Piscator

Lucian of Samosata

Lucian, Vol. 3. Harmon, A. M., editor. London: William Heinemann, Ltd.; Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1921.

SOCRATES Pelt, pelt the scoundrel with plenty of stones! Heap him with clods! Pile him up with broken dishes, too! Beat the blackguard with your sticks! Look out he doesn’t get away! Throw, Plato; you too, Chrysippus ; you too; everybody at once! Let’s charge him together. “Let wallet to wallet give succour, and cudgel to cudgel,” [*](κρῖν᾽ ἄνδρας κατὰ φῦλα, κατὰ φρήτρας, ᾿Ἀγάμεμνον,ὡς φρήτρη φρήτρηφιν ἀρήγῃ, φῦλα δὲ φύλοις.Iliad2, 363) for he is our joint enemy, and there is not a man of us whom he has not outraged. Diogenes, ply your stick, if ever you did before; let none of you weaken; let him pay the penalty for his ribaldry. What is this? Have yon given out, Epicurus and Aristippus? Come, that is too bad!

  1. Show yourselves men, ye sages, and call up the fury of battle.
Iliad6, 112; Homer has “friends,” not “sages.”

Aristotle, make haste! Still faster! That’s well; the game is bagged. We have you, villain! you shall soon find out what sort of men you have been

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insulting. But how are we to punish him, to be sure? Let us invent a complex death for him, such as to satisfy us all; in fact he deserves to die seven times over for each of us.

PHILOSOPHER I suggest he be crucified.

ANOTHER Yes, by Heaven; but flogged beforehand.

ANOTHER Let him have his eyes put out long beforehand

ANOTHER Let him have that tongue of his cut off, even longer beforehand.

SOCRATES And you, Empedocles—what do you suggest ?

EMPEDOCLES That he be thrown into my crater,[*](Aetna, into which Eimpedocles is said to have leapt. ) so that he may learn not to abuse his betters.

PLATO Indeed, the best suggestion would have been for him, like another Pentheus or Orpheus, “To find among the crags a riven doom,”[*](Both Pentheus and Orpheus were torn to ieces by Maenads. The verse is from a lost tragedy (Nauck, Fr Fragm. p. 895). ) so that each of us might have gone off with a scrap of him.

FRANKNESS No, no! In the name of Him who hears the suppliant,[*](Zeus. ) spare me!

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PLATO Your doom is sealed: you cannot be let go now. You know, of course, what Homer says:
  1. Since between lions and men there exist no bonds of alliance.
Iliad22, 262. FRANKNESS Indeed, I myself will quote Homer in begging you for mercy. Perhaps you will revere his verses and will not ignore me when I have recited them :
  1. Save me, for I am no churl, and I receive what is fitting in ransom,
  2. Copper and gold, that in truth are desirable even to sages.
A cento; Iliad6, 46, 48; 20, 65. PLATO But we ourselves shall not be at a loss for a Homeric reply to you ; listen to this, for instance :
  1. Think not now in your heart of escape, you speaker of slander,
  2. Even by talking of gold, oncé into our hands you have fallen.
Iliad10, 447-8, with alterations. FRANKNESS Oh, what wretched luck! Homer, in whom I had my greatest hope, is useless to me. I suppose I must take refuge with Euripides ; perhaps he might save me :
  1. Slay not! The suppliant thou shalt not skay.
Nauck, p. 663. Cf. Ion1553. PLATO Ah, but is not this by Euripides, too?
  1. No harm for them that wrought to suffer harm.
Orestes413.
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FRANKNESS
  1. hen will ye slay me now, because of words?
Euripides? Nauck, p. 663. PLATO Yes, by Heaven! Anyhow, he himself says :
  1. Of mouths that are curbless
  2. And fools that are lawless
  3. The end is mischance.
Bacchae386 ff.

FRANKNESS Well, then, as you are absolutely determined to kill me and there is no possibility of my escaping, do tell me at least who you are and what irreparable injuries you have received from me that you’ are irreconcilably angry and have seized me for execution.

PLATO What dreadful wrongs you have done us you may ask yourself, you rascal, and those precious dialogues of yours in which you not only spoke abusively of Philosophy herself, but insulted us by advertising for sale, as if in a slave-market, men who are learned, and what is more, free-born. Indignant at this, we requested a brief leave of absence from Pluto and have come up to get you—Chrysippus here, Epicurus, Plato (myself), Aristotle over there, Pythagoras here, who says nothing, Diogenes, and everyone that you vilified in your dialogues.

