Satires

Hence we were bowled away in chaises twenty-four miles, intending to stop at a little town, which one can not name in a verse, but it is easily enough known by description.[*](This (as the Schol. informs us) was Equotuticum. The reason that it can not occur in dactylics is, that the first is short, and the next two syllables long, while the penultimate is short. Were the first long, thero could be no difficulty about introducing it. MCCAUL.) For water is sold here, though the worst in the world; but their bread is exceeding fine, inasmuch that the weary traveler is used to carry it willingly on his shoulders; for [the bread] at Canusium is gritty; a pitcher of water is worth no more [than it is here]: which place was formerly built by the valiant Diomedes. Here Varius departs dejected from his weeping friends.

Hence we came to Rabi, fatigued: because we made a long journey, and it was rendered still more troublesome by the rains. Next day the weather was better, the road worse, even to the very walls of Barium that abounds in fish. In the next place Egnatia, which [seems to have] been built on troubled waters, gave us occasion for jests and laughter; for they wanted to persuade us, that at this sacred portal the incense melted without fire. The Jew Apella may believe this, not I. For I have learned [from Epicurus], that the gods dwell in a state of tranquillity; nor, if nature effect any wonder, that the anxious gods send it from the high canopy of the heavens.

Brundusium ends both my long journey, and my paper.

NOT Maecenas, though of all the Lydians[*](Lydorum quicquid Etruscos. Mr. Dacier, upon the single authority of Dionysius Halicarnassensis, asserts that the Tuscans were not descended from the Lydians. Yet Horace had a poetical right to the tradition, as it was generally believed, although it might possibly be false. But it is supported by Herodotus, Tully, Virgil, Strabo, Servius, Pliny, Tacitus, Velleius, Seneca, Plutarch, Valerius Maximus, Silius, and Statius.) that ever inhabited the Tuscan territories, no one is of a nobler family than yourself; and though you have ancestors both on father's and mother's side, that in times past have had the command of mighty legions; do you, as the generality are wont, toss up your nose at obscure people, such as me, who had [only] a freed-man[*](In the first ages of the republic libertinus and liberti filius had the same signification; but some time before Cicero, as we are informed by Suetonius, the manner of speaking was changed, and from thence libertus and libertinus were used as synonymous terms to signify a man who was made free.) for my father: since you affirm that it is of no consequence of what parents any man is born, so that he be a man of merit. You persuade yourself, with truth, that before the dominions of Tullius, and the reign of one born a slave, frequently numbers of men descended from ancestors of no rank, have both lived as men of merit, and have been distinguished by the greatest honors: [while] on the other hand Laevinus, the descendant of that famous Valerius, by whose means Tarquinius Superbus was expelled from his kingdom, was not a farthing more esteemed[*](Licuisse. Laevinus is here pleasantly set up to auction, for licere was the term used to signify raising the sale.) [on account of his family, even] in the judgment of the people, with whose disposition you are well acquainted; who often foolishly bestow honors on the unworthy, and are from their stupidity slaves to a name: who are struck with admiration by inscriptions and statues. What is it fitting for us to do, who are far, very far removed from the vulgar [in our sentiments]? For grant it, that the people had rather confer a dignity on Laevinus than on Decius, who is a new man; and the censor Appius would expel me [the senate-house], because I was not sprung from a sire of distinction: and that too deservedly, inasmuch as I rested not content in in my own condition. But glory drags in her dazzling car the obscure as closely fettered as those of nobler birth. What did it profit you, O Tullius, to resume the robe that you [were forced] to lay aside, and. become a tribune [again] Envy increased upon you, which had been less, if you had remained in a private station. For when any crazy fellow has laced the middle of his leg with the sable buskins,[*](The buskins worn by senators were black, and sometimes white; those of the curule magistrates were red.) and has let flow the purple robe from his breast, he immediately hears: "Who is this man? Whose son is he?" Just as if there be any one, who labors under the same distemper as Barrus does, so that he is ambitious of being reckoned handsome; let him go where he will, he excites curiosity among the girls of inquiring into particulars; as what sort of face, leg, foot, teeth, hair, he has. Thus he who engages[*](Sic qui promittit. This was the form of a senator's and a magistrate's oath.) to his citizens to take care of the city, the empire, and Italy, and the sanctuaries of the gods, forces every mortal to be solicitous, and to ask from what sire he is descended, or whether he is base by the obscurity of his mother. What? do you, the son of a Syrus,[*](Syri, Damae, aut Dionysi. These three names are the names of slaves. Damas or Dama is a contraction of Demetrius; Syrus is frequently the slave in comedy.) a Dama, or a Dionysius, dare to cast down the citizens of Rome from the [Tarpeian] rock, or deliver them up to Cadmus [the executioner]? But, [you may say,] my colleague Novius sits[*](Sedet is a law word, properly applied to senators, praetors, and other judges when seated on the bench, in execution of their office.) below me by one degree: for he is only what my father was. And therefore do you esteem yourself a Paulus or a Messala? But he (Novius), if two hundred carriages and three funerals were to meet in the forum, could make noise enough[*](Magna sonabit. Funerals usually passed through the forum, and Novius could pronounce an oration with a voice of thunder. Horace laughs at his being made a senator for an accomplishment which could only entitle him to the office of a crier.) to drown all their horns and trumpets:[*](Trumpets were used at the funerals of men, and flutes at those of children. The twelve tables confined them to ten in number. "Decem tibicines adhibeto, hoc plus ne facito." ) this [kind of merit] at least has its weight with us.

