Miles Gloriosus

Plautus, Titus Maccius

Plautus. The Comedies of Plautus, Volume 1. Riley, H. T., translator. London: G. Bell and Sons, Ltd., 1912.

  1. It seems that it is time for us to go to the Forum, that I may count out their pay to those soldiers whom I have enlisted of late. For King Seleucus [*](Seleucus: The King of that part of Asia Minor where Ephesus was situated.) entreated me with most earnest suit that I would raise and enlist recruits for him. To that business have I resolved to devote my attention this day.
ARTOTROGUS
  1. Come, let’s be going then.
PYRGOPOLINICES
  1. Guards, follow me. (Exeunt.)
The prologue. [*](Prologue: As the Prologue of the play commences with the Second Act. it may appear to be misplaced; but it really is properly placed here, as the preceding act is introductory, and has nothing to do with the plot, being void of incident. Its purpose is to acquaint us with the character of the Captain, who is to be duped and punished in the piece according to his desert.)Enter PALAESTRIO.
PALAESTRIO
  1. To tell the subject of this our play, I have all willingness, if you will but have the kindness to listen to it. But he who does not wish to listen, let him arise and go out, that there may be room where he may sit who does wish to listen. Now I will disclose to you both the subject and the name of the play which we are just now about to act, and for the sake of which you are now seated in this mirthful place[*](This mirthful place: He alludes to the theatres, where scenic representations took place on public festivals.), Alazon is the name[*](Alazon is the name: ἀλάζων,the boaster, he says, was the Greek name of the play. It is not known who was the Greek author from whom Plautus took this play, which is one of his best.), in Greek, of this Comedy; the same we call in Latin, the Braggart (Gloriosus). This city is Ephesus; then, the Captain, my master, who has gone off hence to the Forum, a bragging, impudent, stinking fellow, brimful of lying and lasciviousness, says that all the women are following him of their own accord. Wherever he goes, he is the laughing.stock of all; and so, the Courtesans here—since they make wry mouths at him, you may see the greater part of them with lips all awry. I wish you now to know this, how I came to be his slave, from him to whom I was servant before; for ’tis not long that I lave been in slavery to him. Give your attention, for now I will begin the argument. A very worthy young man at Athens was my master. He was in love with a Courtesan, brought up at Athens, in Attica, and she on the other hand loved him; such affection is most worthy to be cherished. In the public service, he was sent to Naupactus [*](Naupactus: This was a city situated on the sea-coast of Aetolia.) as Ambassador on behalf of that mighty republic. In the mean time, by chance, this Captain came to Athens. He introduced himself to this lady of my master, began to cajole her mother with presents of wine, trinkets, and costly treats; and so the Captain made himself on intimate terms with the procuress. As soon as ever an opportunity was presented for this Captain, he tricked this procuress, the mother of the damsel, whom my master loved. For, unknown to her mother, he put the daughter on board ship, and carried this woman, against her will, hither to Ephesus. Soon as I knew that the lady of my master was carried off from Athens, as quickly as ever I was able, I procured for myself a ship: I embarked, that I might carry tidings of this matter to my master at Naupactum. When we had got out to sea, some pirates, as they had hoped to do, took that ship on board of which I was; thus I was undone before I reached my master, for whom I had commenced to proceed on my voyage. He that took me, gave me as a present to this same Captain. After he had taken me home to his own house, I saw there that favorite of my master who lived at Athens. When, on the other hand, she perceived me, she gave me a sign with her eyes not to address her by name. Afterwards, when there was an opportunity, the damsel complained to me of her hard fate. She said that she wished to escape to Athens from this house, that she was attached to him, that master of mine who lived at Athens, and that she had never hated any one more thoroughly than this same Captain. As I discovered the feelings of the damsel, I took tablets, sealed them in private, and gave them to a certain merchant to carry to him (my master, I mean, who was at Athens, and who had so loved her), in order that he might come hither. He did not slight the message, for he both is come, and is lodging here next door, with his host, a friend of his father’s, a nice old man. He, too, gives every assistance to his guest in his amour, and encourages and seconds us with his help and his advice. Therefore, here (pointing to the CAPTAIN’S house), in-doors, I have found a grand contrivance, by which to cause these lovers, each, to meet the other. For one room, which the Captain gave to his mistress for no one but herself to set foot in, in that same room I have dug a hole through the party-wall, in order that there may secretly be an ingress for the damsel from the one house to the other. And this I have done with