Memorabilia

Again, I once heard him give a discourse on friendship[*](Cyropaedia VIII. vii. 13.) that was likely, as I thought, to help greatly in the acquisition and use of friends.For he said that he often heard it stated that of all possessions the most precious is a good and sincere friend. And yet, he said, there is no transaction most men are so careless about as the acquisition of friends.

For I find that they are careful about getting houses and lands and slaves and cattle and furniture, and anxious to keep what they have; but though they tell one that a friend is the greatest blessing, I find that most men take no thought how to get new friends or how to keep their old ones.

Indeed, if one of their friends and one of their servants fall ill at the same time, I find that some call in the doctor to attend the servant and are careful to provide everything that may contribute to his recovery, whereas they take no heed of the friend. In the event of both dying, they are vexed at losing the servant, but don’t feel that the death of the friend matters in the least. And though none of their other possessions is uncared for and unconsidered, they are deaf to their friends’ need of attention.

And besides all this, I find that most men know the number of their other possessions, however great it may be, yet cannot tell the number of their friends, few as they are; and, if they are asked and try to make a list, they will insert names and presently remove them. So much for the thought they give to their friends!

Yet surely there is no other possession that can compare with a good friend. For what horse, what yoke of oxen is so good a servant as the good friend? What slave so loyal and constant? or what possession so serviceable?

The good friend is on the watch to supply whatever his friend wants for building up his private fortune and forwarding his public career. If generosity is called for, he does his part: if fear harasses, he comes to the rescue, shares expenses, helps to persuade, bears down opposition: he is foremost in delighting him when he is prosperous and raising him up when he falls.

Of all that a man can do with his hands, see for himself with his eyes, hear for himself with his ears or accomplish with his feet, in nothing is a friend backward in helping. Nevertheless, while some strive to cultivate a tree for its fruit, most bestow but an idle and listless care on their most fruitful possession, the name of which is friend.

Again, I once heard him exhort a listener — for so I interpreted his words — to examine himself and to ask how much he was worth to his friends. For he had noticed that one of his companions was neglecting a poverty-stricken friend; so he put a question to Antisthenes in the presence of several others, including the careless friend.

Antisthenes, he said, have friends like servants their own values? For one servant, I suppose, may be worth two minas,[*](Some 8 pounds.) another less than half a mina, another five minas, another no less than ten. Nicias, son of Niceratus, is said to have given a whole talent[*](Some 240 pounds.) for a manager of his silver-mine. So I am led to inquire whether friends too may not differ in value.

Oh yes, replied Antisthenes, there are men whose friendship I, at any rate, would rather have than two minas: others I should value at less than half a mina: others I would prefer to ten minas: others I would sacrifice any sum and take any trouble to have among my friends.

Then if that is so, said Socrates, were it not well that one should ask himself how much he is really worth to his friends, and try to make himself as precious as possible, in order that his friends may not be tempted to betray him? For my part, I often hear complaints of this sort: A friend betrayed me, one whom I regarded as my friend gave me up for the sake of a mina.

I think over such matters and reflect that, when a man sells a bad slave he takes anything he can get for him; and perhaps it is tempting to sell a bad friend when there is a chance of getting more than he is worth. Good servants, I find, are not offered for sale, nor are good friends betrayed.

In the following conversation I thought he gave instruction for testing the qualities that make a man’s friendship worth winning.Tell me, Critobulus, he said, if we wanted a good friend, how should we start on the quest? Should we seek first for one who is no slave to eating and drinking, lust, sleep, idleness? For the thrall of these masters cannot do his duty by himself or his friend.No, of course not.Then you think we should avoid one who is subject to them?I do, certainly.

Now what about the spendthrift who is never satisfied, who is always appealing to his neighbours for help, if he receives something, makes no return, if he receives nothing, resents it? Don’t you think he too is a troublesome friend?Certainly.Then we must avoid him too?We must indeed.

Again, what about the skilful man of business who is eager to make money, and consequently drives a hard bargain, who likes to receive but is disinclined to repay?So far as I see, he is even worse than the last.

And what of the man who is such a keen man of business that he has no leisure for anything but the selfish pursuit of gain?We must avoid him too, I think. There is no profit in knowing him.And what of the quarrelsome person who is willing to provide his friends with plenty of enemies?We must shun him too, of course.Suppose that a man is free from all these faults, but stoops to receive kindness with no thought of returning it?There is no profit in him either. But what are the qualities for which we shall try to win a man’s friendship, Socrates?The opposite of these, I suppose.

We shall look for one who controls his indulgence in the pleasures of the body, who is truly hospitable[*](Or εὔνους, loyal, or εὔορκος, scrupulous, a man of his word.) and fair in his dealings and eager to do as much for his benefactors as he receives from them, so that he is worth knowing.

Then how can we test these qualities, Socrates, before intimacy begins?What test do we apply to a sculptor? We don’t judge by what he says, but we look at his statues, and if we see that the works he has already produced are beautiful, we feel confident that his future works will be as good.

You mean that anyone whose good works wrought upon his old friends are manifest will clearly prove a benefactor to new friends also?Yes; for when I find that an owner of horses has been in the habit of treating his beasts well I think that he will treat others equally well.