STROBILUS

Now do you hold your tongue for the present, and, that lamb, whichever is the fatter of the two—

LYCONIDES

Very well Very well: Congrio answers "licet," by way of assent to Strobilus, thinking that he is asking him to take the fattest lamb, on which Strobilus gives him the leanest one. Hildyard suggests that Congrio fancies that Strobilus is asking which is the fattest cook, and not the fattest lamb, and accordingly says, "Very well," thereby admitting that he is the fattest of the two. If there is any such wit intended in the passage, it is very recondite..

STROBILUS

Do you, Congrio, take that, and go in-doors there pointing to EUCLIO'S house ; and to a MUSIC-GIRL and some of the PEOPLE with provisions do you follow him; the rest of you this way, to our house.

LYCONIDES

By my troth, you've made an unfair division; they've got the fattest lamb.

STROBILUS

But the fattest music-girl shall be given you then. Do you, therefore, go along with him, Phrygia Phrygia: "Phrygia" was an appropriate girl for a "tibicina," "music-girl," or female player on the flute, as that instrument was originally introduced from Phrygia, or Lydia, which adjoined it. Eleusium would probably derive her name from Eleusis in Attica, where the mysteries of Ceres were celebrated. Players on the "tibiæ" were much in request on festive occasions, especially at weddings, as in the present instance. The "tibicina" were probably hired in the market-place, the same way as the cooks.. And do you, Eleusium, step in-doors here, to our house.

LYCONIDES

O you crafty Strobilus, have you pushed me off here upon this most miserly old fellow, where if I ask for anything, I may ask even to hoarseness before anything's found me?

STROBILUS

'Tis very foolish, and 'tis thanklessly done, to do a service to you, when what you do goes for nothing.

LYCONIDES

But how so?

STROBILUS

Do you ask? In the first place then, there will be no confusion for you there in the house; if you want anything to use, bring it from your own home, don't lose your trouble in asking for it. But here, at our house, there's great confusion, and a large establishment— furniture, gold, garments, silver vessels. If anything's lost here (as I know that you can easily You can easily: "Facile," "easily," seems a preferable reading to "facere." If the latter reading is adopted, there are three consecutive verbs in the infinitive mood, which, even in the (occasionally) uncouth language of Plautus, sounds very uneuphoniously, "Facere abstinere posse." keep hands off—if nothing's in your way), they may say, "The cooks have stolen it; seize them, bind them, beat them, thrust them in the dungeon" In the dungeon: "Puteus" here signifies the black hole or dungeon underground (called also "ergastulum"), where the refractory slaves were put in confinement.. Nothing of that sort will happen to you, inasmuch as there will be nothing for you to steal. Follow me this way.

LYCONIDES

I follow.

STROBILUS

knocking at the door of EUCLIO'S house. Ho, there Staphyla, come out and open the door.

STAPHYLA

from within. Who calls there? STRO. Strobilus.

Enter STAPHYLA.STAPHYLA

What do you want?

STROBILUS

For you to take in these cooks, and this music-girl, and these provisions for the wedding. Megadorus bade me take these things to Euclio.

STAPHYLA

Are you about to make this wedding, Strobilus, in honor of Ceres In honor of Ceres : The old woman probably alludes to the Thesmophoria, where abstinence from wine was especially practised, and which were celebrated in a state of fasting and purification. Her question here tends to confirm the suspicion that she was more fond of the "merum" than the "mixtum," reference to which has already been made?

STROBILUS

Why?

STAPHYLA

Because I don't see any wine brought.

STROBILUS

Why, that will be brought just now, when he himself comes back from the market.

STAPHYLA

There's no firewood here in our house.

LYCONIDES

There are the beams.

STAPHYLA

I' faith, there are.

LYCONIDES

There is wood, then; don't you be seeking it out of doors.

STAPHYLA

What, you unpurified fellow You unpurified fellow: "Impurate." "You that are unpurified, in spite of your everlastingly stewing over the fire." She alludes, figuratively, to the process of smelting and purifying metals by the action of fire., although your business is with the fire, for the sake of a dinner, or of your own hire, do you request us to set our house on fire?

LYCONIDES

I don't ask you.

STROBILUS

Take them in-doors.

STAPHYLA

Follow me. They follow her in-doors, and STROBILUS goes with the others into the house of MEGADORUS.

