In the following conversation I
thought he gave instruction for testing the qualities that make a
man’s friendship worth winning.Tell me, Critobulus, he said, if we wanted a good friend, how should we start on
the quest? Should we seek first for one who is no slave to
eating and drinking, lust, sleep, idleness? For the thrall of
these masters cannot do his duty by himself or his
friend.No, of course not.Then you think we should avoid one
who is subject to them?I do, certainly.
Now what about
the spendthrift who is never satisfied, who is always appealing
to his neighbours for help, if he receives something, makes no
return, if he receives nothing, resents it? Don’t you think he
too is a troublesome friend?Certainly.Then we must avoid him
too?We must indeed.
Again, what about
the skilful man of business who is eager to make money, and
consequently drives a hard bargain, who likes to receive but is
disinclined to repay?So far as I see, he is even worse than the
last.
And what of the
man who is such a keen man of business that he has no leisure
for anything but the selfish pursuit of gain?We must avoid him too, I
think. There is no profit in knowing him.And what of the
quarrelsome person who is willing to provide his friends with
plenty of enemies?We must shun him too, of course.Suppose that a man is
free from all these faults, but stoops to receive kindness with
no thought of returning it?There is no profit in him either. But what
are the qualities for which we shall try to win a man’s
friendship,
Socrates?The opposite of these, I
suppose.
We shall look for one who controls his
indulgence in the pleasures of the body, who is truly
hospitableOr εὔνους, loyal,
or εὔορκος, scrupulous,
a man of his word.
and fair in
his dealings and eager to do as much for his benefactors as he
receives from them, so that he is worth knowing.
Then how can we
test these qualities,
Socrates, before
intimacy begins?What test do we apply to a sculptor? We don’t
judge by what he says, but we look at his statues, and if we see
that the works he has already produced are beautiful, we feel
confident that his future works will be as good.
You mean that
anyone whose good works wrought upon his old friends are
manifest will clearly prove a benefactor to new friends
also?Yes; for when I find that an owner of horses has been in the
habit of treating his beasts well I think that he will treat
others equally well.
Granted! but when
we have found a man who seems worthy of our friendship, how are
we to set about making him our friend?First we should seek
guidance from the gods, whether they counsel us to make a friend
of him.And next? Supposing that we have chosen and the
gods approve him, can you say how is he to be
hunted?
Surely not like a
hare by swift pursuit, nor like birds by cunning, nor like
enemiesOr κάπροι, boars.
by force. It is no light task to
capture a friend against his will, and hard to keep him a
prisoner like a slave. Hatred, rather than friendship, comes of
that treatment.
But how does
friendship come?There are spells, they say, wherewith those who
know charm whom they will and make friends of them, and drugs
which those who know give to whom they choose and win their
love.
How then can we
learn them?You have heard from Homer the spell that the
Sirens put on Odysseus. It begins like this:Hither, come hither,
renowned Odysseus, great glory of the
Achaeans.
Hom. Od. 12.184Then did the Sirens chant in this strain for other folk too,
Socrates, so as
to keep those who were under the spell from leaving
them?
No, only for
those that yearned for the fame that virtue
gives.You mean, I take it, that the spell must be fitted to the
listener, so that he may not take the praise for
mockery.Yes; for to praise one for his beauty, his stature
and his strength who is conscious that he is short, ugly and
puny, is the way to repel him and make him dislike you
more.Do you know any other spells?
No, but I have
heard that Pericles knew many and put them on the city, and so
made her love him.And how did Themistocles make the city love
him?Not by spells: no, no; but by hanging some good amulet about
her.i.e., not by his
words, but by protecting Athens with ships and
fortifications.
I think you mean,
Socrates, that
if we are to win a good man’s friendship, we ourselves must be
good in word and deed alike?But you imagined that a bad man
could win the friendship of honest men?
I did,
answered Critobulus, for I saw that poor orators
have good speakers among their friends, and some who are
incapable of commanding an army are intimate with great
generals.
Coming then to
the point under discussion, do you know cases of useless persons
making useful friends?Assuredly not; but if it is impossible
that the bad should gain the friendship of gentlemen, then I am
anxious to know whether it is quite easy for a gentleman as a
matter of course to be the friend of gentlemen?
Your trouble is,
Critobulus, that you often find men who do good and shun evil
not on friendly terms, but apt to quarrel and treat one another
more harshly than worthless fellows.
Yes, said
Critobulus, and such conduct is not confined to
individuals, but even the cities that care most for the right
and have least liking for the wrong are often at
enmity.
These thoughts make me despair about
the acquisition of friends. For I see on the one hand that
rogues cannot be friends with one another — for how could the
ungrateful, the careless, the selfish, the faithless, the
incontinent, form friendships? I feel sure, then, that rogues
are by their nature enemies rather than friends.
But then, as you point out, neither
can rogues ever join in friendship with honest men, for how can
wrongdoers become friendly with those who hate their conduct?
And if we must add that the votaries of virtue strive with one
another for headship in cities, and envy and hate one another,
who then will be friends and where shall loyalty and
faithfulness be found?