Banquet

When they got around to Philip, they asked him what he saw in the jester’s profession to feel proud of it. Have I not a right to be proud, said he, when all know that I am a jester, and so whenever they have a bit of good fortune, give me hearty invitations to come and join them, but when they suffer some reverse, run from me with never a glance behind, in dread that they may be forced to laugh in spite of themselves?

Your pride is abundantly justified, said Niceratus. In my case, on the contrary, those friends who enjoy success keep out of my way, but those that run into some mishap reckon up their kinship to me on the family tree, and I can’t get rid of them.

No doubt, said Charmides; and then, turning to the Syracusan, What is it that you are proud of? The boy, I suppose? Quite the contrary, was the reply; I am instead in extreme apprehension about him. For I understand that there are certain persons plotting his undoing.

On receiving this information, Good Heavens! exclaimed Socrates; what wrong do they imagine your lad has done them that is grave enough to make them wish to kill him? Syr. It is not killing him that they desire; oh, no! but to persuade him to sleep with them. Soc. Your belief, then, if I mistake not, is that if this happened, he would be undone? Syr. Aye, utterly!

Soc. Do you not then sleep in his bed yourself?Syr. Most certainly, all night and every night.Soc. Marry, you are in great luck to be formed of such flesh that you are unique in not corrupting those that sleep with you. And so you have a right to be proud of your flesh if of nothing else.

Syr. And yet that is not the basis of my pride.Soc. What is, then?Syr. Fools, in faith. They give me a livelihood by coming to view my marionettes.Ah! ejaculated Philip; that explains the prayer I heard you uttering the other day, that wherever you were the gods would grant you an abundant harvest of grain but a crop-failure of wits!

Good! said Callias. And now, Socrates, what can you advance in support of your pride in that disreputable profession that you mentioned? Let us first, said he, come to an understanding on the functions that belong to the procurer. Do not hesitate to answer all the questions I ask you, so that we may know our points of agreement. Is that your pleasure? he asked. Certainly, was their reply; and when they had once started with certainly, that was the regular answer they all made to his questions thereafter.

Soc. Well, then, you consider it the function of a good procurer to render the man or the woman whom he is serving attractive to his or her associates?All. Certainly.Soc. Now, one thing that contributes to rendering a person attractive is a comely arrangement of hair and clothing, is it not?All. Certainly.

This, also, we know, do we not, that it is in a man’s power to use the one pair of eyes to express both friendship and hostility?Certainly.And again, it is possible to speak both modestly and boldly with the same voice?Certainly.Moreover, are there not words that create ill feeling and others that conduce to friendliness?Certainly.

Now the good procurer would teach only the words that tend to make one attractive, would he not?Certainly.Which one would be the better? he continued, the one who could make people attractive to a single person or the one who could make them attractive to many? This question brought a division; some said, Clearly the one who could make them attractive to a great many; the others merely repeated, Certainly.

Remarking that they were all of one mind on this point as on the others, he went on: If a person could render people attractive to the entire community, would he not satisfy the requirements of the ideal procurer?Indubitably, they all said. And so, if one could produce men of this type out of his clients, he would be entitled to feel proud of his profession and to receive a high remuneration, would he not?

All agreeing on this point, too, he added, Antisthenes here seems to me to be a man of just that sort.Antisthenes asked, Are you resigning your profession to me, Socrates?Assuredly, was the answer. For I see that you have brought to a high state of perfection the complementary trade. What is that? The profession of go-between, he said.

Antisthenes was much incensed and asked, What knowledge can you possibly have of my being guilty of such a thing as that?I know several instances, he replied. I know that you acted the part between Callias here and the scholar Prodicus, when you saw that Callias was in love with philosophy and that Prodicus wanted money. I know also that you did the same for Hippias, the Elean, from whom Callias got his memory system; and as a result, Callias has become more amorous than ever, because he finds it impossible to forget any beauty he sees.

And just recently, you remember, you introduced the stranger from Heraclea[*](Zeuxippus, the painter. Cf. Plato, Protag. 318 B, C.) to me, after arousing my keen interest in him by your commendations. For this I am indeed grateful to you; for I look upon him as endowed with a truly noble nature. And did you not laud Aeschylus the Phleiasian[*](Nothing further seems to be known of this man.) to me and me to him until you brought us to such a pass that in mutual yearning, excited by your words, we went coursing like hounds to find each other?

It is the witnessing of your talent at achieving such a result that makes me judge you an excellent go-between. For the man who can recognize those who are fitted to be mutually helpful and can make them desire one another’s acquaintance, that man, in my opinion, could also create friendship between cities and arrange suitable marriages, and would be a very valuable acquisition as friend or ally for both states and individuals. But you got indignant, as if you had received an affront, when I said that you were a good go-between.But, indeed, that is all over now, he replied; for with this power mine I shall find my soul chock-full of riches. And so this round of discourse was brought to a close.

Callias now said, Critobulus, are you going to refuse to enter the lists in the beauty contest with Socrates?Undoubtedly! said Socrates; for probably he notices that the procurer stands high in the favour of the judges.

But yet in spite of that, retorted Critobulus, I do not shun the contest. So make your plea, if you can produce any profound reason, and prove that you are more handsome than I. Only, he added, let some one bring the light close to him. The first step, then, in my suit, said Socrates, is to summon you to the preliminary hearing; be so kind as to answer my questions. And you proceed to put them.

Do you hold, then, that beauty is to be found only in man, or is it also in other objects?Crit. In faith, my opinion is that beauty is to be found quite as well in a horse or an ox or in any number of inanimate things. I know, at any rate, that a shield may be beautiful, or a sword, or a spear.

Soc. How can it be that all these things are beautiful when they are entirely dissimilar?Why, they are beautiful and fine,[*](Critobulus, of course, gets into trouble by his poor definition of beauty. In the Greek the ensuing discussion is made plausible by the fact that throughout both disputants use only one word, καλός, which means not only beautiful or handsome but also glorious, noble, excellent, fine; and though starting with the first meaning it soon shifts to the last. The translator is compelled to use different terms for this in the two parts of the argument.) answered Critobulus, if they are well made for the respective functions for which we obtain them, or if they are naturally well constituted to serve our needs.

Soc. Do you know the reason why we need eyes?Crit. Obviously to see with.In that case, it would appear without further ado that my eyes are finer ones than yours.How so?Because, while yours see only straight ahead, mine, by bulging out as they do, see also to the sides.Crit. Do you mean to say that a crab is better equipped visually than any other creature?Soc. Absolutely; for its eyes are also better set to insure strength.