Deipnosophistae

But Posidonius, in the third, and also in the twentieth book of his Histories, says—

The Celtæ sometimes have single combats at their entertainments. For being collected in arms, they go through the exercise, and make feints at, and sometimes they even go so far as to wound one another. And being irritated by this, if the bystanders do not stop them, they will proceed even to kill one another. But in olden times,

he continues,

there was a custom that a hind quarter of pork was put on the table, and the bravest man took it; and if any one else laid claim to it, then the two rose up to fight till one of them was slain. And other men in the theatre having received some silver or gold money, and some even for a number of earthen vessels full of wine, having taken pledges that the gifts promised shall really be given, and having distributed them among their nearest connexions, have laid themselves down on doors with their faces upwards, and then allowed some bystander to cut their throats with a sword.

And Euphorion the Chalcidian, in his Historical Memorials, writes as follows—

But among the Romans it is common for five mine to be offered to any one who chooses to

v.1.p.249

take it, to allow his head to be cut off with an axe, so that his heirs might receive the reward: and very often many have returned their names as willing, so that there has been a regular contest between them as to who had the best right to be beaten to death.

And Hermippus, in the first book of his treatise on Lawgivers, asserts that the Mantineans were the original inventors of men to fight in single combat, and that Demonax, one of their citizens, was the original suggestor of such a course; and that the Cyreneans were the next to follow their example. And Ephorus, in the sixth book of his History, says —"The Mantineans and Arcadians were in the habit of practising warlike exercises; and even to this day they call the military dress and the ancient fashion of arming the Mantinean, as having been invented by that people. And in addition to this, the exercises of single combat were first invented in Mantinea, Demeas being the original author of the invention. And that the custom of single combatants was an ancient one, Aristophanes shows, when he speaks thus in his Phœnisse—

1. And on the heroes twain, the sons of Œdipus,
2. Has savage Mars descended; and they now
3. Seek the arena dread of single combat.

And the word μονόμαχος appears not to be derived from the noun μάχη, but rather from the verb μάχεσθαι. For as often as a word compounded of μάχη ends in ος, as in the words σύμμαχος, πρωτόμαχος, ἐπίμαχος, ἀντίμαχος, and the φιλόμαχος race of Perseus, spoken of by Pindar, then it is acuted on the antepenultima; but when it has the acute accent on the penultima, then the verb μάχεσθαι comes in; as is shown in the words πυγμάχος, ναυμάχος; in the expression αὐτόν σε πυλαμάχε πρῶτον, in Stesichorus; and the noun ὁπλομάχος, τειχομάχος, πυργομάχος. But Posidippus the comic writer, in his Pornoboscus, says—

1. The man who never went to sea has never shipwreck 'd been,
2. But we have been more miserable than μονομαχοῦντες (gladiators in single combat).

And that even men of reputation and captains fought in single combat, and did so in accordance with premeditated challenges, we have already said in other parts of this discussion. And Diyllus the Athenian says, in the ninth book of his Histories, that Cassander, when returning from Bœotia, after he had buried the king and queen at Aegæ, and with them Cynna the mother of Eurydice, and had paid them all the other honours to which they were entitled, celebrated also a show of single combats, and four of the soldiers entered the arena on that occasion.

But Demetrius the Scepsian, in the twelfth book of Trojan Array, says,

that at the court of Antiochus the king, who was surnamed the Great, not only did the friends of the king dance in arms at his entertainments, but even the king himself did so. And when the turn to dance came to Hegesianax the Alexandrian from the Troas, who wrote the Histories, he rose up and said—' Do you wish, O king, to see me dance badly, or would you prefer hearing me recite my own poems very well?' Accordingly, being ordered rather to recite his poems, he sang the praises of the king in such a manner, that he was thought worthy of payment, and of being ranked as one of the king's friends for the time to come. But Duris the Samian, in the seventeenth book of his Histories, says that Polysperchon, though a very old man, danced whenever he was drunk,—a man who was inferior to no one of the Macedonians, either as a commander or in respect of his general reputation: but still that he put on a saffron robe and Sicyonian sandals, and kept on dancing a long time.

