Miles Gloriosus
Plautus, Titus Maccius
Plautus. The Comedies of Plautus, Volume 1. Riley, H. T., translator. London: G. Bell and Sons, Ltd., 1912.
- The Gods confound me if I did drink—if I could drink.
- Why so?
- Because, in fact, I only sipped; for it was too hot; it burnt my throat.
- Some are gloriously drunk, while others are drinking vinegar-water[*](Vinegar-water: Poscawas the name of the mixture of vinegar and water which constituted the drink of the Roman soldiers, the lower classes, and the slaves. Palaestrio grumbles on finding that while he is drinking vinegar and water his fellow-slave is enjoying himself on mulled wine.). The cellar’s trusted to an honest butler, as well as under-butler.
- I’ faith, you’d be doing the same, if it was entrusted to you. Since you can’t follow our example, you are envious now.
- Come, now, did he ever draw any wine before this? Answer me, you rascal. And, that you may understand it, I give you this notice: if you purposely tell me an untruth, you shall be put to the torture.
- Indeed so? That you may inform, forsooth, that I told you; and then I shall be turned out of my fattening post in the cellar, that you may find another under-butler to draw for your own self.
- On my honour, I will not; come, speak out boldly to me.
- By my troth, I never saw him draw any. But thus was it; he requested me, and then I drew it.
- Think of that now! very frequently, I guess, the casks were standing on their heads[*](Standing on their heads: He means to say that the amphorae, no doubt, were often turned bottom upwards for the purpose of pouring out their contents.) there.
- No, faith, the casks would not[*](The casks would not: The whole of this passage is of somewhat obscure signification. The two lines probably mean, The casks (cadi) would not have fallen down there so very much, had it not been that one part of the cellar was very slippery indeed. He then shows how (sic) the pot was put close by the casks, so that, they slipping down, it was filled as often as ten times in one day; and he concludes by saying, that when the pot acted the Bacchanal (debacchabatur), the casks slipped down again. Probably by acting the Bacchanal he means to say that the pot got filled and was then emptied, just like the Bacchanals, who, doubtless, were not particular at vomiting a part of the enormous quantities of wine which they imbibed; and he naively tells the truth, by saying that the cask slipping was the result of the pot being emptied, and so laying the fault more upon the pot than the drinker.) have stood so very badly there. But there happened to be in the cellar a bit of a slippery spot; a two-pint pot was placed there, near the casks, in this fashion shows the way. Frequently, that was filled ten times in a day. When the pot acted the reveller, the casks were all tottering.
- Get you gone in-doors. Both of you, I find, are acting the revellers in the wine-cellar. I’ faith, I shall fetch my master home just now from the Forum.
- aside. I’m ruined. My master, when he comes home, will have me tortured, when he knows of these doings. I’ faith, I’ll fly somewhither, and put off this punishment to another day. To the AUDIENCE. don’t you tell him [*](don’t you tell him: These occasional addresses to the Spectators, in the middle of the dialogue, were made in the same spirit and for the same purpose for which the clown on our stage addresses his jokes to the audience, namely, to provoke a hearty laugh.), I do entreat you most earnestly. He is going.
- Whither are you betaking yourself?
- I am sent elsewhere: I’ll come back here just now.
- Who has sent you?
- Philocomasium.
- Go; be back directly.
- If it is divided, prithee do you only take my share of the punishment while I’m away. (Exit LUCRIO.)