Now I return to myself, who am descended from a freedman; whom every body nibbles at, as being descended from a freed-man. Now, because, Maecenas, I am a constant guest of yours; but formerly, because a Roman legion was under my command, as being a military tribune. This latter case is different from the former: for, though any person perhaps might justly envy me that post of honor, yet could he not do so with regard to your being my friend! especially as you are cautious to admit such as are worthy; and are far from having any sinister ambitious views. I can not reckon myself a lucky fellow on this account, as if it were by accident that I got you for my friend; for no kind of accident threw you in my way. That best of men, Virgil, long ago, and after him, Varius, told you what I was. When first I came into your presence, I spoke a few words in a broken manner (for childish bashfulness hindered me from speaking more); I did not tell you that I was the issue of an illustrious father: I did not [pretend] that I rode about the country on a Satureian horse, but plainly what I really was; you answer (as your custom is) a few words: I depart: and you re-invite me after the ninth month, and command me to be in the number of your friends. I esteem it a great thing that I pleased you, who distinguish probity from baseness, not by the illustriousness of a father, but by the purity of heart and feelings.

And yet if my disposition be culpable for a few faults, and those small ones, otherwise perfect (as if you should condemn moles scattered over a beautiful skin), if no one can justly lay to my charge avarice, nor sordidness, nor impure haunts; if, in fine (to speak in my own praise), I live undefiled, and innocent, and dear to my friends; my father was the cause of all this: who though a poor man on a lean farm, was unwilling to send me to a school under [the pedant] Flavius, where great boys, sprung from great centurions, having their satchels and tablets swung over their left arm, used to go with money in their hands the very day it was due;[*](Octonis referentes idibus aera. The Romans had many stated times of paying their schoolmasters. Some imagine it was at the beginning, others at the end of the year, or at the grand festival of Minerva, called quinquatrus, or quinquatria, which began the 19th of March. But the Minerval then given to the master was not a salary, but a voluntary present. This word has no particular force here. It merely means that the Ides were eight days from the Nones. With regard to idibus comp. Sat. i. 3, 87. It appears from a passage of Martial that the Roman youths had full four months' vacation; hence Octonis idibus denote the period of tuition: trans, "bringing the money for eight months' instruction." ) but had the spirit to bring me a child to Rome, to be taught those arts which any Roman knight and senator can teach his own children. So that, if any person had considered my dress, and the slaves who attended me in so populous a city, he would have concluded that those expenses were supplied to me out of some hereditary estate. He himself, of all others the most faithful guardian, was constantly about every one of my prcceptors. Why should I multiply words? He preserved me chaste (which is the first honor of virtue) not only from every actual guilt, but likewise from [every] foul imputation, nor was he afraid lest any should turn it to his reproach, if I should come to follow a business attended with small profits, in capacity of an auctioneer, or (what he was himself) a taxgatherer. Nor [had that been the case] should I have complained. On this account the more praise is due to him, and from me a greater degree of gratitude. As long as I am in my senses, I can never be ashamed of such a father as this, and therefore shall