But Agatharchides the Cnidian, in the eighth book of his History of Asia, relates that the friends of Alexander the son of Philip once gave an entertainment to the king, and gilded all the sweetmeats which were to be served up in the second course. And when they wanted to eat any of them, they took off the gold and threw that away with all the rest which was not good to eat, in order that their friends might be spectators of their sumptuousness, and their servants might become masters of the gold. But they forget that, as Duris also relates, Philip the father of Alexander, when he had a golden cup which was fifty drachmas in weight, always took it to bed with him, and always slept with it at his head. And Seleucus says,

that some of the Thracians at their drinking parties play the game of hanging; and fix a round noose to some high place, exactly beneath which they place a stone which is easily turned round when any one stands upon it; and then they cast lots, and he who

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draws the lot, holding a sickle in his hand, stands upon the stone, and puts his neck into the halter; and then another person comes and raises the stone, and the man who is suspended, when the stone moves from under him, if he is not quick enough in cutting the rope with his sickle, is killed; and the rest laugh, thinking his death good sport.

This is what I had to say, my friends and messmates, O men far the first of all the Greeks, being what I know concerning the banquets of the ancients. But Plato the philosopher, in the first book of his treatise on the Laws of Banquets, speaks in this manner, describing the whole matter with the greatest accuracy—

And you would never see any where in the country or in the cities which are under the dominion of Lacedæmon, any drinking parties, nor any of their accompaniments, which are calculated to excite as much pleasure as possible. Nor is there any one who would not at once impose as heavy a fine as possible on any one whom he met carrying his revely to the degree of drunkenness; and he would not even excuse him if he had the pretext of the Dionysiac festival of Bacchus. As I have known to be the case among you, in the case of men carried in carriages, and at Tarentum among our own colonists, where I have seen the whole city drunk at the time of the Dionysiac festival. But at Lacedæmon nothing of the sort ever takes place.

And Cynulcus said on this,—I only wish that you had played at that Thracian game and been hanged yourself. For you have kept us in suspense till we are almost famished, as if we were waiting for the rising star, till which arises, those who have invented this beautiful philosophy say that it is unlawful to taste of any food at all. But I, wretched man that I am, according, to the words of Diphilus the coming poet—

1. Am almost become a mullet from the extremity of hunger.

And you yourselves also have forgotten those admirable verses of the poet, who said—

1. For it is not a bad thing to eat supper at a proper season.

And the admirable Aristophanes has said in his Cocalus—

1. But it is now, O father, altogether noon,
2. When it is right for the young men to sup.

But for me it would be much better to sup as the men are represented as supping in the banquet given by Parmeniscus the Cynic,—than to come hither and see everything carried round us as if we all had fevers. And when we laughed at this, one of us said,—-But my most excellent fellow, do not grudge giving us the account of that Parmeniscean banquet. And he, raising himself up, said—

1. I swear to you most solemnly, my friends,

according to the words of the sweet Antiphanes, who, in the Woman given in Marriage, said—

1. I swear to you, O men, by the god himself,
2. From whom the joys of drunkenness and wine
3. Do come to mortal men, that I prefer
4. This happy life which here is mine at present,
5. To all the splendid pomp of king Seleucus.
6. 'Tis sweet to eat e'en lentils without fear,
7. But sad to sleep on down in daily terror.

But Parmeniscus began in this manner—"Parmeniscus to Molpis, greeting,—As I have often in my conversations with you talked about illustrious invitations and entertainments, I am afraid lest you should labour under such a plethora as to blame me; on which account I wish to make you a partaker in the feast which was given by Cebes of Cyzicus. Therefore, having first taken a drink of hyssop, come at the proper hour to the feast. For at the time when the festival of Bacchus was being celebrated at Athens, I went to sup with him; and I found six Cynics sitting at table, and one dogleader, Carneus the Megarian. But, as the supper was delayed, a discussion arose, what water is the sweetest. And while some were praising the water of Lerna, and some that of Pirene, Carneus, imitating Philoxenus, said—That is the best water which is poured over our hands. So then when the tables were laid we went to supper,

1. And much pulse porridge then we ate, but more did still flow in.

Then again lentils were brought on the table steeped in vinegar; and that child of Jupiter laid his hands on them and said—

1. Jove, may the man who made these lentils grow,
2. Never escape thy notice or thy memory.

And then some one else immediately cried out—

1. May a lentil deity and a lentil fate seize you.

But to me may there be, according to the words of the comic poet Diphilus, which he uses in his Peliades—

1. A. A flowery supper very sumptuous,
2. A bowl quite lull of pulse for every man.
3. B. That first part is not flowery.
4. A. After that
5. Let a saperdes dance into the middle,
6. A little strong to smell.
7. B. That is a flower
8. Which soon will drive the thrushes all away.

