Miles Gloriosus
Plautus, Titus Maccius
Plautus. The Comedies of Plautus, Volume 1. Riley, H. T., translator. London: G. Bell and Sons, Ltd., 1912.
- My master is such a shocking rake among the women, that I think no one ever was his equal, nor ever will be.
- I believe the same as well.
- He boasts, too, that his beauty exceeds that of Alexander [*](Of Alexander: Alexander, from two Greek words, signifying the brave man, was one of the names of Paris, the son of Priam, who was remarkable for his beauty, which captivated Helen.); and, therefore, he says that all the women[*](All the women: The Parasite quizzes him upon this weak point in the First Act.) in Ephesus of their own accord are courting him.
- Aye, faith, many there are who could wish[*](Who could wish: The meaning of Periplecomenus seems to be that the Captain has been but too successful in his intrigues, and that many a husband could wish that what Palaestrio says were false.) that you were now telling an untruth about him. But I am convinced full well that it is as you say. For that reason, Palaestrio, do compress your words in as short a compass as ever you possibly can.
- Can you, then, find any woman of agreable person, whose mind and body are full of merriment and subtlety?
- Free by birth, or bondwoman made free?
- I consider that a matter of indifference, so that you find one who is greedy for gain, who supports her body by her charms, who has, too, her senses all awake; as for her heart, that cannot be so, as none of them have one.
- Do you want one that has[*](One that has: Some Commentators think that lautamhere means one who has borne children, and who has bathed (lautus fuerit), as was the custom immediately after delivery. As, however, Palaestrio has said before that the female required must be a Courtesan, it surely could not matter whether she had had children or not. It probably means either one of elegant manners, and who has made good use of her experience, in contradistinction to a novice, who is a mere raw country wench, or else one in easy circumstances, and not a mere pauper.) taken her degrees, or one as yet a novice in the art?
- One sober but plump[*](Sober but plump: His answer is, he wants to find a woman who is sicca, probably in the sense of sober; but, as the same word means dry, he adds, antithetically, at succidam, but juicy, full of the plumpness and briskness of youth. Scaliger absolutely thinks that siccameans one not given to the habit of spitting.!!), a juicy bit; as taking a one as ever you can find, and one very young.
- Why, I have one, a dependant of mine, a courtesan, a very young woman. But what is the occasion for her?
- For you to bring her home at once to your house as your wife, and, for that reason, to bring her there dressed out, so that she may wear her locks with her hair arranged, and fillets after the fashion of matrons[*](The fashion of matrons: The vittawas a band which encircled the head, and served to confine the tresses of the hair. It was worn by maidens, and by married women also, among the Romans; but that assumed on the day of marriage was of a different form from that used by the virgins. It was not worn by women of light character, or even by the libertinae, or liberated female slaves; so that it was not only deemed an emblem of chastity, but of freedom also. White and purple are among the colours of the vittawhich we find mentioned.), and may pretend that she is your wife; so you must instruct her.
- I am at a loss what road you are taking.
- Well, you shall know. But what sort of a maid has she?
- She is a rare clever one.
- We have need of her as well; so give your instructions to the damsel and her maid, to pretend that she is your wife and is doting upon this Captain; and as though she had given this ring to her maid, then she to me, that I might deliver it to the Captain; and I must be as though it were a go-between in this matter.
- I hear you; don’t stun my ears as if I were deaf.
- I myself will go straightway to him; I’ll say that it has been brought and delivered to me from your wife, in order that I might introduce her to him. He’ll be distractedly longing for her at home, a scoundrel that cares for nothing else whatever but intriguing.
- If you had commissioned the Sun himself to search them out, he couldn’t have found, better than myself, two more cleverly suited for this business. Be of good courage about it.
- Take you every care then. There is need of despatch. (Exit PERIPLECOMENUS.)
- Now, do you listen, Pleusicles.