Deipnosophistae

"And he not only plundered the property of the citizens, but that of foreigners also, laying his hands even on the property of the god which was laid up at Delos; sending Apellicon into the island, who was a Scian by birth, but who had become a citizen of Athens, and who lived a most whimsical and ever-changing course of life. For at one time he was a philosopher, and collected all the treatises of the Peripatetics, and the whole library of Aristotle, and many others; for he was a very rich man; and he had also stolen a great many autograph decrees of the ancients out of the temple of the Mighty Mother, and whatever else there was ancient and taken care of in other cities; and being detected in these practices at Athens he would have been in great danger if he had not made his escape; and a short time afterwards he returned again, having paid his court to many people, and he then joined himself to Athenion, as being a man of the same sect as he was. And Athenion, having embraced the doctrines of the Peripatetics, measured out a chœnix of barley, as four days' allowance for the ignorant Athenians, giving them what was barely food enough for fowl, and not the proper nutriment for men. And Apellicon, coming in great force to Delos, and living there more like a man exhibiting a spectacle than a general with soldiers, and placing guards in a very careless manner on the side of Delos, and leaving all the back of the island unguarded, and not even putting down a palisade in front of his camp, went to rest. And Orobius, the Roman general, hearing of this, who was at that time in command at Delos, watching for a moonless night, led out his troops, and falling on Apellicon and his soldiers, who were all asleep and drunk, he cut the Athenians and all those who were in the army with them to pieces, like so many sheep, to the number of six hundred, and he took

1. This tomb contains the foreigners here slain,
2. Who fought near Delos, and who fell at sea,
3. When the Athenians spoil'd the holy isle,
4. Aiding in war the Cappadocian king."

There was also at Tarsus an Epicurean philosopher who had become the tyrant of that city, Lysias by name; who having been created by his countrymen Stephanephoros, that is to say, the priest of Hercules, did not lay down his command, but seized on the tyranny.[*](The Greek here is ἐξ ἱματίου τύραννος ἦν, the meaning of which is very much disputed. Casaubon thinks it means that there was a great resemblance between the priestly and royal robes. Schweighauser thinks it means, after having worn the robe of a philosopher he became a tyrant.) He put on a purple tunic with a white centre, and over that he wore a very superb and costly cloak, and he put on white Lacedæmonian sandals, and assumed also a crown of golden daphne leaves. And he distributed the property of the rich among the poor, and put many to death who did not surrender their property willingly.

These are the commanders who became such from having been philosophers; concerning whom Demochares said,—

Just as no one could make a spear out of a bulrush, so no one could make a faultless general out of Socrates.

But Plato not being content with all these strange stories, introduces the valour which was displayed, or rather which was invented by him at Delium. For if Socrates had even taken Delium, as Herodicus the Cratetian has reported in his Treatise to Philosocrates, he would have fled disgracefully as all the rest did, when Pagondas sent two squadrons of cavalry unperceived round the hill. For then some of the Athenians fled to Delium, and some fled to the sea, and some to Oropus, and some to Mount Parnes. And the Bœotians, especially with their cavalry, pursued them and slew them; and the Locrian cavalry joined in the pursuit and slaughter. When then this disorder and alarm had seized upon the Athenians, did Socrates alone, looking proud and casting his eyes around, stand firm, turning aside the onset of the Bœotian and Locrian cavalry? And yet does Thucydides make no mention of this valour of his, nor even any poet either. And how was it that he yielded to Alcibiades the prize of preeminent valour, who had absolutely never joined in this expedition at all? But in the Crito, Plato, that favourite of Memory, says that Socrates had never once gone out of Attica, except when he, once went to the Isthmian games. And Antisthenes, the Socratic philosopher, tells the same tale as Plato about the Aristeia; but the story is not true. For this Dog flatters Socrates in many particulars, on which account we must not believe either of them, keeping Thucydides for our guide. For Antisthenes

'But we hear that you also received the prize of preeminent valour in the battle which took place against the Bœotians.' 'Be quiet, my friend, the prize belongs to Alcibiades, not to me.' 'Yes, but you gave it to him as we are told.'