And as a great laugh arose, immediately that spoon of the theatre Melissa came in, and that dogfly Nicium, each of them being a courtesan of no small renown: and so they, looking on what was set upon the table and admiring it, laughed. And Nicium said,—Is not there one of all you men so proud of your beards that eats fish? Is it because your ancestor Meleager the Gadarean, in his poem entitled the Graces, said that Homer, being a Syrian by birth, represented the ancients as abstaining from fish in accordance with the custom of his own country, although there was a great abundance of them in the Hellespont? Or have you ever read that one treatise of his which embraces a comparison between peas and lentilsfor I see that you have made a great preparation of lentils. And when I see it, I should advise you, according to the rules of Antisthenes the pupil of Socrates, to relieve yourselves of life if you stick to such food as this. And Carneus replied to her—Euxitheus the Pythagorean, O Nicium, as Clearchus the Peripatetic tells us, in the second book of his Lives, said that the souls of all men were bound in the body, and in the life which is on earth, for the sake of punishment; and that God has issued an edict that if they do not remain there until he voluntarily releases them himself, they shall fall into more numerous and more important calamities. On which account all me, being afraid of those threatenings of the gods, fear to depart from life by their own act, but only gladly welcome death when he comes in old age, trusting that that deliverance of the soul then takes place with the full consent of those who have the power to sanction it. And this doctrine we ourselves believe. But I have no objection, replied she, to your selecting one of three evils, if you please. For do you not know, O retched men, that these heavy kinds of food shut in the dominant principle of the soul, and do not allow wisdom to exist unimpaired in it?

Accordingly Theopompus, in the fifth book of his History of the Actions of Philip, says—

For to eat much, and to eat meat, takes away the reasoning powers, and makes the intel- lect slower, and fills a man with anger, and harshness, and all sorts of folly.

And the admirable Xenophon says, that it is sweet to a hungry man to eat barley-cakes and cardamums, and sweet to a thirsty man to draw water out of the river and drink it. But Socrates was often caught walking in the depth of evening up and down before his house; and to those who asked him what he was doing there, he used to reply that he was getting a relish for supper. But we shall be satisfied with whatever portion we receive from you, and we are not angry as if we received less than we ought, like the Hercules in Anticlides. For he says, in the second book of his Returns—

After Hercules had accomplished his labours, when Eurystheus was solemnizing some sacrificial feast, he also was invited. And when the sons of Eurystheus were setting before each one of the company his proper portion, but placing a meaner one before Hercules, Hercules, thinking that he was being treated with indignity, slew three of the sons, Perimedes, Eurybius, and Eurypylus.

But we are not so irascible, even though in all other points we are imitators of Hercules.

1. For lentils are a tragic food,

said Archagathus . . . . to have written; which also

1. Orestes ate when he had recover'd from his sickness,

as Sophilus the comic writer says. But it is a Stoic doctrine, that the wise man will do everything well, and will be able to cook even lentils cleverly. On which account Timon the Phliasian said—

1. And a man who knows not how to cook a lentil wisely.

As if a lentil could not be boiled in any other way except ac- cording to the precepts of Zeno, who said—

1. Add to the lentils a twelfth part of coriander.

And Crates the Theban said—

1. Do not prefer a dainty dish to lentils,
2. And so cause factious quarrels in our party.'

And Chrysippus, in his treatise on the Beautiful, quoting some apophthegms to us, says—

1. Eat not an olive when you have a nettle;
2. But take in winter lentil-macaroni—
3. Bah! bah!
4. Lentil-macaroni's like ambrosia in cold weather.