not apologize [for my birth], in the manner that numbers do, by affirming it to be no fault of theirs. My language and way of thinking is far different from such persons. For if nature were to make us from a certain term of years to go over our past time again, and [suffer us] to choose other parents, such as every man for ostentation's sake would wish for himself; I, content with my own, would not assume those that are honored with the ensigns and seats of state; [for which I should seem] a madman in the opinion of the mob, but in yours, I hope a man of sense; because I should be unwilling to sustain a troublesome burden, being by no means used to it. For I must [then] immediately set about acquiring a larger fortune, and more people must be complimented; and this and that companion must be taken along, so that I could neither take a jaunt into the country, or a journey by myself; more attendants and more horses must be fed; coaches must be drawn. Now, if I please, I can go as far as Tarentum on my bob-tailed mule, whose loins the portmanteau galls with his weight, as does the horseman his shoulders. No one will lay to my charge such sordidness as he may, Tullius, to you, when five slaves follow you, a praetor, along the Tiburtian way, carrying a traveling kitchen, and a vessel of wine. Thus I live more comfortably, O illustrious senator, than you, and than thousands of others. Wherever I have a fancy, I walk by myself: I inquire the price of herbs and bread: I traverse the tricking circus,[*](He calls the circus fallacem, deceiving, because diviners, fortunetellers, interpreters of dreams, astrologers, and impostors of all sorts usually assemble there.) and the forum often in the evening: I stand listening among the fortune-tellers: thence I take myself home to a plate of onions, pulse, and pancakes. My supper is served up by three slaves; and a white stone slab supports two cups and a brimmer: near the salt-cellar stands a homely cruet[*](Echino vilis. We can not precisely determine what the guttus and echinus were. Mr. Dacier thinks the first was a little urn, out of which they poured water into a basin, echinus, to wash their hands.) with a little bowl, earthen-ware from Campania. Then I go to rest; by no means concerned that I must rise in the morning, and pay a visit to the statue of Marsyas,[*](Marsyas, a satyr, who, challenging Apollo to a trial of skill in music, was overcome and flayed alive by the god. A statue was erected to him in the forum, opposite to the rostra where the judges determined causes, and the poet pleasantly says, it stood in such an attitude as showed its indignation to behold a man who had been a slave, now sitting among the magistrates of Rome. The satyr forgets, in his resentment of such a sight, the pain of being flayed alive.) who denies that he is able to bear the look of the younger Novius. I lie a-bed to the fourth hour; after that I take a ramble, or having read or written what may amuse me in my privacy, I am anointed with oil, but not with such as the nasty Nacca, when he robs the lamps.

But when the sun, become more violent, has reminded me to go to baths, I avoid the Campus Martius [*](Fugio campum, lusumque trigonem.Campus is the Campus Martius, and lusus trigon was a game played with a ball, otherwise called lusus trigonalis, because the players stood in a triangle. Martial speaks of it in more than one place) and the game of hand-ball. Having dined in a temperate manner, just enough to hinder me from having an empty stomach, during the rest of the day I trifle in my own house. This is the life of those who are free from wretched and burthensome ambition: with such things as these I comfort myself, in a way to live more delightfully than if my grandfather had been a quaestor, and father and uncle too.