In every respect then the philosophers tell lies; and they are not aware that they commit numbers of anachronisms in the accounts which they give. And even the admirable Xenophon is not free from this error. For he in his Banquet introduces Callias, the son of Hipponicus, as the lover of Autolycus, the son of Lycon, and making an entertainment in his honour when he gained the victory in the Pancratium. And he represents himself as being present with the rest of the guests, when he perhaps was either not born, or at all events not out of childhood. And this is the time when Aristion was archon. For it was in his archonship that Eupolis exhibited the comedy Autolycus, in which, in the character of Demostratus, he ridicules the victory of Autolycus. And again Xenophon makes Socrates say at this Banquet—

And Pausanias, indeed, the lover of Agathon the poet, when speaking in excuse of those who allow themselves to indulge in intemperance, said that a most valiant army might be composed of boys and their lovers; for that of all the men in the world they would be the most ashamed to desert one another. Saying a very strange thing,—if men who are accustomed utterly to disregard all blame, and to behave with utter shamelessness to one another, would be the men above all others ashamed to do anything disgraceful.

But altogether Plato's Banquet is mere nonsense. For when Agathon got the victory Plato was fourteen years old. For the former was crowned at the Lenæa in the archonship of Euphemus. But Plato was born in the year of the archonship of Apollodorus, who succeeded Euthydemus. And when he was eighty-two years old he died in the archonship of Theophilus, who succeeded Callimachus; for he is the eighty-second archon after Apollodorus. But from the archonship of Apollodorus and the birth of Plato, Euphemus is the fourteenth archon; and it is in his archonship that the banquet was given in honour of the victory of Agathon. And Plato himself shows that this entertainment had taken place a long time before, saying in the Banquet . . . .

'Do you think then that this entertainment has taken place but lately, so that I could have been present at it?' 'Indeed I do,' said he. 'How could that be,' said I, 'O Glaucon? Do you not know that Agathon has not been in the city for many years?'

' But tell me, when did this entertainment take place?' And I replied, 'When we were still children, when Agathon gained the prize in tragedy.

The man has a tongue which pays no regard to seasons;

As for instance, writing in the Gorgias, he says—

'Archelaus, then, according to your definition, is a miserable man.' 'Yes, my friend, if, at least, he is an unjust one.'

that Pericles also was lately dead

And last year, when I drew the lot to be one of the council, when my tribe was the presiding tribe, and I had to put the question to the vote, I caused the people to laugh, as I did not know how to put the question to the vote.

But when some of the prytanes said that they would not put the question contrary to the laws, Callixenus again mounts the tribunal and inveighs against them; and they cried out that he should impeach those who refused. And the prytanes being alarmed, all agreed to put the question except Socrates the son of Sophroniscus; and he said that he would not, but that he would do everything according to the laws.

This was the question which was put to the vote against the generals, Erasinides and his colleagues, because they did not pick up the men who were lost in the naval battle at Arginusæ. And this battle took place in the archonship of Callias, twenty-four years after the death of Pericles.

But the dialogue in the Protagoras, which took place after the death of Hipponicus, when Callias had entered upon

For if they were savage men, such as Pherecrates the poet exhibited last year at the Lenæan festival.

And among other things Plato says that Chærephon asked the Pythian priestess whether any one was wiser than Socrates? and that she replied, No one. But Xenphon does not agree with all this; but says—

For when Dhærephon once asked at Delphi about me, Apollo replied, in the presence of many witnesses, that no man was either more just or more temperate than I was.

1. O mighty son of Leto and of Jove,
2. Tell me by what means I may rich become:

1. If you acquire all the land that lies
2. Between the tow'rs of Sicyon and Corinth.

But indeed, no one even of the comic poets has said such things as Plato has said about Socrates, neither that he was the son of a very fierce-looking nurse, nor that Xantippe was an ill-tempered woman, who even poured slops over his head; nor that Alcibiades slept with him under the same cloak; and yet this must have been divulged with boisterous laughter by Aristophanes, as he was present at the banquet according to Plato's account; for Aristophanes would never have suppressed such a circumstance as that, which would have given such a colour to the charge that he corrupted the youth.

Aspasia, indeed, who was the clever preceptress of Socrates in rhetoric, in these verses which are attributed to her, which Herodicus the Cratetian has quoted, speaks thus—

1. As. O Socrates, most clearly do I see
2. How greatly you're inflamed by tender love
3. For the young son of Clinias and Dinomache;
4. But if you wish to prosper list to me,
5. And do not scoff at my advice, but follow it,
6. And it shall be the better for your suit.
7. Soc. I when I heard your speech was so o'erjoy'd
8. That straightway sweat did overflow each limb;
9. And tears unbidden pour'd forth from my eyes.
10. As. Restrain yourself, and fill your mind with strains
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11. Such as the Muse who conquers men will teach you,
12. And you will charm him by your dulcet songs.
13. They the foundation lay of mutual love.
14. And thus will you o'ercome him, fettering
15. His mind with gifts with which his ears are charm'd