FRANKNESS I breathe again, for you will not put me to death if you understand how I have acted as regards you. So throw away your stones; or better, keep them. You will make use of them against those who deserve them.[*](It is curious that this suggestion, though emphasized by being repeated (§ 11), is not worked out. )

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PLATO Nonsense: you must die to-day. Yes, forthwith
  1. Don your tunic of stone on account of the wrongs you have done us!
Iliad3, 57. FRANKNESS Truly, gentlemen, you will put to death, you may depend upon it, the one man in the world whom you ought to commend as your friend, well-wisher, comrade in thought, and, if it be not in bad taste to say so, the defender of your teachings, if you put me to death after I have laboured so earnestly in your behalf. Take care, then, that you yourselves are not acting like most of our present-day philosophers by showing yourselves ungrateful and hasty and inconsiderate toward a benefactor.

PLATO O what impudence! So we really owe you gratitude for your abuse, into the bargain? Are you so convinced that you are truly talking to slaves? Will you actually set yourself down as our benefactor, on top of all your insolent and intemperate language ?

FRANKNESS Where, pray, and when have I insulted you? I have always consistently admired philosophy and extolled you and lived on intimate terms with the writings that you have left behind. These very phrases that I utter—where else but from you did I get them? Culling them like a bee, I make my show with them before men, who applaud and recognize where and

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from whom and how I gathered each flower; and although ostensibly it is I whom they admire for the bouquet, as a matter of fact it is you and your garden, because you have put forth such blossoms, so gay and varied in their hues—if one but knows how to select and interweave and combine them so that they will not be out of harmony with one another. Would any man, after receiving this kindly treatment at your hands,-attempt to speak ill of benefactors to whom he owes his reputation? Not unless he be like Thamyris or Eurytus in his nature, so as to raise his voice against the Muses from whom he had the gift of song, or to match himself against Apollo in archery—and he the giver of the bow !

PLATO That speech of yours is good rhetoric, my fine fellow ; but it is directly against your case and only makes your presumptuousness appear more staggering, since ingratitude is now added to injustice. For you got your shafts from us, as you admit, and then turned them against us, making it your only aim to speak ill of us all. That is the way you have paid us for opening that garden to you and not forbidding you to pick flowers and go away with your arms full. For that reason, then, above all else, you deserve to die.

FRANKNESS See! You give me an angry-hearing, and you reject every just plea! Yet I should never have supposed that anger could affect. Plato or Chrysippus or Aristotle or the rest of you; it seemed to me that

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you, and you alone, were surely far away from anything of that kind. But, however that may be, my masters, do not put me to death unsentenced and unheard. This too was once a trait of yours, not to deal with fellow-citizens on a basis of force and superior strength, but to settle your differences by course of law, according, a hearing and in your turn receiving one. So let us choose a judge, and then you may bring your complaint either jointly or through anyone whom you may elect to represent you all; and I will defend.myself against your charges. Then, if I am proven guilty, and the court passes that verdict upon me, I will submit, of course, to the punishment that I deserve, and you will not have taken it upon yourselves to do anything high-handed. But if after I have undergone my investigation I am found innocent and irreproachable, the jury will discharge me, and you will turn your anger against those who nave misled you and set you against me.

PLATO There we have it! “Cavalry into the open,” so that you may give the slip to the jury and get away.[*](As cavalry seeks open country to maneuvre in, so the lawyer seeks the courtroom. Compare Plato, Theaetetus, 183d: ἱππέας εἰς πεδίον προκαλεῖ, Σωκράτη εἰς λόγους προκαλούμενος. ) At any rate, they say that you are an orator and a lawyer and a wizard at making speeches. And whom do you wish to be judge, what is more? It must be someone whom you cannot influence by a bribe, as your sort often do, to cast an unjust ballot in your favour.

FRANKNESS Do not be alarmed on that score. I should not care to have any such referee of suspicious or doubtful

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character, who would sell me his vote. See, for my part I nominate Philosophy herself to the bench, and you yourselves also!

PLATO And who can conduct the prosecution if we are to be jurors ?

FRANKNESS Be prosecutors and jurors at the same time. Even that arrangement has no terrors for me, since I have so much the better of you in the justice of my case and expect to be so over-stocked with pleas.

PLATO What shall we do, Pythagoras and Socrates ? Really, the man seems to be making a reasonable request in demanding a trial.