And the witty Aristophanes said, in his Gerytades—

1. You're teaching him to boil porridge or lentils.

And, in his Amphiaraus—

1. You who revile the lentil, best of food.

And Epicharmus says, in his Dionysi—

1. And then a dish of lentils was boil'd up.

And Antiphanes says, in his Women like one another—

1. Things go on well. Do you now boil some lentils,
2. Or else at least now teach me who you are.

And I know that a sister of Ulysses, the most prudent and wisest of men, was called φακῆ (lentil), the same whom some other writers call Callisto, as Mnaseas of Patra relates, in the third book of his History of the Affairs of Europe, and as Lysimachus also tells us, in the third book of his Returns.

And when Plutarch had burst into a violent fit of laughter at this, the Cynic, who could not endure to have his extensive learning on the subject of lentils disregarded, said— "But all you fine gentlemen from Alexandria, O Plutarch, are fed from your childhood on lentils; and your whole city is full of things made of lentils: which are mentioned by Sopater the lentil parodist, in his drama entitled Bacchis, where he speaks as follows:—

1. I could not bear to eat a common loaf,
2. Seeing a large high brazen pile of lentils.

For, what is there of which mortals have need, (according to your own idol, Euripides, O you most learned of men,) except two things only,

1. The corn of Ceres and a draught of water?
2. And they are here, and able to support us.
3. But we are not with plenty such as this
4. Contented, but are slaves to luxury
5. And such contrivances of other food.

And in another place that dramatic philosopher says—

1. The moderate fare shall me content
2. Of a plain modest table;
3. And I will never seek nor e'en admit
4. Whatever is out of season and superfluous.

And Socrates said that he differed from other men in this, that they lived that they might eat, but he ate that he might live. And Diogenes said to those who accused him of scratching himself,—I wish I could scratch my stomach, so as to rub all poverty and want out of it. And Euripides, in his Suppliant Women, says of Capaneus—

1. This man is Capancus, a man who had
2. Abundant riches, but no pride therefrom
3. Lodged in his, more than in a poor man's bosom.
4. But those who boasted of their luxury
5. He blamed, and praised the contented spirit.
6. For virtue did not, as he said, consist
7. In eating richly, but in moderation.

Capaneus was not, as it seems, such as the honest Chrysippus describes, in his treatise On those things which are not eligible for their own sakes. For he speaks in this manner: —

Some men apply themselves with such eagerness to the pursuit of money, that it is even related, that a man once, when near his end, swallowed a number of pieces of gold, and so died. Another person sewed a quantity of money into a tunic, and put it on, and then ordered his servants to bury him in that dress, neither burning his body, nor stripping it and laying it out.

For these men and all like them may almost be said, as they die, to cry out—

1. Oh gold, the choicest of all gifts to men!
2. For no fond mother does such raptures know,
3. Nor children in the house, nor any father,
4. Such as do flow from you, and are enjoy'd
5. By those who own you. If like yours the face
6. Of Venus, when she rose up from the sea,
7. No wonder that she has ten thousand lovers.

Such great thirst for money was there among the men of that time, concerning which Anacharsis, when some one asked him what the Greeks used money for? said, To count with. But Diogenes, in his treatise on Polity, proposed to establish a law that bits of bone should be taken as coins; and well too has Euripides said—

1. Speak not of wealth; that god I worship not,
2. Who comes with ease into a bad man's power.

And Chrysippus, in his elementary work, which is entitled, A Treatise on Good and Evil Things, says that "a certain young man from Ionia came to sojourn at Athens, clothed in a purple robe having golden fringes; and when some one asked of him what countryman he was, he replied that he was rich. And, perhaps, it may be the very same person whom Alexis mentions in his Thebans, where he says—

1. A. But from what country does this person come?
2. B. From Richland; and by general consent
3. The natives of that land are counted noble;
4. Nor can one find a noble beggar anywhere.