1. Why weep you, my dear Socrates? does love
2. For that impracticable boy which dwells
3. Within thy breast, and shoots from out his eyes,
4. So far thy heart subdue? Did I in vain
5. Engage to make him docile to thy suit

'Whence are you come from, O Socrates? It seems to me you are come from your pursuit of Alcibiades's beauty. And, indeed, the man, when I saw him the other day, appeared to me to be a handsome man; a man, indeed, O Socrates, as he may well be called, just as much so as we are; and he has a firmly grown beard.' ' Well, what of that? are not you an admirer of Homer, who said that the most beautiful season of life was that of a young man who began to have a beard? And that is just the age of which Alcibiades is now.'

But most philosophers are of such a disposition that they are more inclined to evil speaking than the Comic writers. Since both Aeschines, the pupil of Socrates, in his Telauges, attacks Critobulus the son of Crito. as an ignorant man, and one who lives in a sordid manner; and he attacks Telauges himself for wearing a cloak borrowed of a clothes' cleaner by the day for half an obol; and for being girt about with a skin, and for having his sandals fastened with rotten pieces of string. And as for Lysias the orator he laughs immoderately at him; and in his Aspasia, he calls Hipponicus, the son of Callias, a blockhead; and taking all the women of Ionia in a lump he calls them lascivious and covetous. But his Callias dwells upon the quarrel of Callias with his own father, and the absurd jokes of the sophist Prodicus and

But Antisthenes, in the second of his treatises called Cyrus, abusing Alcibiades, says that he is a breaker of the laws, both with respect to women and with respect to every other part of his conduct in life; for he says that he had intrigued with a mother, and daughter, and sister, after the fashion of the Persians. And his Political Dialogue runs down the whole of the Athenian demagogues: and his Archelaus attacks Gorgias, the rhetorician; and his Aspasia attacks Xanthippus and Paralus, the sons of Pericles. For, as for one of them, he says that he is a companion of Archestratus, who is no better than a frequenter of houses of the worst possible fame; and the other he calls an acquaintance and intimate friend of Euphemus, who abused every one he met with vulgar and ill-mannered abuse. And nicknaming Plato Satho, in a witless and vulgar manner, he published a dialogue against him, to which he gave the same name as its title.

For these men believe that there is no such thing as an honest counsellor, or a conscientious general, or a respectable sophist, or a poet worth listening to, or a reasonable people: but Socrates, who spent his time in loose houses with the flute-playing women of Aspasia, and who was always chatting with Piston the armourer, and who gave lessons to Theodote the courtesan, how she ought to make the most of her lovers, as Xenophon tells us in the second book of his Memorabilia, is the only wise man according to them; for they represent him as giving Theodote such rules as neither Nico the Samian, nor Callistrate the Lesbian, nor Philænis the Leucadian, nor even Pythonicus the Athenian, were ever acquainted with as charms to conciliate affection. And yet those people paid much attention to such things. And time would fail me if I were to be inclined to quote the attacks which philosophers

When Masurius had said this, and when all had admired his wisdom, after silence was restored Ulpian said,— You seem to me, O guests, to be overwhelmed with impetuous speeches which come upon you unexpectedly, and to be thoroughly soaked in unmixed wine;—

1. For a man drinking wine, as a horse does water,
2. Speaks like a Scythian, not knowing even koppa,
3. But voiceless, lies immersed in a cask,
4. And sleeps as if he'd drunk medicinal poppy;

The Nomades in Libya (where it is born) call the animal named the Gorgon, 'The Looking-down:' and it is as most people say, conjecturing from its skin, something like a wild sheep; but as some say, it is like a calf. And they say that it has such a breath that it destroys every one who meets it; and that it has a mane let down from its forehead over its eyes, and when it has shaken it aside, which it does with difficulty by reason of it weight, and then looks out through it, it slays the man who is beheld by it, not by its breath, but by some natural violence which proceeds from its eyes. And it was discovered in this way: Some of the soldiers of Marius, in his expedition against Jugurtha, having beheld the Gorgon, thought because it held its head down, and moved slowly, that it was a wild sheep, and in consequence they rushed upon it, intending to kill it with the swords which they had about them; but it, being disturbed, shaking aside the mane which hung down over its eyes, immediately caused the death of those who were rushing upon it. And when others again and again did the same thing, and lost their lives by so doing, and when all ho proceeded against it were invariably killed, some of the soldiers inquired the nature of the animal from the natives; and by the command of Marius some Nomad horsemen laid an

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ambush against it from a distance, and shot it with darts, and returned to the camp, bringing the dead monster to the general.

