Cyropaedia

Whenever Cyrus entertained company at dinner,[*](Cyrus’s entertainments) he always took pains that the conversation introduced should be as entertaining as possible and that it should incite to good. On one occasion he opened the conversation as follows: Tell me, men, said he, do our new comrades seem to be any worse off than we because they have not been educated in the same way as we, or pray do you think that there will be no difference between us either in social intercourse or when we shall have to contend with the enemy?

Well said Hystaspas in reply, for my part,[*](A story of bad manners) I cannot tell yet how they will appear in the face of the enemy. But in social intercourse, by the gods, some of them seem ill-mannered enough. The other day, at any rate, he explained, Cyaxares had meat sent in to each company, and as it was passed around each one of us got three pieces or even more. And the first time round the cook began with me as he passed it around; but when he came in the second time to pass it, I bade him begin with the last and pass it around the other way.

Then one of the men sitting in the middle of the circle called out and said, By Zeus, this is not fair at all—at any rate, if they are never going to begin with us here in the middle. And when I heard that, I was vexed that any one should think that he had less than another and I called him to me at once. He obeyed, showing good discipline in this at least. But when that which was being passed came to us, only the smallest pieces were left, as one might expect, for we were the last to be served. Thereupon he was greatly vexed and said to himself: Such luck! that I should happen to have been called here just now!

Well, never mind, said I. They will begin with us next time, and you, being first, will get the biggest piece. And at that moment the cook began to pass around the third time what was left of the course; and the man helped himself; and then he thought the piece he had taken too small; so he put back the piece he had, with the intention of taking another. And the cook, thinking that he did not want any more to eat, went on passing it before he got his other piece.

Thereupon he took his mishap so to heart that he lost not only the meat he had taken but also what was still left of his sauce; for this last he upset somehow or other in the confusion of his vexation and anger over his hard luck. The lieutenant nearest us saw it and laughed and clapped his hands in amusement. And I, he added, pretended to cough; for even I could not keep from laughing. Such is one man, Cyrus, that I present to you as one of our comrades. At this they laughed, of course.

But another[*](A comical result of literal obedience) of the captains said: Our friend here, it seems, Cyrus, has fallen in with a very ill-mannered fellow. But as for me, when you had instructed us about the arrangement of the lines and dismissed us with orders each to teach his own company what we had learned from you, why then I went and proceeded to drill one platoon, just as the others also did. I assigned the lieutenant his place first and arranged next after him a young recruit, and the rest, as I thought proper. Then I took my stand out in front of them facing the platoon, and when it seemed to me to be the proper time, I gave the command to go ahead.

And that young recruit, mark you, stepped ahead—of the lieutenant and marched in front of him! And when I saw it, I said: Fellow, what are you doing? I am going ahead, as you ordered, said he. Well, said I, I ordered not only you, but all to go ahead. When he heard this, he turned about to his comrades and said: don’t you hear him scolding? He orders us all to go ahead. Then the men all ran past their lieutenant and came toward me.

But when the lieutenant ordered them back to their places, they were indignant and said: Pray, which one are we to obey? For now the one orders us to go ahead, and the other will not let us. I took this good-naturedly, however, and when I had got them in position again, I gave instructions that no one of those behind should stir before the one in front led off, but that all should have their attention on this only—to follow the man in front.

But when a certain man who was about to start for Persia came up and asked me for the letter which I had written home, I bade the lieutenant run and fetch it, for he knew where it had been placed. So he started off on a run, and that young recruit followed, as he was, breastplate and sword; and then the whole fifty, seeing him run, ran after. And the men came back bringing the letter. So exactly, you see, does my company, at least, carry out all your orders.

The rest, of course, laughed over the military escort of the letter, and Cyrus said: O Zeus and all the gods! What sort of men we have then as our comrades; they are so easily won by kindness that we can make many of them our firm friends with even a little piece of meat; and they are so obedient that they obey even before the orders are given. I, for my part, do not know what sort of soldiers one could ask to have in preference to these!