the knowledge of the old gentleman; ’twas he that gave the advice. But my fellow-servant, whom the Captain has given as a keeper to his mistress, is a person of no great worth. By clever contrivances and ingenious devices, we will throw dust [*](We will throw dust: Glaucomam obiiciemus;literally, we will throw a malady in his eyes.Glaucoma was a disease of the crystalline humours of the eye.) in his eyes, and we will make him so as not to see what he really does see. And that you may not hereafter make mistakes, this damsel to-day, in this house and in that, will perform in turn a double part, and will be the same, but will pretend to be another, person. Thus will the keeper of the damsel be gulled. But there is a noise[*](There is a noise: The street doors of the ancients consisted of folding-doors, whence the plural form, fores.These opened outward into the street, and not, like those of modern times, within. For this reason, when any person was coming out, it was customary for him to give warning by making a noise with his knuckles or a stick on the inside.) at the door here of the old gentleman, our neighbour. ’Tis himself coming out ’tis he, the nice old man that I was speaking of. (He retires to a distance.
Enter PERIPLECOMENUS from his house.
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. speaking to his servants within. Faith, if you don’t in future smash his ankle-bones for any stranger that you see on my tiles, I will cut you so with lashes as to make thongs of your sides. My neighbours, i’ faith, are overlookers of what is going on in my own house; so often are they peeping down through the skylight[*](Through the skylight: The atrium, or middle hall, of the houses of the Romans was a large apartment, roofed over, with the exception of an opening in the centre, which was called impluvium, or compluvium, towards which the roof sloped, so as to throw the rain-water down through pipes into a cistern below. Vitruvius says that the impluviumwas from a fourth to a third of the size of the atrium, or hall below. It was probably glazed, and thus would form a sort of sloping skylight. In the present instance, it would seem to have overlooked the upper chamber, into which Philocomasium passed through the wall of the next house, to meet Pleusicles.). And now, therefore, I give you all notice, whatever person of this Captain’s household you shall see upon our tiles, except Palaestrio only, push him headlong here into the street. Suppose he says that he is following some hen, or pigeon, or monkey; woe be to you, if you don’t badly maul the fellow even to death. And so, that they may commit no infringement against the laws of dice[*](The laws of dice: Commentators are much divided as to what is the meaning here of lex alearia, or, as some editions have it lex talaria.Some suppose that it simply means the rules of the game with the tali, or dice; while others think that Plautus alludes to some recent enactment at Rome against games of chance. Such laws were repeatedly promulgated, but immediately became a mere dead letter. Talusmeans either a person’s anklebone, or the knuckle-bone of an animal, which latter was marked with numbers on four sides, and used by the Greeks and Romans in sets of four for the purpose of dice. The old man puns on the two meanings, and says, I’ll take care that your tali (or ankle-bones) are broken, so that (if we adopt the first meaning) you shall not cheat at dice in future, or (if we take the second interpretation) you shall not have an opportunity of infringing the public laws. Simia, which is translated monkey, is. strictly speaking, a she-ape; probably a present from the Captain to Philocomasium.), do you take good care that they keep holiday at home without any ankle-bones at all.
PALAESTRIO
  1. aside. Something amiss,—what, I know not, has been done him by our family so far as I can hear, inasmuch as the old man has ordered the ankles of my fellow-servants to be broken. But he has excepted me; nothing care I what he does to the rest of them. I’ll accost the old man. (Advances.)
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. The person that is coming this way, is he coming towards me? He comes as if he was coming to me.
PALAESTRIO
  1. How do you do, Periplecomenus?
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. There are not many men, if I were to wish, whom I would rather now see and meet with than yourself.
PALAESTRIO
  1. What’s the matter? What disturbance have you with our family?
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. We are done for.
PALAESTRIO
  1. What’s the matter?
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. The thing’s discovered.
PALAESTRIO
  1. What thing’s discovered?
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. Some one just now of your household was looking in from the tiles through our skylight at Philocomasium and my guest as they were toying together.
PALAESTRIO
  1. What person saw it?
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. Your fellow-servant.
PALAESTRIO
  1. Which person was it?
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. I don’t know; he took himself off so suddenly—in an instant.
PALAESTRIO
  1. I suspect I’m ruined.