Enter PYTHODICUS, from the house of MEGADORUS.PYTHODICUS

Mind you your business; I'll step in and see what the cooks are doing, to observe whom, i' faith, to-day it is a most laborious task. Unless I manage this one thing, for them to cook the dinner down in the dungeon In the dungeon: By the use of the word "puteus" he may possibly mean the black hole or dungeon alluded to in l. 301, whence there was no means of agress but by being drawn up. He means to say that such a place will be the only one for preventing the cooks from thieving whatever comes in their way. The thievish propensities of the hired cooks are also referred to in the Pseudolus.; thence, when cooked, we might bring it up again in small baskets. But if they should eat below Should eat below: He reflects that if they are put in the "puteus" to prevent their thieving, they may possibly revenge themselves by eating up the victuals as fast as they cook it. whatever they should cook, those above would go without their dinner, and those below have dined. But here am I chattering, as though I had no business, when there's such a pack of thieves in the house. Goes into the house.

Enter EUCLIO, with some chaplets of flowers in his hand.EUCLIO

I wished at length to screw up my courage to-day, so as to enjoy myself at the wedding of my daughter. I come to the market, I enquire about fish; they tell me that it is dear, that lamb is dear, beef is dear, veal, large fish Large fish: "Cetus" or "cete" properly signifies fish of the whale or dolphin kind; it perhaps means here simply the larger and coarser fish in use among the Romans, like plaice or codfish with us. He probably would not ask the price of "pisciculi," or "small fish," as their dearness would terrify him out of his wits., and pork, all of them are dear. And for this reason were they still dearer; I hadn't the money. I came away thence in a rage, since I had nothing wherewithal to make a purchase; and thus did I baulkDid I baulk: "Manum adire" probably signified "to kiss the hand" to a person when expecting something more than that, and thereby "to make a fool of him." He asked the prices of all the commodities, and probably chaffered about them, then kissed his hand to the dealers, and left the market without purchasing. Some think it alludes to a feint or baulk made in wrestling. all those rascals. Then I began to think with myself upon the road, "If you are guilty of any extravagance on a festive day, you may be wanting on a common day, unless you are saving." After I disclosed this reasoning to my heart and appetite, my mind came over to my opinion, that I ought to give my daughter in marriage at as little expense as possible. Now I've bought a bit of frankincense, and these chaplets of flowers; these shall be placed upon the hearth for our household God, that he may grant a propitious marriage to my daughter. But what do I—? Do I behold my house open? There's a noise, too, within; is it that I'm robbed, wretch that I am?

LYCONIDES

speaking within the house. Seek of the neighbours a bigger potA bigger pot: Congrio is bawling out within doors for a bigger "aula," "pot" or "jar," to be brought for his cooking, on which the old hunck thinks that some thieves have discovered his own dear "aula." if you can; this one's too little, it can't hold it.

EUCLIO

Woe to me! By my faith, I'm a dead man; the gold's being carried off—my pot's being looked for. I am certainly murdered, unless I make haste to run with all haste in-doors here! Apollo, prithee do assist and help me, whom thou hast already, before this, helped in such circumstances. Pierce with thine arrows the plunderers of my treasures. But am I delaying to run, before I perish outright. He runs into his house.

Enter ANTHRAX, from the house of MEGADORUS.ANTHRAX

speaking to some within. Dromo, do you scale the fish. Do you, Machærio, have the conger and the lamprey boned. I'm going to ask the loan of a baking-pan of our neighbour Congrio. You, if you are wise, will have that capon more smoothly picked for me than is a plucked play-actor A plucked play-actor: The actors, having to perform the parts of women and beardless youths, were obliged to remove superfluous hair from the face, which was effected "vellendo," "by plucking it out," whence the term "volsus.". But what's this clamour that's arising here hard by? By my faith, the cooks, I do believe, are at their usual pranks At their usual pranks: "Faciunt officium suum." Literally "are doing their duty." He says this ironically; on hearing the row going on in Euclio's house, he supposes that the cooks are up to their old tricks of thieving and wrangling.. I'll run in-doors, lest there may be any disturbance here for me as well. Retreats into the house of MEGADORUS.

Enter CONGRIO, in haste, from the house of EUCLIO.LYCONIDES

roaring out. Beloved fellow-citizens, fellow- countrymen, inhabitants, neighbours, and all strangers, do make way for me to escape! Make all the streets clear! Never have I at any time, until this day, come to BacchantsTo Bacchants: The Bacchants, or frantic female worshippers of Bacchus, with their rites, have been alluded to in a Note at the commencement of the Bacchides., in a Bacchanalian den, to cook; so sadly have they mauled wretched me and my scullions with their sticks. I'm aching all over, and am utterly done for; that old fellow has so made a bruising schoolA bruising school: Literally, "a Gymnasium." The Gymnasium was the place where vigorous exercise was taken; so Congrio means to say that Euclio has been taking exercise in basting his back. of me; and in such a fashion has he turned us all out of the house, myself and them, laden with sticks. Nowhere, in all the world, have I ever seen wood dealt out more plentifully. Alackaday! by my faith, to my misery, I'm done for; the Bacchanalian den is opening, here he comes. He's following us. I know the thing I'll do: that the master himself The master himself: By "magister" he probably means Euclio, whom he styles the master of the Gymnasium, whose duty it was to train the pupils in the various exercises. He says that his master has taught him a trick, namely, how to defend himself. which in the next Scene he threatens to do. has taught me.

