vow of silence.) Well, Demonax arose in the midst of the audience and said: “Ho” (addressing him by name), “Pythagoras is calling you !”

When a handsome young fellow named Pytho, who belonged to one of the aristocratic families in Macedonia, was quizzing him, putting a catchquestion to him and asking him to tell the logical answer, he said: “I know thus much, my boy— it’s a poser, and so are you!” Enraged at the pun, the other said threateningly: “I'll show you in short order that you’ve a man to deal with!”

When an athlete, whom he had ridiculed for letting himself be seen in gay clothes although he was an Olympic champion, struck him on the head with a stone and drew blood, each of the bystanders was as angry as if he himself had been struck, and they shouted “Go to the proconsul!” But Demonax said “No! not to the proconsul—for the doctor !”

Finding a bit of jewelry one day while he was out walking, he posted a notice in the public square asking the one who owned it and had lost it to come and get it by describing the weight of the setting, the stone, and the engravings on it. Well, a pretty girl came to him saying that she had lost it; but as there was nothing right in her description, Demonax said: “Be off, girl, and don’t lose your own jewel : this is none of yours !”

A Roman senator in Athens introduced his son to him, a handsome boy, but girlish and neurasthenic, saying: “My son here pays his respects to you.” “A dear boy,’ said Demonax, “worthy of you and like his mother!”