IN what manner the mongrel Persius[*](Ibrida Persius. Persius was a Greek by his father, and an Italian by his mother. The Romans gave the name of Ibrida to those whom parents were of different nations, or different conditions.) revenged the filth and venom of Rupilius, surnamed King, is I think known to all the blind men and barbers. This Persius, being a man of fortune, had very great business at Clazomenae, and, into the bargain, certain troublesome litigations wtth King; a hardened fellow, and one who was able to exceed even King in virulence; confident, blustering, of such a bitterness of speech, that he would outstrip the Sisennae[*](Cornelius Sisenna being reproached by the senate with the bad conduct of his wife, replied, "I married her by the advice of Augustus." Insinuating, Augustus had obliged him to marry her, that he might have a more easy commerce with her. Titus Veturius Barras, having ruined himself by his extravagance, was put to death for violating a vestal virgin.) and Barri, if ever so well equipped.

I return to King. After nothing could be settled betwixt them (for people among whom adverse war breaks out, are proportionably vexatious on the same account as they are brave. Thus between Hector, the son of Priam, and the highspirited Achilles, the rage was of so capital a nature, that only the final destruction [of one of them] could determine it; on no other account, than that valor in each of them was consummate. If discord sets two cowards to work; or if an engagement happens between two that are not of a match, as that of Diomed and the Lycian Glaucus; the worse man will walk off, [buying his peace] by voluntarily sending presents), when Brutus held as praetor[*](Marcus Brutus and Cassius were praetors of Rome when Caesar was put to death. In 711 Brutus went to take possession of his Macedonian government, and praetor may be understood propraetor; a manner of speaking of which there are many examples.) the fertile Asia, this pair, Rupilius and Persius, encountered; in such a manner, that [the gladiators] Bacchius and Bithus[*](The Scholiast tells us, that Bithus and Bacchius were two gladiators, who certainly put to death whoever fought with them. They afterward engaged together, and both expired on the stage.) were not better matched. Impetuous they hurry to the cause, each of them a fine sight.

Persius opens his case; and is laughed at by all the assembly; he extols Brutus, and extols the guard; he styles Brutus the sun of Asia, and his attendants he styles salutary stars, all except King; that he [he says,] came like that dog, the constellation hateful to husbandman: he poured along like a wintery flood, where the ax seldom comes.

Then, upon his running on in so smart and fluent a manner, the Praenestine [king] directs some witticisms squeezed from the vineyard,[*](Horace means a particular kind of vine, arbustiva, that grew round trees, in which the people who gathered the grapes stood exposed to the raillery of the travelers. In such an attitude our durus Vindemiator had often appeared. All sort of injurious language was allowed during the vintage; a custom that still continues in Naples.) himself a hardy vine-dresser, never defeated, to whom the passenger had often been obliged to yield, bawling cuckoo with roaring voice.

But the Grecian Persius, as soon as he had been well sprinkled with Italian vinegar, bellows out: O Brutus, by the great gods I conjure you, who are accustomed to take off kings,[*](Lucius Junius Brutus expelled Tarquinius Superbus. Marcus Brutus freed his country from the imperial power of Julius Caesar. From the introduction of this, we may conjecture that Horace, at the time of writing this satire, had not yet espoused the side of Augustus.) why do you not dispatch this King? Believe me, this is a piece of work which of right belongs to you.

