and began to read. The verses were these, if I remember right : O what a maiden in the hallsOf AristaenetusHer gentle nurture had, our queenCleanthis glorious !Superior to other maidsAs many as there be,Than Aphrodite prettierAnd Helen eke is she.To you, O groom, a greeting too,Most handsome of your matesAnd handsomer than those of oldOf whom Homer relates.We unto you the song you hearWill sing repeatedlyTo celebrate your wedding-day :It’s made for both you see !The translator’s version is perhaps better than the original : it could not, be worse.

That caused a laugh, as you can imagine; and then it was time to take what was set before us. Aristaenetus and Eucritus each took the portion in front of him: I took what was mine and Chaereas what was set before him, and Ion and Cleodemus did likewise. But Diphilus wanted to carry off not only his own but all that had been served for Zeno, who was away; he said that it had been served to him alone, and fought with the servants. They caught hold of the bird and tried to pull it away from each other as if they were tugging at the body of Patroclus, and at last he was beaten and let go. He made the company laugh heartily, especially because he was indignant afterwards, just as if he had been done the greatest possible wrong.

Hermon and Zenothemis were lying side by side, as I have said, Zenothemis above and Hermon below him. The shares served them were identical in all but one point, and they began to take them peaceably. But the bird in front of Hermon was the plumper, just by chance, no doubt. In that case too each should have taken his own, but at this juncture Zenothemis—follow me closely, Philo, for we have now reached the crisis of events—Zenothemis, I say, let the bird beside him alone and proceeded to take the one before Hermon, which was fatter, as I have said. Hermon, however, seized it also and would not let him be greedy. Thereat there was a shout: they fell on and actually hit one another in the face with the birds, and each caught the other by the beard and called for help, Hermon to Cleodemus, and Zenothemis to Alcidamus and Diphilus. The philosophers took sides, some with one, and some with the other, except Ion alone.

That man kept himself neutral, and they pitched in and fought. Zenothemis picked up a bowl that was on the table in front of Aristaenetus and threw it at Hermon, And him it missed and went another way; Cf. Iliad 11, 233 but it cracked the crown of the bridegroom, inflicting a wound that was generous and deep. Consequently there was an outcry from the women, and most of them sprang to the battle-field, especially the lad’s mother when she saw the blood; and the bride also sprang from her place in alarm over him. Meanwhile Alcidamas distinguished himself on the side of Zenothemis. Laying about him with his staff, he broke the head of Cleodemus and the jaw of Hermon, and he disabled several of the servants who were trying to rescue them. But the -other side did not give way, for Cleodemus with a stifl finger gouged out the eye of Zenothemis and got him by the nose and bit it off, while as for Hermon, when Diphilus was coming to the support of Zenothemis he threw him head first from the couch.

Histiaeus the grammarian was wounded, too, in trying to separate them—he was kicked .in the teeth, I think, by Cleodemus, who supposed him to be Diphilus. At all events the poor fellow was laid low, “vomiting gore,” as his own Homer says. The whole place, however, was full of noise and tears, and the women, gathered about Chaereas, were wailing, while the rest of the men were trying to quiet things down. Alcidamas wes the greatest nuisance in the world, for when he had once routed his opponents he hit everybody that fell in his way. Many would have gone down before him, you may be sure, if he had not broken his staff. As for me, I stood by the wall and watched the whole performance without taking part in it, for Histiaeus had taught me how - tisky it is to try to part such fights. You would have said they were Lapiths and Centaurs, to see tables going over, blood flowing and cups flying.

At last Alcidamas knocked over the lamp-stand and brought on profound darkness, and as you can imagine, the situation became far worse, for it was not easy for them to provide more light, while on the other hand many dire deeds were done in the darkness. When some one finally came in with a lamp, Alcidamas was caught stripping the flute-girl and trying to ravish her, while Dionysodorus was found to have done something else that was ridiculous, for as he got up a bowl fell out of the folds of his cloak. Then by way of clearing himself he said that Ion had picked it up in the confusion and had given it to him, so that it might not get lost; and Ion considerately said that he had done so.

Thereupon the dinner-party broke up. After the tears, it had ended in a new burst of laughter over Alcidamas, Dionysodorus and Ion. The wounded men were carried away in sorry condition, especially the old man Zenothemis, who had one hand on his nose and the other on his eye and was shouting that he was dying with pain, so that Hermon, in spite of his own sad plight (for he had had two teeth knocked out) called attention to it and said: “Just remember, Zenothemis, that you do consider pain of some cunsequence, after all!” The bridegroom, after his wound had been dressed by Dionicus, was taken home with his head wrapped in bandages, in the carriage in which he had expected to take away his bride ; it was a bitter wedding that he celebratcd, poor fellow! As for the rest, Dionicus did the best he could for them and they were taken of to bed, most of them vomiting in the streets. But Alcidamas stayed right there, for they could not turn the man out, once he had thrown himself down crosswise on the couch and gone to sleep.

Well, Philo, that was the end of the dinner-party: it would be better, though, to say at the close as they do in the plays of Euripides: In many shapes appear the powers above,And many things the gods surprise us with,While those we look for do not come about.These lines occur at the close of the Alcestis, the Andromache, the Barchae and the Helen, and, with a slight change, in the Medea. For all of it, you know, was quite unexpected. This much, however, I have at last learned, that it is not safe for a man of peace to dine with men so learned.