Enter EUCLIO, from his house, driving the COOKS and the MUSIC GIRL before him.EUCLIO

(calling out, while CONGRIO and the others are running off) Come back! Where are you running to, now? Hold you!

LYCONIDES

Why are you crying out, you stupid?

EUCLIO

Because this instant I shall give your name to the Triumvirs To the Triumvirs: "Trisviros." Though the scene is in Greece he refers to the "Triumviri capitales," who were Roman magistrates. They took cognizance of capital crimes, and they apprehended criminals. In conjunction with the Ædiles, they had to preserve the public peace, to prevent unlawful assemblies, and to enforce the payment of fines due to the state. They had also the care of the public prisons, and to them was entrusted the punishment of criminals. They had authority to inflict summary punishment upon the slaves and the lower orders, though, probably, not upon those who enjoyed the rights of Roman citizens..

LYCONIDES

Why?

EUCLIO

Because you've got a knife.

LYCONIDES

'Tis the proper thing for a cook.

EUCLIO

Why did you threaten me?

LYCONIDES

I think that it was badly managed, that I didn't pierce your side with it.

EUCLIO

There's not a person that's living this day a greater rascal than you, nor one to whom designedly I would with greater pleasure cause a mischief.

LYCONIDES

I' faith, though I' faith, though: In Hildyard's edition this and the next line are given to Euclio; but they seem much more likely to belong to Congrio, as we do not find that any person has beat Euclio with sticks, whereas Congrio has already complained of the rough usage he has experienced. you should hold your noise, really that's quite clear; the thing itself is its own witness. As it is, I'm made softer by far with your sticks than any ballet-dancer. But what right have you to touch us, you beggarman? What's the matter?

EUCLIO

Do you even ask me? Is it that I've done less than I ought to have done? Only let me— Is going to strike him.

LYCONIDES

Now, by my faith, at your great peril, if this head should feel it!

EUCLIO

Troth, I don't know what may happen What may happen: Euclio is laughing at his "ifs," which commence the saving-clause of all cowards. He does not care what Congrio will do but he knows that he has already made his head to feel it. hereafter; your head feels it just now! But what business, pray, had you in my house, in my absence, unless I had ordered you? I want to know that.

LYCONIDES

Hold your noise, then; because we came to cook for the wedding.

EUCLIO

Why the plague do you trouble yourself whether I eat meat raw or cooked, unless you are my tutor You are my tutor: One of the duties of the "pædagogus," or "tutor of boys," would be to see that they did not eat unwholesome food..

LYCONIDES

I want to know if you will allow or not allow us to cook the dinner here?

EUCLIO

I, too, want to know whether my property will be safe in my house.

LYCONIDES

I only wish to carry the things away safe that I brought here! I don't care for yours; should I be coveting your things?

EUCLIO

I understand; don't teach me; I know.

LYCONIDES

What is it, on account of which you now hinder us from cooking the dinner here? What have we done? What have we said to you otherwise than you could wish?

EUCLIO

Do you even ask me, you rascally fellow? You who've been making a thoroughfare of every corner of my house, and the places under lock and key? If you had stopped by the fireside, where it was your business, you wouldn't have had your head broken. It has been done for you deservedly! Therefore that you may now know my determination; if you come nearer to the door here, unless I order you, I'll make you to be the most wretched of creatures. Do you now know my determination? He goes into his house.

LYCONIDES

Where are you going? Come you back again! So may Laverna So may Laverna: Laverna was a Goddess worshipped by the thievish fraternity at Rome, as their tutelar Divinity. Horace makes mention of her in his Epistles, B. 1, Ep. 16. love me well, I'll expose you at once with loud abuse here before the house, if you don't order my utensils to be restored to me! What shall I do now? Verily, by my faith, I came here with unlucky auspices; I was hired for a didrachm For a didrachm: "Nummo." It has been remarked, in the Notes to the Pseudolus, that a "nummus," or didrachm, of nearly twenty-pence of our money, was the wages of a good cook for a day's employment. See the Pseudolus, ll. 800—810.; I stand in more need now of a surgeon than of wages.