SOCRATES What can we do but go to court, taking Philosophy _ with us, and hear his defence, whatever it may be. Prejudgment is not our way ; it is terribly unprofessional, characteristic of hot-headed fellows who hold that might is right. We shall lay ourselves open to hard words from those who like to deal in them if we stone a man who has had no opportunity even to plead his case, especially as we ourselves maintain that we delight in just dealing. What could we say of Anytus and Meletus, who prosecuted me, or of the jurors on that occasion, if this fellow is to die without getting any hearing at all?[*](Literally, "without getting any water at all"; i.e. any of the time ordinarily allowed for court speeches, which was apportioned with a water-clock. ) PLATO Excellent advice, Socrates; so let us go and get Philosophy. She shall judge, and we shall be content with her decision, whatever it may be.

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FRANKNESS Well done, most learned sirs; this course is better and more legal. Keep your stones, however, as I said ; for you will need them presently at court. But where is Philosophy to be found? For my part I do not know where she lives. Yet I wandered very long in search of her dwelling, so that I might study with her. Then I met men with short cloaks and long beards who professed to come directly from her ; and thinking that they knew, I questioned them. But they were far more at a loss than I, and either made no answer, in order that they might not ‘be convicted of ignorance, or else pointed out one door after another. Even to this day I have been unable to find her house.

Often, either by guesswork on my own part or under the guidance of someone else; I would go to a door in the firm belief that at last I had found it, drawing my conclusion from the number of men that came and went, all solemn of countenance, decorous in dress, and studious in looks. So I would thrust myself among them and enter also. Then I always saw a hussy who was far from ingenuous, however much she strove to bring herself into harmony with simplicity and plainness. On the contrary, I perceived at once that she did not leave the apparent disorder of her hair unenhanced by art, nor let her mantle hang about her in unstudied folds. It was patent that she used it all asa make-up and employed her seeming negligence to heighten her attractiveness. There were also evidences of enamel and rouge; her talk was quite that of a courtesan; she delighted in being praised by her lovers for her

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beauty; she took eagerly any presents that were offered; and she would let her wealthy lovers sit close beside her, but would not even look at those who were poor. And often when she exposed her throat as if by accident, I saw gold necklaces thicker than shackles. Qn observing all this I would withdraw at once, pitying, as you may well believe, those poor unfortunates whom she was leading, not by the nose, but by the beard, and who, like Ixion, embraced but a phantom and not Hera.

PLATO You are right in one point: the door is not conspicuous and not known to all. However, there will be no need to go to her house. We shall wait for her here in the Potters’ Quarter. She will come here presently, no doubt, on her way back from the Academy, to stroll in the Painted Porch also, for it is her custom to do so every day. In fact, here she comes now. Do you see her, the mannerly one, the one in the mantle, soft of eye, walking slowly, rapt in thought?

FRANKNESS I see many who are alike in mantle, walk, and fashion. Yet surely only one, even among then, is the true Philosophy.

PLATO Right, but she will show you who she is, just by speaking.

PHILOSOPHY Ah! What are you all doing in the upper world, Plato and Chrysippus and Aristotle and the rest of

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you, the very fore-front of my studies? Why have you come back to life? Did anything in the underworld ‘distress you? You certainly appear to be angry. And who is this man whom you have taken into custody? Some ghoul or murderer or profaner of holiness, I suppose.

PLATO “Yes, indeed, Philosophy, the most impious of all profaners, for he made bold to speak ill of you, than whom nothing is more holy, and of us, one and all, who learned something from you and have left it to those who came after us.

PHILOSOPHY Then it made you angry to be vituperated ? And yet you knew that in spite of the hard names which Comedy calls me during the festival of Dionysus, I have held her my friend, and neither sued her at law nor berated her in private, but permit her to make the fun that is in keeping and customary at the festival. I am aware, you see, that no harm can be done by a joke; that, on the contrary, whatever is beautiful shines brighter and becomes more conspicuous, like gold cleansed by its minting. But you, for some reason or other, have grown hot-tempered and violent. Tell me, why do you throttle him?

PLATO "Obtaining leave of absence for this one day, we came to get him, so that he may pay the penalty for what he has done; for rumours repeatedly told us what sort of language he used in public against us.

PHILOSOPHY Then you intend to put him to death before trial, without even a chance to defend himself? It is certainly clear that he wants to make.a statement.

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PLATO No: we have referred the whole matter to you, and you are to conclude the trial as you think best.

PHILOSOPHY You, there, what do you say?

FRANKNESS Precisely what they do, my Lady Philosophy ; for. you, even without aid, could discover the truth. In fact, it was only with difficulty, after a deal of entreaty, that I secured the reservation of the case for you.