When Cynulcus had said this, and when no one applauded him, he got out of temper; and said,—But since these men, O you master of the feast, are made so uncomfortable by a Diarrhœa of words as to feel no hunger; or perhaps, it may be that they laugh at what is said about lentils, (having in their mind what is said by Pherecrates, in his Coriander—

1. A. Come now, I'll sit me down; and bring me here,
2. O slave, a table, and a cup of wine,
3. That I may eat to flavour what I drink.
4. B. Here is a cup, a table, and some lentils.
5. A. No lentils bring to me, I like them not:
6. For if one eats them, they do taint the breath.)—

Since then, on this account, these wise men guard against the lentils, at all events cause some bread to be given to us, with a little plain food; no expensive dishes, but any of those vulgar lentils, if you have them, or what is called lentil soup. And when every one laughed, especially at the idea of the lentil soup, he said, You are very ignorant men, you feasters, never having read any books, which are the only things to instruct those who desire what is good. I mean the books of the Silli of Timon the Pyrrhonian. For he it is who speaks of lentil soup, in the second book of his Silli, writing as follows:—

1. The Teian barley-cakes do please me not,
2. Nor e'en the Lydian sauces: but the Greeks,
3. And their dry lentil soup, delight me more
4. Than all that painful luxury of excess.

For though the barley-cakes of Teos are preeminently good, (as also are those from Eretria, as Sopater says, in his Suitors of Bacchis, where he says—

1. We came to Eretria, for its white meal famed;)

and also, the Lydian sauces; still Timon prefers the lentil soup to both of them put together.

To this our admirable entertainer, Laurentius himself, replied, saying,—O you men who drive the dogs, according to

the Jocasta of Strattis, the comic poet, who in the play entitled The Phœnician Women, is represented as saying—

1. I wish to give you both some good advice:
2. When you boil lentils, pour no perfume o'er them.

And Sopater, too, whom you were mentioning just now, in his Descent to Hell, speaks in these terms:—

1. Ulysses, king of Ithaca—'Tis perfume
2. On lentils thrown: courage, my noble soul!

And Clearchus the Peripatetic philosopher, in his treatise on Proverbs, gives the saying,

Perfume thrown on lentils;

as a proverb which my grandfather Varro also mentions, he, I mean, who was nicknamed Menippius. And many of the Roman grammarians, who have not had much intercourse with many Greek poets or historians, do not know where it is that Varro got his Iambic from. But you seem to me, O Cynulcus, (for you delight in that name, not using the name by which your mother has called you from your birth,) according to your friend Timon, to be a noble and great man, not knowing that the lentil soup obtained mention from the the former Epicharmus, in his Festival, and in his Islands, and also from Antiphanes the comic poet; who, using the diminutive form, has spoken of it in his Wedding, under the following form of expression—

1. A little lentil soup (κόγχιον), a slice of sausage.

And Magnus immediately taking up the conversation, said,— The most universally excellent Laurentius has well and cleverly met this hungry dog on the subject of the lentil soup. But I, like to the Galatians of the Paphian Sopater, among whom it is a custom whenever they have met with any eminent success in war to sacrifice their prisoners to the gods,—

1. I too, in imitation of those men,
2. Have vow'd a fiery sacrifice to the gods—
3. Three of these secretly enroll'd logicians.
4. And now that I have heard your company
5. Philosophise and argue subtlely,
6. Persisting firmly, I will bring a test,
7. A certain proof of all your arguments:
8. First smoking you. And if then any one
9. When roasted shrinks and draws away his leg,
10. He shall be sold to Zeno for his master
11. For transportation, as bereft of wisdom.

For I will speak freely to them. If you are so fond of

contentment, O philosopher, why do you not admire those dis- ciples of Pythagoras, concerning whom Antiphanes says, in his Monuments—

1. Some miserable Pythagoreans came
2. Gnawing some salt food in a deep ravine,
3. And picking up such refuse in a wallet.

And in the play which is especially entitled the Wallet, he says—

1. First, like a pupil of Pythagoras,
2. He eats no living thing, but peels some husks
3. Of barley which he's bought for half an obol,
4. Discolour'd dirty husks, and those he eats.

And Alexis says, in his Tarentines—

1. For, as we hear, the pupils of Pythagoras
2. Eat no good meat nor any living thing,
3. And they alone of men do drink no wine.
4. But Epicharides will bitches eat;
5. The only one of all the sect; but then
6. He kills them first, and says they are not living.

And proceeding a little further, he says—

1. A. Shreds of Pythagoras and subtleties
2. And well-fill'd thoughts are their sufficient food.
3. Their daily meals are these-a simple loaf
4. To every man, and a pure cup of water.
5. And this is all.
6. B. You speak of prison fare.
7. A. This is the way that all the wise men live.
8. These are the hardships that they all endure.
9. B. Where do they live in such a way?
10. A. Yet they procure
11. Dainties after their sort for one another;
12. Know you not Melanippides and Phaon,
13. Phyromachus and Phanus are companions?
14. And they together sup on each fifth day
15. On one full cotyla of wheaten meal.

