Res Gestae

Some of these men, when one begins to salute them breast to breast, like menacing bulls turn to one side their heads, where they should be kissed, and offer their flatterers their knees to kiss or their hands, thinking that quite enough to ensure them a happy life; and they believe that a stranger is given an abundance of all the duties of courtesy, even though the great men may perhaps be under obligation to him, if he is asked what hot baths or waters he uses, or at what house he has been put up.

And although they are so important and, in their own opinion, such cultivators of the virtues, if they learn that someone has announced that horses or chariots are coming from anywhere whatever, they hover over this same man and ask him questions as anxiously as their ancestors looked up to the two sons of Tyndareus,[*](Castor and Pollux, who were present at the battle at Lake Regillus, 496 B.C., and brought news of victory to Rome; cf. Florus, i. 5, 4; Val. Max. i. 8, 1–2. They are said also to have announced the victories over Perseus at Pydna (Flor. i. 28, 15) and over the Cimbri (i. 38, 20).) when they filled everything with joy by announcing those famous victories of olden days.

Their houses are frequented by idle chatterboxes, who with various pretences of approval applaud every word of the man of loftier fortune, emulating the witty flatteries of the parasites in the comedies. For just as the parasites puff up boastful

Sometimes at their banquets the scales are even called for, in order to weigh the fish, birds, and dormice[*](These were considered a delicacy; cf. Apicius, viii. 9; cf. Pliny, N.H. viii. 223.) that are served, whose great size they commend again and again, as hitherto unexampled, often repeating it to the weariness of those present, especially when thirty secretaries stand near by, with pen-cases and small tablets, recording these same items, so that the only thing lacking seems to be a schoolmaster.[*](The meaning is not clear. Perhaps it is that only a schoolmaster is lacking to make the place look like a school; or to praise the host in eloquent language. The former seems more probable; the secretaries (and the guests?) would be the pupils.)

Some of them hate learning as they do poison, and read with attentive care only Juvenal and Marius Maximus,[*](City prefect under Macrinus (Dio, lxxix. 14, 3) who wrote biographies of the Caesars. On him see Vopiscus, Firmus, 1, 2: homo omnium verbosissimus, qui et mythistoricis se voluminibus implicavit. The association of Juvenal with this writer is a strange one, if the poet is meant.) in their boundless idleness handling no other books than these, for what reason it is not for my humble mind to judge.[*](Cf. xxvii. 11, 1.)

Whereas, considering the greatness of their fame and of their parentage, they ought to pore over many and varied works; they ought to learn that Socrates,[*](Cf. Val. Max. viii. 7, Ext. 8; Cic., De Senec. 8, 26; Socrates’ reply is in the words of Solon, about whom a somewhat similar story is told (ἵνα μαθὼν αὐτὸ ἀποθάνω), and perhaps Ammianus confused the two, as Valesius thought.) when condemned to death and thrown into prison, asked a musician, who was skilfully rendering a song

But a few among them are so strict in punishing offences, that if a slave is slow in bringing the hot water, they condemn him to suffer three hundred lashes; if he has intentionally killed a man, although many people insist that he be condemned to death, his master will merely cry out: What should a worthless fellow do, notorious for wicked deeds? But if he dares to do anything else like that hereafter, he shall be punished.

But the height of refinement with these men at present is, that it is better for a stranger to kill any man’s brother than to decline his invitation to dinner. For a senator thinks that he is suffering the loss of a rich property, if the man whom he has, after considerable weighing of pros and cons, invited once, fails to appear at his table.

Some of them, if they make a longish journey to visit their estates, or to hunt by the labours of others,[*](I.e., their slaves do the hunting; cf. Pliny, N.H. xxix. 19; Pliny the Younger, Epist. i. 6.) think that they have equalled the marches of Alexander the Great or of Caesar; or if they have sailed in their gaily-painted boats from the Lake of Avernus to Puteoli, it is the