Deipnosophistae

But the ancient poets called parasites flatterers; from whom also Eupolis gave this title to his play, where he represents a chorus of flatterers speaking thus—

1. But we will tell you now
2. The mode of life adopted
3. By the whole flattering band,
4. And listen ye, and learn
5. How well-bred we all are.
6. For first of all a boy,
7. Another person's slave,
8. Attends us; and we are
9. Content with very little.
10. I have two well-made garments,
11. And always have one on;
12. I hie me to the forum,
13. And when I see a man,
14. A foolish man but rich,
15. I make my way to him,
16. And if he says a word
17. I praise his wit and laugh,
18. Delighted at his jests.
19. And then we go to supper,
20. My friends and I, pursuing
21. Each different game so long
22. As we can save our money.
23. And then the parasite
24. Must show his wit and manners,
25. Or out of doors be turned.
26. And one there was, Acestor,
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27. A branded slave, if I
28. Am bound to tell the truth,
29. And he was treated so.
30. For not one single joke
31. Did he ope his lips to utter,
32. And so the slaves expell'd
33. And pilloried the knave,
34. And gave him up to Œneus.

And Araros, in his Hymenæus, uses the word parasite, where he says—

1. Why you must be a parasite, my friend;
2. And 'tis Ischomachus who does support you.

And the word is constantly used among the later writers. And the verb παρασιτέω, to be a parasite, occurs in Plato the comic writer, in his Laches. For he says—

1. See how these youths do play the parasite.

And Alexis says that there are two kinds of parasites, in his Pilot, where we find this passage—

1. A. There are two kinds of parasites, Nausinicos:
2. The one the common one, much jested on
3. By comic writers, we, the blackfaced men
4. N. What is the other kind?
5. A. Satraps of parasites;
6. Illustrious leaders of the band; a troop
7. Whom you may call the venerable parasites;
8. Men who act well throughout their lives;
9. Knit their brows gravely, win estates and legacies.
10. Know'st thou the kind of men, and these their manners?
11. N. Indeed I do.
12. A. Each of these men have one
13. Fix'd method of proceeding, flattery;
14. And as in life, fortune makes some men great,
15. And bids the rest content themselves with little;
16. So some of us do thrive, and some do fail.
17. Do I not make the matter plain to you
18. N. Why if I praise you, you will ask for more.

And Timocles, in his Dracontius, hits off the parasite very neatly, and describes his character thus—

1. Shall I then let a man abuse the parasites?
2. No, surely, for there is no race of men
3. More useful in such matters. And if company
4. Be one of the things which makes life pass agreeably,
5. Surely a parasite does this most constantly.
6. Are you in love? he, at the shortest notice,
7. Feels the same passion. Have you any business
8. His business is at once the same as yours;
9. And he's at hand to help you as you wish;
10. Thinking that only fair to him that feeds him.
11. 'Tis marvellous how he doth praise his friends—
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12. He loves a feast where he is ask'd for nothing.
13. What man, what hero, or what god exists,
14. Who does not scorn such habits and such principles?
15. But that I mayn't detain you all the day,
16. I think that I can give you one clear proof
17. In what respect men hold a parasite;
18. For they receive the same rewards as those
19. Who at Olympia bear the palm of victory—
20. They both are fed for nothing for their virtues;
21. And wheresoe'er there is no contribution,
22. That place we ought to call the Prytaneum.

And Antiphanes, in his Twins, says—

1. For look, the parasite, if you judge aright,
2. Shares both the life and fortune of his friends.
3. There is no parasite who'd wish his friends
4. To be unfortunate; but on the contrary
5. His constant prayer will be, that all may prosper.
6. Has any one a fortune? he don't envy him;
7. He'd rather always be at hand to share it.
8. He is a genuine friend, and eke a safe one,
9. Not quarrelsome, ill-humour'd, peevish, sulky,
10. But skill'd to keep his temper. Do you mock him?
11. He laughs himself; he's amorous or mirthful,
12. Just as his friend is i' th' humour. He's a general,
13. Or valiant soldier, only let his pay
14. Be a good dinner, and he'll ask no more.