And, in his Female Pythagorean, he says—

1. A. The banquet shall be figs and grapes and cheese,
2. For these the victims are which the strict law
3. Allows Pythagoras' sect to sacrifice.
4. B. By Jove, as fine a sacrifice as possible.

And a few lines afterwards, he says—

1. One must for a short time, my friend, endure
2. Hunger, and dirt, and cold, and speechlessness,
3. And sullen frowns, and an unwashen face.

But you, my philosophical friends, practise none of these things. But what is far worse than any of them, you talk

about what you do not in the least understand; and, as if you were eating in an orderly manner, you take in mouthfuls like the man in that sweet poet Antiphanes; for he says, in his Runaway Slave-catcher— Taking a moderate mouthful, small outside, But large within his hand, as women do. And in the same way you eat a great deal and eat very fast; when it is in your power, according to the words of the same poet which he uses in the Thombycius,

to buy for a single drachma food well suited to you, such as garlic, cheese, onions, and capers; for all these only cost a drachma.

And Aristophanes says, in his Pythagoreans—

1. What? do we think, I ask you in God's name,
2. That these philosophers of olden time,
3. The pupils of Pythagoras, went thus
4. In dirt and rags all of their own accord?
5. I don't believe one word of such a thing.
6. No; they were forced to do so, as they had not
7. A single farthing to buy clothes or soap.
8. And then they made a merit of economy,
9. And laid down rules, most splendid rules for beggars.
10. But only put before them fish or meat;
11. And if they do not their own fingers bite
12. For very eagerness, I will be bound
13. To let you hang me ten times over.

And it is not foreign to the present discussion to mention an epigram which was made with reference to you, which Hegesander the Delphian has quoted, in the sixth book of his Commentaries—

1. Men drawing up your eyebrows, and depressing
2. Your scornful nostrils till they reach the chin,
3. Wearing your beards in sacks, strippers of dishes,
4. Wearing your cloak outside, with unshod feet
5. Looking like oil, and eating stealthily
6. Like hungry vagrants 'neath night's friendly cover,
7. Cheaters of youth, spouters of syllables,
8. Pretenders to vain wisdom, but pretending
9. To make your only object Virtue's self.

But Archestratus of Gela, in his treatise on Gastronomy, (which is the only poetical composition which you wise men admire; following Pythagoras in this doctrine alone, namely silence, and doing this only because of your want of words; and besides that, you profess to think well of the Art of Love of Sphodrias the Cynic, and the Amatory Conversation of Protagorides, and the Convivial Dialogues of that beautiful

philosopher Persæus, compiled out of the Commentaries of Stilpon and Zeno, in which he inquires, How one may guard against guests at a banquet going to sleep; and, How one ought to use drinking of healths; and, When one ought to introduce beautiful boys and girls into a banquet; and when one ought to treat them well as if they were admired, and when one ought to send them away as disregarding them; and also, concerning various kinds of cookery, and concerning loaves, and other things; and all the over-subtle discussions in which the son of Sophroniscus has indulged concerning kissing. A philosopher who was continually exercising his intellect on such investigations as these, being entrusted, as Hermippus relates, with the citadel of Corinth by Antigonus, got drunk and lost even Corinth itself, being outwitted and defeated by Aratus the Sicyonian; who formerly had argued in his Dialogues against Zeno the philosopher, contending that a wise man would in every respect be a good general; and this excellent pupil of Zeno proved this especial point admirably by his own achievements. For it was a witty saying of Bion the Borysthenite, when he saw a brazen statue of his, on which was the inscription, PERSEUS OF CITIUM, THE PUPIL OF ZENO, that the man who engraved the inscription had made a blunder, for that it ought to have been, Persæus the servant (οἰκιτίεα not κιτίεα) of Zeno; for he had been born a slave of Zeno, as Nicias of Nicæa relates, in his History of Philosophers; and this is confirmed by Sotion the Alexandrian, in his Successions. And I have met with two books of that admirable work of Persæus, which have this title,

Convivial Dialogues.

