Philosophy Heracles, who is this comely person with a lyre?

Hera It is Orpheus. I was on the Argo with him. He was the best of boatswains; it was quite a pleasure to row to his singing. Welcome, my musical friend: you have not forgotten Heracles, I hope?

Orpheus And welcome to all of you, Philosophy, Heracles, Hermes. I should like my reward, please: I can lay my finger on your man.

Hera Then show us the way. It is useless, of course, to offer gold to the gifted son of Calliope?

Orpheus Oh, quite.—I will show you the house, but not the man. His tongue might avenge him; scurrility is his strong point.

Hera Lead on.

Orpheus It is this house close by. And now I shall leave you; I have no wish to set eyes on him.

Hera Hush! Was that a woman’s voice, reciting Homer?

Philosophy It was. Let us listen.

Innkeeper’s Wife More than the gates of Hell I hate that man Who, loving gold, cloaketh his love with lies.

Hera At that rate, madam, you will have to quarrel with Cantharus: He with his kindly host hath dealt amiss.

Innkeeper That’s me. I took him in, and he ran away with my wife.

Innkeeper's WifeWine-witted knave, deer-hearted and dog-eyed,Thersites, babbler loose, that nought availestIn council, nought in arms; most valiant daw,That with thine aimless chatter chidest kings,— First Master. My rascal to a T.

Innkeeper's WifeThe dog in thee—for thou art dog and goatAnd lion—doth a blasting fury breathe.

Innkeeper Wife, wife! the dogs have been too many for you; ay, and for your virtue, so men say.

Hera Hope for the best; some little Cerberus or Geryon shall call you father, and Heracles have employment again.—Ah, no need to knock: here they come.

First Master Ha, Cantharus, have I got you? What, nothing to say for yourself? Let us see what you have in that wallet; beans, no doubt, or a crust of bread.

Hera Bread, indeed! Gold, a purseful of it!

Hera That need not surprise you. In Greece, you see, he was a Cynic, but here he is all for golden Chrysippus. Next you will see him dangling, Cleanthes-likeSee Cleanthes in Notes., by his beard, and serve the dirty fellow right.

Second Master Ha, you rascal there, am I mistaken, or are you my lost Lecythio? Lecythio it is, What a figure! Lecythio a philosopher! I'll believe anything after this.

Hera Does none of you know anything about this other?

Third Master Oh yes, he is_mine; but he may go hang for me.

Hera And why is that?

Third Master Ah, he’s a sadly leaky vessel, is Rosolio, as we used to call him.

Hera Gracious Heracles! did you hear that? Rosolio with wallet and stick!—Friend, here is your wife again.

Innkeeper Thank you for nothing. Ill have no woman brought to bed of an old book in my house.

Hera How am I to understand that?

Innkeeper Why, the Three-headed Dog is a book, master?

Hera Ay, and so was the Man with the Three Hats, for that Matter.

Masters. We leave the rest to you, sir.

Hera This is my judgement. Let the woman return beneath her husband’s roof, or many-headed monsters will come of it. These two truant sparks I hand over to their owners: let them follow their trades as heretofore; Lecythio wash clothes, and Rosolio patch them;—not, however, before his back has felt the mallow-stalk, And for Cantharus, first let the men of pitch take him, and plaster him without mercy; and be their pitch the vilest procurable. Then let him be led forth to stand upon the snowy slopes of Haemus, naked and fettered.

Cantharus Mercy! have mercy onme! Ah me! I am undone!

First Master So tragic?. Come, follow me to the plasterers; and off with that lion’s-skin, lest you be taken for other than an ass.