Dialogi mortuorum

Menippus And who are your friends?

Socrates Charmides; Phaedrus; the son of Clinias.

Menippus Ha, ha! still at your old trade; still an admirer of beauty.

Socrates How could I be better occupied? Will you join us?

Menippus No, thank you; I am off, to take up my quarters by Croesus and Sardanapalus. I expect huge entertainment from their outcries.

Aeacus I must be off, too; or some one may escape. You shall see the rest another day, Menippus.

Menippus I need not detain you. I have seen enough.

Menippus My dear coz—for Cerberus and Cynic are surely related through the dog—I adjure you by the Styx, tell me how Socrates behaved during the descent. A God like you can doubtless articulate instead of barking, if he chooses.

Cerberus Well, while he was some way off, he seemed quite unshaken; and I thought he was bent on letting the people outside realize the fact too. Then he passed into the opening and saw the gloom; I at the same time gave him a touch of the hemlock, and a pull by the leg, as he was rather slow. Then he squalled like a baby, whimpered about his children, and, oh, I don’t know what he didn’t do.

Menippus So he was one of the theorists, was he? his indifference was a sham?

Cerberus Yes; it was only that he accepted the inevitable, and put a bold face on it, pretending to welcome the universal fate, by way of impressing the bystanders. All that sort are the same, I tell you—bold resolute fellows as far as the entrance; it is inside that the real test comes.

Menippus What did you think of my performance?

Cerberus Ah, Menippus, you were the exception; you are a credit to the breed, and so was Diogenes before you. You two came in without any compulsion or pushing, of your own free will, with a laugh for yourselves and a curse for the rest.

Charon Your fare, you rascal.

Menippus Bawl away, Charon, if it gives you any pleasure.

Charon I brought you across: give me my fare.

Menippus I can’t, if I haven’t got it.

Charon And who is so poor that he has not got a penny?

Menippus I for one; I don’t know who else.

Charon Pay: or, by Pluto, I'll strangle you.

Menippus And Pll crack your skull with this stick.

Charon So you are to come all that way for nothing?

Menippus Let Hermes pay for me: he put me on board.