PLATO Now, you scoundrel, you call her “My Lady,” do you? Just the other day you made her out to be . utterly contemptible by offering every form of her doctrines for sale at two obols apiece before so large an audience!

PHILOSOPHY Careful! Perhaps fis abuse was not directed against Philosophy, but against impostors who do much that is vile in oyr name.

FRANKNESS You shall see at once, if you will only hear my defence.

PHILOSOPHY Let us go to the Areopagus, or-rather, to the Acropolis itself, so that at the same time we may get a bird’s eye view of everything in the city.

You, my dears, may walk about in the Painted Porch meanwhile: I shall join you after concluding the trial.

FRANKNESS Who are they, Philosophy? They too seem very mannerly.

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PHILOSOPHY This one with the masculine air is Virtue; yonder is Temperance, and there beside her Justice ; the one in advance is Culture, and she that is faint and indistinct in colour is Truth.

FRANKNESS I do not see which one you really mean.

PHILOSOPHY Do you not see the unadorned one over there, naked, always shrinking into the background and slipping away? :

FRANKNESS I can just see her now. But why not bring them also, in order that the meeting may be full and perfect? As to Truth, indeed, I wish to introduce her into the trial as an advocate.

PHILOSOPHY To be sure. (To the others) Come with us also. It is not a hard matter to try a single case, particularly one that will involve our own interests.

TRUTH You others go: I do not-need to hear what I have long known all about.

PHILOSOPHY But it would help us, Truth, if you should join in the trial and give us information on each point.

TRUTH Then shall I bring along these two waitingwomen, who are in very close sympathy with me?

PHILOSOPHY Yes, indeed, as many as you wish.

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TRUTH Come with us, Liberty and Free-speech, so that we may be able to rescue this poor creature, our admirer, who is facing danger for no just reason. You, Investigation, may stay where you are.

FRANKNESS Hold, my lady: let him come too, if anyone is to come. Those whom I shall have to fight to-day are none of your ordinary cattle, but pretentious fellows, hard to argue down, always finding some loophole or other, so that Investigation is necessary.

INVESTIGATION Yes, most necessary: and you had better take Proof along too. :

TRUTH Come, all of you, since you appear to be necessary to the case.

PLATO Do you see that? He is suborning Truth against us, Philosophy.

PHILOSOPHY Then you, Plato and Chrysippus and Aristotle, are afraid that she, Truth, may tell some lie ‘in his behalf?

PLATO It isn’t that, but he is terribly unprincipled and smooth-tongued, so that he will seduce her.

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PHILOSOPHY Have no fear. No injustice will be done while we have Justice here with us.

Let us go up, then. But tell me, what is your name ?

FRANKNESS Mine? Frankness, son of Truthful, son of Renowned Investigator.

PHILOSOPHY And your country?

FRANKNESS I am a Syrian, Philosophy, from the banks of the Euphrates. But what of that? I know that some of my opponents here are just as foreign-born as I: but in their manners and culture they are not like men of Soli or Cyprus or Babylon or Stageira.[*](Although they were born there: Chrysippus in Soli, Aristotle in Stageira. No philosopher. mentioned: by name in this piece came from Cyprus or from Babylon, and these allusions are not clear. Perhaps Lucian has in mind Zeno of Citium and Poseidonius of Seleucia on the Tigris. ) Yet as far as you are concerned it would make no difference even if a man’s speech were foreign, if only his way of thinking were manifestly right and just.

PHILOSOPHY True: it was a needless question, to be sure. But what is your calling? That at least is worth knowing.

FRANKNESS Iam a bluff-hater, cheat-hater, liar-hater, vanityhater, and hate all that sort of scoundrels, who are very numerous, as you know.

PHILOSOPHY Heracles! You follow a hateful calling !

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FRANKNESS You are right. You see, in fact, how many have come to dislike me and how I am imperilled because I follow it. However, I am very well up in the opposite calling, too: I mean the one with love for a base ; for I am a truth-lover, a beauty-lover, a simplicitylover, and a lover of all else that is kindred to love. But there are very few who deserve to have this calling practised upon them, while those who come under the other and are closer akin to hatefulness number untold thousands. So the chances are that by this time I have lost my skill in the pne calling for lack of practice, but have become very expert in the other.

PHILOSOPHY But that ought not to be so, for if a man can do the one, they say, he can do the other. So do not distinguish the two callings; they are but one, though they seem two.

FRANKNESS You know best as to that, Philosophy. For my part, however, I am so-constituted as to hate rascals and to commend and love honest men.