FORMERLY I was the trunk of a wild fig-tree, an useless log:[*](The wood of a fig-tree was very little used, on account of its brittleness.) when the artificer, in doubt whether he should make a stool or a Priapus of me, determined that I should be a god. Henceforward I became a god, the greatest terror of thieves and birds: for my right hand restrains thieves, and a bloodylooking pole stretched out from my frightful middle: but a reed fixed upon the crown of my head terrifies the mischievous birds, and hinders them from settling in these new gardens.[*](Octavius, willing to correct the infection of this hill, which was a common burial-place for all the poor of Rome, got the consent of the senate and people to give part of it to Maecenas, who built a magnificent house there with very extensive gardens. Hence the poet calls them novis hortis. ) Before this the fellow-slave bore dead corpses thrown out of their narrow cells to this place, in order to be deposited in paltry coffins. This place stood a common sepulcher for the miserable mob, for the buffoon Pantolabus, and Nomentanus the rake. Here a column assigned a thousand feet[*](Mille pedes in fronte. Such was the title of the grave-yard, preserved on a pillar of stone, cippus, to show its extent, and to declare it was never to return to the heirs of the estate. We have numberless inscriptions of this kind, ITA NE UNQUAM DE NOMINE FAMILIAE NOSTRAE EXEAT HOC MONUMENTUM. HOC MONUMENTUM HEREDES NON SEQUITUR. IN FRONTE LAT. PED. XX. ET DIG. II. IN AGR. LONG. PED. XX. In fronte signifies to the road: in agro, to the fields. Dabat is for indicabat, testabatur. ) [of ground] in front, and three hundred toward the fields: that the burial-place should not descend to the heirs of the estate. Now one may live in the Esquiliae,[*](The air was afterward so healthy, that Augustus was carried thither when he was ill.) [since it is made] a healthy place; and walk upon an open terrace, where lately the melancholy passengers beheld the ground frightful with white bones; though both the thieves and wild beasts accustomed to infest this place, do not occasion me so much care and trouble, as do [these hags], that turn people's minds by their incantations and drugs. These I can not by any means destroy nor hinder, but that they will gather bones and noxious herbs, as soon as the fleeting moon[*](The moon presided over all enchantments, and was believed to be most favorable when in the full, decorum os, because she then infused a stronger spirit into the magical herbs.) has shown her beauteous face.

I myself saw Canidia, with her sable garment tucked up, walk with bare feet and disheveled hair, yelling together with the elder Sagana. Paleness had rendered both of them horrible to behold. They began to claw up the earth with their nails, and to tear a black ewe-lamb to pieces with their teeth.

The blood was poured into a ditch, that thence they might charm out the shades[*](Black victims alone were sacrificed to the infernal gods, nor was any thing supposed more delicious to the souls of the departed than blood. They could not foretell any future events, or answer any questions, until they had drank of it. Ulysses was obliged to draw his sword to frighten them away from the blood he had poured into the trench for Tiresias.) of the dead, ghosts that were to give them answers. There was a woolen effigy[*](The image of wool represented the person they were willing should survive the other represented by that of wax. It is for this reason that the images were made of different materials, that their fates might be different.) too, another of wax: the woolen one larger, which was to inflict punishment on the little one[*](This little figure probably represented Darius, who had forsaken Canidia, as we find in the fifth epode.) The waxen stood in a suppliant posture, as ready to perish in a servile manner. One of the hags invokes Hecate, and the other fell Tisiphone. Then might you see serpents and infernal bitches[*](The serpents were forerunners of Tisiphone, and the bitches foretold that her infernal majesty was coming.) wander about; and the moon with blushes hiding behind the lofty monuments, that she might not be a witness to these doings. But if I lie, even a tittle, may my head be contaminated with the white filth of ravens; and may Julius, and the effeminate Miss Pediatous,[*](Iulius et fragilis Pediatia. We know not who Julius was. Pediatius was an infamous Roman knight, whom Horace, for his effeminacy, calls Pediatia. Thus Aristophanes calls Cleonymus Cleonyma; Sostratus, Sostrata.(Clouds 673 ff.) ) and the knave Voranus, come to water upon me, and befoul me. Why should I mention every particular? viz. in what manner, speaking alternately with Sagana, the ghosts uttered dismal and piercing shrieks; and how by stealth they laid in the earth a wolf's beard, with the teeth of a spotted snake; and how a great blaze flamed forth from the waxen image? And how I was shocked at the voices and actions of these two furies, a spectator however by no means incapable of revenge? For from my cleft body of fig-tree[*](Ficus, i. e. I, an image made of the truncus ficulnus. The heat made the wood crack with a noise, which put the witches to flight.) wood I uttered a loud noise with as great an explosion as a burst bladder. But they ran into the city: and with exceeding laughter and diversion might you have seen Canidia's artificial teeth, and Sagana's towering tete of false hair falling off, and the herbs, and the enchanted bracelets from her arms.