But Ctesibius the Chalcidian, the friend of Menedemus, as Antigonus the Carystian relates in his Lives, being asked by somebody, What he had ever got by philosophy? replied, The power of getting a supper without contributing to it himself. On which account Timon somewhere or other said to him—

1. Oh you mad dinner hunter, with the eyes
2. Of a dead corpse, and heart both bold and shameless

And Ctesibius was a man who made very good guesses, and was a very witty man, and a sayer of amusing things; on which account every one used to invite him to their parties; he was not a man like you, you Cynic, who never sacrificed to the Graces, nor even to the Muses. And therefore Virtue avoiding you, and all like you, sits by Pleasure, as Mnasalces the Sicyonian says, in his Epigrams—

1. Here I most miserable Virtue sit
2. By Pleasure's side, and cut my hair for grief,
3. Crnsh'd in my spirit; for profane Delight
4. Is judged by all my better, and my chief.

And Baton the comic writer says in his Homicide—

1. Now I invite those moderate philosophers,
2. Who ne'er allow themselves a single pleasure,
3. Who keep on looking for the one wise man
4. In all their walks and conversations,
5. As if he were a slave who'd run away.
6. O wretched man, why, when you have a ticket,
7. Will you refuse to drink? Why dost thou now
8. Do so much wrong to the Gods? why dost thou make
9. Money of greater value than the rate
10. Which nature puts on it? You drink but water,
11. And so must be a worthless citizen;
12. For so you cheat the farmer and the merchant;
13. But I by getting drunk increase their trade.
14. Then you at early dawn bear round a cruet,
15. Seeking for oil, so that a man must think
16. You have an hour-glass with you, not a bottle.)

However, Archestratus, as I was saying before this long digression, whom you praise as equal to Homer, because of his praises of the stomach—though your friend Timon says of the stomach,

1. Than which no part more shameless can be found—

when speaking of the Sea-dog, writes as follows:—

1. There are but few so happy as to know
2. This godlike food, nor do men covet it
3. Who have the silly souls of common mortals.
4. They fear because it is an animal
5. Which living preys on man. But every fish
6. Loves human flesh, if it can meet with it.
7. So that 'tis fit that all who talk such nonsense
8. Should be confined to herbs, and should be sent
9. To Diodorus the philosopher
10. And starve, and so pythagorize with him.

But this Diodorus was by birth an Aspendian; but desiring to be thought a Pythagorean, he lived after the fashion of you Cynics, letting his hair grow, being dirty, and going barefoot. On which account some people fancied that it was an article of the Pythagorean creed to let the hair grow, which was in reality a fashion introduced by Diodorus, as Hermippus asserts. But Timæus of Tauromenium, in the ninth book of his Histories, writes thus concerning him- "Diodorus, who was by birth an Aspendian, introduced a novel fashion of dress, and pretended to resemble the Pythagoreans. Stratonicus wrote and sent a messenger to him, desiring him who carried the message to seek out a disciple of Pythagoras who kept the portico crowded by his insane vagaries about dress, and his insolence. And Sosicrates, in the third book of the Succession of Philosophers, relates that Diodorus used to wear a long beard, and a worn-out cloak, and to keep his hair long, indulging in these fashions out of a vain ostentation. For that the Pythagoreans before him wore very handsome clothes, and used baths, and perfumes, and hair of the ordinary length.

And if you in reality, O philosopher, do admire contentment and moderation in your feasts, why is it that you have come hither without being invited? Did you come as to a house of intemperance, in order to learn to make a Catalogue of a cook's instruments? or in order to spout some verses of Cepholion the Athenian? For according to the Cedalion of Sophocles, you are

1. A branded lot, all knaves and parasites.

And he says that you philosophers always have your minds set upon banquets; and that you think it constantly necessary to ask for something to eat or to devour some Cynic food. For there is no need for our picking our phrases. And all this is plain from what Alexis relates in this book which is entitled Linus: and in that he supposes Hercules to have been educated by Linus, and to have been ordered by him to select any one out of a number of books that were at hand to read. And he having taken a cookery-book in his hand, retained it with great eagerness. And Linus then speaks to him in the following terms—

