To Demonicus

Confide in them about matters which require no secrecy as if they were secrets; for if you fail you will not injure yourself, and if you succeed you will have a better knowledge of their character. Prove your friends by means of the misfortunes of life and of their fellowship in your perils; for as we try gold in the fire, so we come to know our friends when we are in misfortune.[*](For both the figure and the sentiment cf. Theog. 415.) You will best serve your friends if you do not wait for them to ask your help, but go of your own accord at the crucial moment to lend them aid.

Consider it equally disgraceful to be outdone by your enemies in doing injury and to be surpassed by your friends in doing kindness.[*](The “get even” standard of honor in popular thought. Cf. Theog. 869-72: e)/n moi e)/peita pe/soi me/gas ou)rano\s eu)ru\s u(/perqen xa/lkeos, a)nqrw/pwn dei=ma xamaigene/wn, ei) mh\ e)gw\ toi=sin me\n e)parke/sw oi(/ me filou=sin, toi=s d' e)xqroi=s a)ni/n kai\ me/ga ph=m' e)/somai. Even Socrates reflects this standard in Xen. Mem. 2.6.35. Not so Socrates in Plato: see Plat. Rep. 335a.) Admit to your companionship, not those alone who show distress at your reverses, but those also who show no envy at your good fortune; for there are many who sympathize with their friends in adversity, but envy them in prosperity.[*](See Socrates' analysis of envy in Xen. Mem. 3.9.8.) Mention your absent friends to those who are with you, so that they may think you do not forget them, in their turn, when they are absent.

In matters of dress, resolve to be a man of taste, but not a fop. The man of taste is marked by elegance, the fop by excess. Set not your heart on the excessive acquisition of goods, but on a moderate enjoyment of what you have. Despise those who strain after riches, but are not able to use what they have; they are in like case with a man who, being but a wretched horseman, gets him a fine mount.

Try to make of money a thing to use as well as to possess; it is a thing of use to those who understand how to enjoy it, and a mere possession to those who are able only to acquire it. Prize the substance you have for two reasons—that you may have the means to meet a heavy loss and that you may go to the aid of a worthy friend when he is in distress; but for your life in general, cherish your possessions not in excess but in moderation.