I was accidentally going along the Via Sacra, meditating on some trifle or other, as is my custom, and totally intent upon it. A certain person, known to me by name only, runs up; and, having seized my hand, "How do you do, my dearest fellow?"

"Tolerably well," say I, "as times go; and I wish you every thing you can desire."

When he still followed me; "Would you any thing?"[*](Numquid vis. Donatus tells us in a remark upon a passage in Terence, that it was a polite customary manner of speaking among the Romans, that they might not seem to take their leave too abruptly, to say at parting, "numquid vis?" as in modern phrase, "have you any commands?" "Abituri, ne id dure facerent, ‘numquid vis’ dicebant his, quibuscum constitissent." ) said I to him.

But, "You know me," says he: "I am a man of learning."

"Upon that account," says I: "you will have more of my esteem." Wanting sadly to get away from him, sometimes I walked on apace, now and then I stopped, and I whispered something to my boy. When the sweat ran down to the bottom of my ankles. 0, said I to myself, Bolanus,[*](Bolanus was a very irritable person. Horace then pronounces him cerebri felicem; for were he but in this fellow's company, he would break out into a storm of passion that would drive him away. It appears more humorous to suppose him a heavy, stupid person, so apathetic that not even this fellow would annoy him. Similarly Demea in Terent. Adelph. v. 5, exclaims, fortunatus, qui istoc animo sies; | Ego sentio. Bolanus was a surname of the Vettii derived from Bola, a town of the AEqui.Celebri felicem. Thus μακαρίζω σε τῆς παρρησίας, and Virg. Geor. i 277,felices operum dies. ) how happy were you in a headpiece!

Meanwhile he kept prating on any thing that came uppermost, praised the streets, the city; and, when I made him no answer; "You want terribly," said he "to get away; I perceived it long ago; but you effect nothing. I shall still stick close to you; I shall follow you hence: where are you at present bound for?"

"There is no need for your being carried so much about: I want to see a person, who is unknown to you: he lives a great way off across the Tiber, just by Caesar's gardens."

"I have nothing to do, and I am not lazy; I will attend you thither." I hang down my ears like an ass of surly disposition, when a heavier load than ordinary is put upon his back.

He begins again: "If I am tolerably acquainted with myself, you will not esteem Viscus or Varius as a friend, more than me; for who can write more verses, or in a shorter time than I? Who can move his limbs with softer grace [in the dance]? And then I sing, so that even Hermogenes may envy."

Here there was an opportunity of interrupting him. "Have you a mother, [or any] relations that are interested in your welfare?"

"Not one have I; I have buried them all."

"Happy they! now I remain. Dispatch me: for the fatal moment is at hand, which an old Sabine sorceress, having shaken her divining urn,[*](The divination was performed in this manner. A number of letters and entire words were thrown into an urn and shaken together. When they were well mixed, they were poured out, and if any thing intelligible appeared in them, from thence the witch formed her divination and answers.) foretold when I was a boy; ‘This child, neither shall cruel poison, nor the hostile sword, nor pleurisy, nor cough, nor the crippling gout destroy: a babbler shall one day demolish him; if he be wise, let him avoid talkative people, as soon as he comes to man's estate.’"