1. Lin. Come here, and take whatever book you please,
2. And read it carefully, when you have scann'd
3. The titles, and the subjects well consider'd.
4. There's Orpheus here, and Hesiod, and plays,
5. Choerilus, Homer, Epicharmus too,
6. All sorts of works. For thus your choice will show me
7. Your nature, and your favourite pursuit.
8. Her. I will take this.
9. Lin. First show me what it is.
10. Her. A cookery book, as says the title-page.
v.1.p.264
11. Lin. You're a philosopher, that's very plain,
12. Who passing over all these useful books,
13. Choose out the art of Simus.
14. Her. Who is Simus
15. Lin. A very clever man; now he has turn'd
16. To tragic studies; and of all the actors
17. Is, the most skilful cook, as those who eat
18. His dishes do declare. And of all cooks
19. By far the cleverest actor.
20. Her. He's a man
21. Of noble appetite; say what you wish;
22. For be of this assured, that I am hungry.

When Magnus had run through these quotations, Cynulcus, looking at the philosophers who were present, said—

1. Have you seen the Thasian brine,[*](The term ἅλμη, brine, seems used here of a troublesome fellow; something in the same spirit as we call a person a pickle. ) and heard how he does bark?
2. How speedily the fellow did revenge himself, and thoroughly;
3. It does not seem a case of one blind speaking to a deaf man:

as Cratinus says, in his Archilochi. For he, forgetting before what a tribunal he was making an exhibition of his fine iambics, read his colabri with his natural greediness, and at the same time with his usual elegance of expression, and

1. Melodies out of time, and tuneless cymbals:

and after all this fine ignorant stupidity, he goes round to people's houses, seeking out where any handsome banquet is prepared, carrying his conduct to a length even beyond the Athenian Chærephon, of whom Alexis says in his Fugitive—

1. That Chærephon has always got some trick,
2. And now he's looking for some feast to share
3. Where he himself will not be call'd upon
4. For any contribution. For wheresoever
5. A pot, such as is let to cooks, does stand,
6. Thither he goeth at the earliest dawn;
7. And if he sees one come to hire it
8. For any feast, he asks the cook the name
9. Of him who gives the feast, and then as soon
10. As the door opens, in he walks the first.

But this man has no hesitation, like the excellent Magnus, even to make excursions quite beyond the boundaries for the sake of his stomach, as Alexis said in his Men who Died together—

1. Chærephon comes to Corinth for a supper,
2. Though he has never had an invitation;
3. But still he flies across the sea, so sweet
4. It is to eat of what another pays for.

And Theopompus, in his Ulysses, says—

1. Well said Euripides, "It is not bad
2. For a rich man to dine at other's cost."

And when all laughed at this, Ulpian said, Whence do the voluptuaries who talk so loosely get all their elegance of expression? And Cynulcus replied, But, O you well-seasoned little pig, Phrynichus the Cynic poet, in his Ephiates, mentions

the elegant speaker

in these terms:—

1. Is is the hardest work of all to guard against such men;
2. For they do carry always at their finger's end a sting,
3. The misanthropic flower of youth; and then they fawn on all
4. With carefully selected sweetness of expression,
5. Always the forum haunting when the citizens are seated;
6. And then they lacerate with wounds severe and unexpected
7. Those whom they have been fawning on, and hide themselves and laugh.

And the word χαριτογλωσσεῖν (to speak so as to please) is used by Aeschylus in the Prometheus Vinctus—

1. You shall know this for true; nor is it mine
2. χαριτογλωσσεῖν.

And when Ulpian said again, But what, my friends, is meant by cooks' instruments? for these things were mentioned, and were thought worthy of being enumerated in the Arcadian banquets: and also where is the word ἀσώτιον (abode of luxury) to be found? For I know that the adjective ἄσωτος is common enough. And Alexis speaks of a luxurious extravagant man in his Cnidia, saying—

1. Diodorus, most extravagant of men,
2. In two brief years did make his patrimony
3. Into a football, with such headlong speed
4. Did he devour everything.

And again, in the Phædrus, he says—

1. You tell me of a very slow proceeding;
2. For in five days the little Epicharides
3. Made ducks and drakes of all his father's property,
4. So quickly and entirely did he swallow it.