When Ulpian had said this, Laurentius bearing witness to the truth of his statement, and adding something to his speech, said, that Marius sent the skins of these animals to Rome, and that no one could conjecture to what animal they belonged, on account of the singular appearance which they presented; and that these skins were hung up in the temple of Hercules, in which the generals who celebrate a triumph give a banquet to the citizens, as many poets and historians of our nation have related. You then, O grammarians, as the Babylonian Herodicus says, inquiring into none of these matters—

1. Fly ye to Greece along the sea's wide back,
2. Pupils of Aristarchus, all more timid
3. Than the pale antelope, worms hid in holes,
4. Monosyllabic animals, who care
5. For σφὶν, and σφῶιν, and for μὶν, and νὶν,
6. This shall be your lot, grumblers—but let Greece
7. And sacred Babylon receive Herodicus.

1. 'Tis sweet when one has plann'd a new device,
2. To tell it to the world. For those who are
3. Wise for themselves alone have, first of all,
4. No judge to criticize their new invention.
5. And envy is their portion too: for all,
6. That seems to be commended by its novelty,
7. Should be imparted freely to the people.

SINCE you ask me every time that you meet me, my friend Timocrates, what was said by the Deipnosophists, thinking that we are making some discoveries, we will remind you of what is said by Antiphanes, in his Poesy, in this manner—

1. In every way, my friends, is Tragedy
2. A happy poem. For the argument
3. Is, in the first place, known to the spectators,
4. Before one single actor says a word.
5. So that the poet need do little more
6. Than just remind his hearers what they know.
7. For should I speak of Œdipus, at once
8. They recollect his story—how his father
9. Was Laius, and Jocasta too his mother;
10. What were his sons', and what his daughters' names,
11. And what he did and suffer'd. So again
12. If a man names Alcmæon, the very children
13. Can tell you how he in his madness slew
14. His mother; and Adrastus furious,
15. Will come in haste, and then depart again;
16. And then at last, when they can say no more,
17. And when the subject is almost exhausted,
18. They lift an engine easily as a finger,
19. And that is quite enough to please the theatre.
20. But our case is harder. We are forced
21. T' invent the whole of what we write; new names,
22. Things done before, done now, new plots, new openings,
23. And new catastrophes. And if we fail in aught,
24. Some Chremes or some Phido hisses us.
25. While Peleus is constrain'd by no such laws,
26. Nor Teucer.

1. O thou who rulest, patroness and queen,
2. Over this holy spot of sacred Brauron,
3. Bow-bearing daughter of Latona and Jove,
4. As the tragedians call you; who alone
5. Have power to do and say whate'er they please.

But Timocles the comic writer, asserting that tragedy is

1. My friend, just hear what I'm about to say.
2. Man is an animal by nature miserable;
3. And life has many grievous things in it.
4. Therefore he has invented these reliefs
5. To ease his cares; for oft the mind forgets
6. Its own discomforts while it soothes itself
7. In contemplation of another's woes,
8. And e'en derives some pleasure and instruction.
9. For first, I'd have you notice the tragedians;
10. What good they do to every one. The poor man
11. Sees Telephus was poorer still than he,
12. And bears his own distress more easily.
13. The madman thinks upon Alcmæon's case.
14. Has a man weak sore eyes? The sons of Phineus
15. Are blind as bats. Has a man lost his child
16. Let him remember childless Niobe.
17. He's hurt his leg; and so had Philoctetes.
18. Is he unfortunate in his old age?
19. Œneus was more so. So that every one,
20. Seeing that others have been more unfortunate,
21. Learns his own griefs to bear with more content.

And we accordingly, O Timocrates, will restore to you the relics of the feast of the Deipnosophists, and will not give them, as Cothocides the orator said, meaning to ridicule Demosthenes, who, when Philip gave Halonnesus to the Athenians, advised them

not to take it if he gave it, but only if he restored it.

1. My master has received (ἀπέλαβεν) as he took (ἔλαβεν)
2. His patrimonial inheritance.
3. How would these words have pleased Demosthenes!

1. A. Receive this thing.
2. B. What is it
3. A. Why the child
4. Which I had from you, which I now bring back.
5. B. Why? will you no more keep him?
6. A. He's not mine.
7. B. Nor mine.
8. A. But you it was who gave him me.
9. B. I gave him not.
10. A. How so?
11. B. I but restored him.
12. A. You gave me what I never need have taken.