And Aristophon, in his Physician, says—

1. I wish now to inform him
2. What is my disposition.
3. If any one gives a dinner,
4. I'm always to be found,
5. So that the young men scoffing
6. Because I come in first
7. Do call me gravy soup.
8. Then if there be occasion
9. To check a drunken guest,
10. Or turn him out by force,
11. You'd think I were Antæus;
12. Or must a door be forced?
13. I butt like any ram;
14. Or would you scale a ladder?
15. I'm Capaneus, and eager
16. To climb like him to heaven.
17. Are blows to be endured?
18. A very anvil I;
19. Or Telamon or Ajax,
20. If wounds are to be given;
21. While as a beauty-hunter
22. E'en smoke itself can't beat me.[*](It is said to have been a proverb among the Greek women, Smoke follows the fairest. )

And in his Pythagorean he says—

1. For being hungry, and yet eating nothing,
2. He is a Tithymallus or Philippides;
3. For water-drinking he's a regular frog;
4. For eating thyme and cabbages, a snail;
5. For hating washing he's a pig; for living
6. Out in the open air, a perfect blackbird;
7. For standing cold and chattering all the day,
8. A second grasshopper; in hating oil
9. He's dust; for walking barefoot in the morning,
10. A crane; for passing sleepless nights, a bat.

And Antiphanes says in his Ancestors—

1. You know my ways;
2. That there's no pride in me, but I am just
3. Like this among my friends: a mass of iron
4. To bear their blows, a thunderbolt to give them;
5. Lightning to blind a man, the wind to move one;
6. A very halter, if one needs be choked;
7. An earthquake to heave doors from off their hinges;
8. A flea to leap quick in; a fly to come
9. And feast without a formal invitation;
10. Not to depart too soon, a perfect well.
11. I'm ready when I'm wanted, whether it be
12. To choke a man or kill him, or to prove
13. A case against him. All that others say,
14. Those things I am prepared at once to do.
15. And young men, mocking me on this account,
16. Do call me whirlwind—but for me, I care not
17. For such light jests. For to my friends I prove
18. A friend in deeds, and not in words alone.

But Diphilus in his Parasite, when a wedding-feast is about to take place, represents the parasite as speaking thus—

1. Do you not know that in the form of curse
2. These words are found, If any one do fail
3. To point the right road to a traveller,
4. To quench a fire; or if any one spoil
5. The water of a spring or well, or hinders
6. A guest upon his way when going to supper?

And Eubulus says in his Œdipus—

1. The man who first devised the plan of feasting
2. At other folk's expense, must sure have been
3. A gentleman of very popular manners;
4. But he who ask'd a friend or any stranger
5. To dinner, and then made him bear his share,
6. May he be banish'd, and his goods all seized.

And Diodorus of Sinope, in his Orphan Heiress, has these expressions, when speaking of a parasite, and they are not devoid of elegance—

1. I wish to show and prove beyond a doubt
2. How reputable, and how usual too,
3. This practice is; a most divine contrivance.
4. Other arts needed not the gods to teach them;
5. Wise men invented them; but Jove himself
6. Did teach his friends to live as parasites,
7. And he confessedly is king o' the gods.
8. For he does often to men's houses come,
9. And cares not whether they be rich or poor;
10. And wheresoe'er he sees a well-laid couch,
11. And well-spread table near, supplied with all
12. That's good or delicate, he sits him down,
13. And asks himself to dinner, eats and drinks,
14. And then goes home again, and pays no share.
15. And I now do the same. For when I see
16. Couches prepared, and handsome tables loaded,
17. And the door open to receive the guests,
18. I enter in at once, and make no noise,
19. But trim myself, behaving quietly,
20. To give no great annoyance to my neighbour,
21. And then, when I have well enjoy'd the whole
22. That's set before me, and when I have drunk
23. Of delicate wines enough, I home return,
24. Like friendly Jupiter. And that such a line
25. Was always thought respectable and honest,
26. I now will give you a sufficient proof.
27. This city honours Hercules exceedingly,
28. And sacrifices to him in all the boroughs,
29. And at these sacred rites it ne'er admits
30. The common men, or parasites, or beggars;
31. But out of all the citizens it picks
32. Twelve men of all the noblest families,
33. All men of property and character;
34. And then some rich men, imitating Hercules,
35. Select some parasites, not choosing those
36. Who are the wittiest men, but who know best
37. How to conciliate men's hearts with flattery;
38. So that if any one should eat a radish,
39. Or stinking shad, they'd take their oaths at once
40. That he had eaten lilies, roses, violets;
41. And that if any odious smell should rise,
42. They'd ask where you did get such lovely scents.
43. So that because these men behave so basely,
44. That which was used to be accounted honourable,
45. Is now accounted base.