Thus Cyrus praised his soldiers, laughing at[*](Objections raised to both stories) the same time. But one of his captains, Aglaïtadas by name, one of the most austere of men, happened to be in Cyrus’s tent at the same time and he spoke somewhat as follows: You don’t mean to say, Cyrus, that you think what these fellows have been telling is true? Well said Cyrus, what object could they have, pray, in telling a lie? What object, indeed, said the other, except that they wanted to raise a laugh; and so they tell these stories and try to humbug us.

Hush said Cyrus. don’t call these men humbugs. For to me, the name humbug seems to apply to those who pretend that they are richer than they are or braver than they are, and to those who promise to do what they cannot do, and that, too, when it is evident that they do this only for the sake of getting something or making some gain. But those who invent stories to amuse their companions and not for their own gain nor at the expense of their hearers nor to the injury of any one, why should these men not be called witty and entertaining rather than humbugs?

Thus Cyrus defended those who had furnished[*](Is it better to make men laugh than weep?) the fun, and the captain himself who had told the anecdote about his platoon said: Verily, Aglaïtadas, you might find serious fault with us, if we tried to make you weep, like some authors who invent touching incidents in their poems and stories and try to move us to tears; but now, although you yourself know that we wish to entertain you and not to do you any harm at all, still you heap such reproaches upon us.

Aye, by Zeus, said Aglaïtadas, and justly, too, since he that makes his friends laugh seems to me to do them much less service than he who makes them weep; and if you will look at it rightly, you, too, will find that I speak the truth. At any rate, fathers develop self-control in their sons by making them weep, and teachers impress good lessons upon their pupils in the same way, and the laws, too, turn the citizens to justice by making them weep. But could you say that those who make us laugh either do good to our bodies or make our minds any more fitted for the management of our private business or of the affairs of state?

Hereupon Hystaspas answered somewhat as follows: If you will heed me, Aglaïtadas, you will freely expend this very valuable commodity upon your enemies and will try to set them to weeping; but upon us and your friends here you will please to lavish this cheap article, laughter. And you can, for I know you must have a great quantity of it stored up; for you have never spent it upon yourself nor do you ever afford any laughter for your friends or for your enemies if you can help it. So you have no excuse for begrudging us a laugh.What said Aglaïtadas; do you really think, Hystaspas, to get a laugh out of me?Well, by Zeus, said the other captain, he is a very foolish fellow, let me tell you, if he does; for I believe one might rub fire out of you more easily than provoke a laugh from you.

At this, of course, the rest laughed; for they knew his character, and Aglaïtadas himself smiled at the sally. And Cyrus seeing him brighten up said: It is not right, captain, for you to corrupt our most serious man by persuading him to laugh, and that, too, said he, when he is such a foe to laughter.

With that, the subject was dropt. But at this point Chrysantas spoke as follows.

Cyrus, said he, and all you here present, I observe, for my part, that some have come out with us who are of superior merit, others who are less deserving than we. Now, if we meet with success, these will all expect to have share and share alike. And yet I[*](The proper basis for distributing prize money) do not believe that anything in the world is more unfair than for the bad and good to be awarded equal shares. Well, then, in the name of the gods, my men, Cyrus replied to this, will it not be a very good thing for us to suggest to the army a debate on this question: shall we, in case God gives us any success to reward our toils, give to all an equal share or shall we take into consideration each man’s services and bestow increased rewards upon him commensurate with them?

And what is the use, said Chrysantas, of starting a discussion concerning this matter? Why not rather announce that you propose to do thus and so? Pray, did you not announce the games and offer the prizes that way? Yes, by Zeus, said Cyrus; but this is not a parallel case. For what the men obtain by fighting, that, I suppose, they will consider their own common property; but the command of the army they still consider fairly to be mine, so that when I appoint the judges, I am sure they think I am within my rights.

And do you really believe, said Chrysantas, that the mass meeting would adopt a resolution that each one should not have an equal share, but that the best should have the preference both in honours and gifts? Yes said Cyrus, I do, partly because we recommend[*](Rewards according to merit) it, and partly because it is mean to oppose a proposition that the one who suffers the most and does the most for the state should also receive the highest rewards. And I think, said he, that even to the worst it will seem proper that the good should have the larger share.