Regum et imperatorum apophthegmata

Cicero, the orator, was often twitted about his name, and his friends urged him to have it changed, but he said that he would make Cicero to be held in higher esteem than the Catos, the Catuli, and the Scauri. [*](Cf. Plutarch’s Life of Cicero, chap. i. (861 C).)

When he dedicated a silver goblet to the gods,

He used to say that those of the orators who are given to violent vociferation rely on noise to carry them through because of weakness, just as lame men mount horses. [*](Ibid. chap. v. (863 C).)

Verres, who had a son that had been anything but virtuous when a boy, rebuked Cicero for effeminacy and called him a corrupter of youth. Don’t you know, said Cicero, that it is proper for children to be scolded behind the doors of their own home ? [*](Ibid. chap. vii. (864 C).)

Metellus Nepos said to him, You have caused the death of more men by your testimony than you have saved by your advocacy. Yes, said Cicero, the reason is that I am endowed with more credibility than eloquence ! [*](Ibid. chap. xxvi. (873 F); Moralia, 541 F.)

When Metellus kept asking him who his father was, Cicero said, The answer to that same question your mother has made the more difficult for you ! For Metellus’s mother was far from virtuous, and Metellus himself was light-minded, vacillating, and carried away by his impulses. [*](Cf. Plutarch’s Life of Cicero, chap. xxvi. (874 B).)

When Diodotus, Metellus’s teacher of oratory died, Metellus had a marble raven placed over his grave. A very just tribute, said Cicero, for he taught Metellus to be high-flown, but not to be a speaker. [*](Ibid.)

Vatinius, who was at odds with Cicero, and was a bad character generally, Cicero heard was dead, and then later discovered that he was alive. Curses on the rascal who lied so ! said he. [*](Ibid. chap. xxvi. (873 E).)

To a man who appeared to be of African race, and

Cicero summoned as a witness in a certain case Castus Popillius, who wanted to be a lawyer, but was ignorant and stupid. When he denied knowing anything, Cicero said, Very likely you think you are being asked about some point of law ! [*](Cf. Plutarch’s Life of Cicero, chap. xxvi. (874 A), where the name of the man is given as Publius Consta.)

Hortensius, the orator, received as a fee a silver sphinx from Verres. When Cicero used innuendo in something that he said, Hortensius declared that he had no skill in solving riddles. Cicero retorted, And yet you have the sphinx at your house ! [*](Life of Cicero, chap. vii. (864 D), where the sphinx is of ivory. Cf. also Pliny, Natural History, xxxiv. 18 (48), and Quintillian, Inst. Or. vi. 3. 98. Intimacy with the sphinx, the author of riddles, should have helped Hortensius!)

Meeting Voconius with three daughters who had very ugly faces, he said softly to his friends,

Phoebus forbade when he his children got.[*](Cf. Plutarch’s Life of Cicero, chap. xxvii. (874 D). The verse may possibly be from the Oedipus of Euripides. Cf. Nauck, Trag. Graec. Frag., adespota, no. 378.)

When Faustus, the son of Sulla, because of a multitude of debts, posted a notice of an auction of his goods, Cicero said, I find this notice more welcome than the kind which his father used to post. [*](Cf. Plutarch’s Life of Cicero, chap. xxvii. (874 D), and Cicero, Letters to Atticus, ix. 11. The reference, of course, is to the proscription lists of men condemned which Sulla posted.)

When Pompey and Caesar took opposite sides, he said, I know from whom I flee without knowing to whom to flee. [*](Ibid. chap. xxxvii. (879 D); Cicero, Letters to Atticus, viii. 7. 2 ego vero quem fugiam habeo, quem sequar non habeo. )

He blamed Pompey for abandoning the city,

When he went over to Pompey s side, changing his mind again, and was asked by Pompey where he had left Piso, his son-in-law, he said, With your father-in-law ! [*](Pompey married Caesar’s daughter Julia as his fourth wife.)

One man changed from Caesar’s side to Pompey’s, and said that as the result of haste and eagerness he had left his horse behind. Cicero said that the man showed greater consideration-for his horse !

To the man who reported that Caesar’s friends were downcast he retorted, You speak as if they were Caesar’s foes ! [*](Cf. Plutarch’s Life of Cicero, chap. xxxviii. (880 B).)

After the battle of Pharsalus, when Pompey had fled, one Nonius declared that on their side were still seven eagles, and exhorted them, therefore, to have courage. Your advice would be good, said Cicero, if we were making war on jackdaws. [*](Ibid. 880 C.)

After Caesar had conquered, he set up again with honour Pompey s statues which had been thrown down. Cicero, in speaking of him, said that Caesar, by restoring Pompey’s statues, made his own secure. [*](Plutarch repeats this story in Moralia, 91 A; Life of Caesar, chap. lvii. (734 E); Life of Cicero, chap. xl. (881 D). Cf. Suetonius, Divus Iulius, 75.)