And Axionicus, in his Chalcidian, says—]

1. When first I wish'd to play the parasite
2. With that Philoxenus, while youth did still
3. Raise down upon my cheeks, I learnt to bear
4. Hard blows from fists, and cups and dishes too,
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5. And bones, so great that oftentimes I was
6. All over wounds; but still it paid me well,
7. For still the pleasure did exceed the pain.
8. And even in some sort I did esteem
9. The whole affair desirable for me.
10. Is a man quarrelsome, and eager too
11. To fight with me? I turn myself to him;
12. And all the blame which he does heap upon me,
13. I own to be deserved; and am not hurt.
14. Does any wicked man call himself good?
15. I praise that man, and earn his gratitude.
16. To day if I should eat some boiled fish
17. I do not mind eating the rest to-morrow.
18. Such is my nature and my principle.

But Antidotus, in his play which is entitled Protochorus, introduces a man resembling those who in the Museum of Claudius still practise their sophistries; whom it is not even creditable to remember; and he represents him speaking thus—

1. Stand each one in your place, and listen to me,
2. Before I write my name, and take my cloak.
3. If any question should arise to day
4. About those men who live as parasites,
5. I have at all times much esteem'd their art,
6. And from my childhood have inclined to learn it.

And among the parasites these men are commemorated by name: Tithymallus, who is mentioned by Alexis in his Milesian Woman, and in his Ulysses the Weaver. And in his Olynthians he says—

1. This is your poor man, O my darling woman;
2. This is the only class, as men do say,
3. Who can put death to flight. Accordingly
4. This Tithymallus does immortal live.

And Dromon in his P???altria says—

1. A. I was above all things ashamed when I
2. Found that I was again to have a supper
3. For which I was to give no contribution.
4. B. A shameful thing, indeed. Still you may see
5. Our Tithymallus on his way, more red
6. Than saffron or vermilion; and he blushes,
7. As you may guess, because he nothing pays.

And Timocles, in his Centaur or Dexamenus, says—

1. Calling, him Tithymallus, parasite.

And in his Caunians he says—

1. A. Will any other thing appear? Be quick,
2. For Tithymallus has return'd to life,
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3. Who was quite dead, now that he well has boil'd
4. Eightpennyworth of lupin seed.
5. B. For he
6. Could not persist in starving himself, but only
7. In drinking wine at other men's expense.

And in his Epistles he says—

1. Alas me, how I am in love! ye gods!
2. Not Tithymallus did so long to eat,
3. Nor Cormus ever to steal another's cloak,
4. Nor Nilus to eat cakes, nor Corydus
5. To exercise his teeth at other's cost.

And Antiphanes says in his Etrurian—

1. A. For he will not assist his friends for nothing.
2. B. You say that Tithymallus will be rich,
3. For as I understand you, he will get
4. Sufficient pay, and a collection suitable
5. From those within whose doors he freely sups.

Corydus also was one of the most notorious parasites. And he is mentioned by Timocles, in his The Man who Rejoices at Misfortunes of others, thus—

1. To see a well-stock'd market is a treat
2. To a rich man, but torture to a poor one.
3. Accordingly once Corydus, when he
4. Had got no invitation for the day,
5. Went to buy something to take home with him.
6. And who can cease to laugh at what befel him?—
7. The man had only fourpence in his purse;
8. Gazing on tunnies, eels, crabs, rays, anchovies,
9. He bit his lips till the blood came in vain;
10. Then going round,

    How much is this?

    said he—
11. Then frighten'd at the price, he bought red herrings.

And Alexis, in Demetrius or Philetærus, says—

1. I fear to look at Corydus in the face,
2. Seeming so glad to dine with any one;
3. But I will not deny it; he's the same,
4. And never yet refused an invitation.

And in his Nurse he says—

1. This Corydus who has so often practised
2. His jokes and witticisms, wishes now
3. To be Blepæus, and he's not far wrong,
4. For mighty are the riches of Blepæus.

And Cratinus the younger in his Titans says—

1. Beware of Corydus the wary brassfounder;
2. Unless you make your mind up long before
3. To leave him nothing. And I warn you now
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4. Never to eat your fish with such a man
5. As Corydus; for he's a powerful hand,
6. Brazen, unwearied, strong as fire itself.

But that Corydus used to cut jokes, and was fond of being laughed at for them, the same Alexis tells to in his Poets—

1. I have a great desire to raise a laugh,
2. And to say witty things, and gain a fame
3. Second alone to that of Corydus.

And Lynceus the Samian repeats several of his sayings, and asserts that his proper name was Eucrates. And he writes thus concerning him—

Eucrates, who was called Corydus, when he was once feasting with some one whose house was in a very shabby condition, said, 'A man who sups here ought to hold up the house with his left hand like the Caryatides.