1. A. For did I give them anything? Tell me that.
2. B. No, you restored it, holding a deposit.

1. . . . . Give it not,
2. Only restore it.
3. B. Here I now have brought it.

1. A. You bid me now to speak of everything
2. Rather than what is to the purpose; well,
3. I'll gratify you so far.
4. B. You shall find
5. As the first fruits that you have pacified
6. The great Demosthenes.
7. A. But who is he?
8. B. That Briareus who swallows spears and shields;
9. A man who hates all quibbles; never uses
10. Antithesis nor trope; but from his eyes
11. Glares terrible Mars.

Then came into us these servants, bringing a great quantity of sea fish and lake fish on silver platters, so that we marvelled at the wealth displayed, and at the costliness of the entertainment, which was such that he seemed almost to have engaged the Nereids themselves as the purveyors. And one of the parasites and flatterers said that Neptune was sending fish to our Neptunian port, not by the agency of those who at Rome sell rare fish for their weight in money; but that some were imported from Antium, and some from Terracina, and some from the Pontian islands opposite, and some from Pyrgi; and that is a city of Etruria. For the fishmongers in Rome are very little different from those who used to be turned into ridicule by the comic poets at Athens, of whom Antiphanes says, in his Young Men—

1. I did indeed for a long time believe
2. The Gorgons an invention of the poets,
3. But when I came into the fish-market
4. I quickly found them a reality.
5. For looking at the fish women I felt
6. Turn'd instantly to stone, and was compelled
7. To turn away my head while talking to them.
8. For when I see how high a price they ask,
9. And for what little fish, I'm motionless.

And Amphis says in his Impostor—

1. 'Tis easier to get access to the general,
2. And one is met by language far more courteous,
3. And by more civil answer from his grace,
4. Than from those cursed fishfags in the market.
5. For when one asks them anything, or offers
6. To buy aught of them, mute they stand like Telephus,
7. And just as stubborn; ('tis an apt comparison,
8. For in a word they all are homicides;)
9. And neither listen nor appear to heed,
10. But shake a dirty polypus in your face;
11. Or else turn sulky, and scarce say a word,
12. But as if half a syllable were enough,
13. Say

    se'n s'lings this,

    this turb't eight'n-pence.

14. This is the treatment which a man must bear
15. Who seeks to buy a dinner in the fish-market.

1. When I behold a general looking stern,
2. I think him wrong, but do not greatly wonder,
3. That one in high command should think himself
4. Above the common herd. But when I see
5. The fishmongers, of all tribes far the worst,
6. Bending their sulky eyes down to the ground,
7. And lifting up their eyebrows to their foreheads,
8. I am disgusted. And if you should ask,

9. Tell me, I pray you, what's this pair of mullets?

10. Tenpence.

    Oh, that's too much; you'll eightpence take

11. Yes, if you'll be content with half the pair.

12. Come, eightpence; that is plenty.

    "I will not
13. Take half a farthing less: don't waste my time."
14. Is it not bitter to endure such insolence?

And Diphilus says in his Busybody—

1. I used to think the race of fishmongers
2. Was only insolent in Attica;
3. But now I see that like wild beasts they are
4. Savage by nature, everywhere the same.
5. But here is one who goes beyond his fellows,
6. Nourishing flowing hair, which he doth call
7. Devoted to his god-though that is not the reason,
8. But he doth use it as a veil to hide
9. The brand which marks his forehead. Should you ask him,
10. What is this pike's price? he will tell you

    tenpence;

11. Not say what pence he means; then if you give him
12. The money, he will claim Aegina's coinage;
13. While if you ask for change, he'll give you Attic.
14. And thus he makes a profit on both sides.

1. Poets are nonsense; for they never say
2. A single thing that's new. But all they do
3. Is to clothe old ideas in language new,
4. Turning the same things o'er and o'er again,
5. And upside down. But as to fishmongers,
6. They're an inventive race, and yield to none
7. In shameless conduct. For as modern laws
8. Forbid them now to water their stale fish,
9. Some fellow, hated by the gods, beholding
10. His fish quite dry, picks with his mates a quarrel,
11. And blows are interchanged. Then when one thinks
12. He's had enough, he falls, and seems to faint,
13. And lies like any corpse among his baskets.
14. Some one calls out for water; and his partner
15. Catches a pail, and throws it o'er his friend
16. So as to sprinkle all his fish, and make
17. The world believe them newly caught and fresh.