Miles Gloriosus

Plautus, Titus Maccius

Plautus. The Comedies of Plautus, Volume 1. Riley, H. T., translator. London: G. Bell and Sons, Ltd., 1912.

  1. Well, he’s off; nor cares he any more for his master’s business than if he were not in his service. For sure she really is now here in-doors in the house, for I myself found her just now lying down in our house. I am resolved now to employ myself in watching. Places himself against the CAPTAIN’S door.
Enter PERIPLECOMENUS from his house.
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. Faith, but these men here, these servants of my neighbour the Captain, take me not to be a man, but a woman, so much do they trifle with me. My lady guest, who came here yesterday from Athens with the gentleman, my guest, is she to be mauled about and made fun of here in the street—a lady, free-born and free?
SCELEDRUS
  1. aside. By my troth, I’m undone. He’s coming in a straight line up towards me. I fear that this matter may cause me great trouble, so far as I have heard this old gentleman speak.
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. I’ll up to this fellow. Was it you, Sceledrus, source of mischief, that were just now making fun of my lady guest before the house?
SCELEDRUS
  1. Good neighbour, listen, I beg.
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. I, listen to you?
SCELEDRUS
  1. I wish to clear myself.
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. You, clear yourself to me, who have done an action so gross and so unbecoming? And because you are soldiers[*](Because you are soldiers: He alludes to the lawless character of the mercenary soldier, whose name, latro, came afterwards to be applied to robbers and cut-throats of all descriptions. It may be here remarked, that the word miles, which is applied throughout the play to their master, the Captain, is a general term for one following the profession of arms, whether officer or private. The word is translated Captain, without reference to his rank, any further than that he was a commanding officer.), do you suppose, you gallows-bird, that you may do what you like with us?
SCELEDRUS
  1. May I—?
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. But so may all the Gods and Goddesses prosper me, if a punishment with the rod[*](With the rod: The slaves were more frequently beaten with flagra, or whips; but they were sometimes scourged with virgae, or rods. This was done by the lorarius, a slave who was kept for the purpose) is not given to you at my request, a long and lasting one, from morning to evening; because you have been breaking my gutters and my tiles, while you were following there a monkey like your own self [*](Like your own self: Condignam te;literally, worthy, or deserving of yourself.); because, too, you have been peeping down from there at my guest in my house, when he was caressing and fondling his mistress; besides, you have dared to accuse the chaste lady of your master of criminality, and myself of a heinous offence; and further, because you have dared to maul about my lady guest before my house. If the punishment of the whip is not given to you, I will cause your master to be more laden with disgrace than the sea is full of waves in a heavy storm.
SCELEDRUS
  1. I am driven to such straits, Periplecomenus, that I don’t know whether it is fitter for me rather to dispute this matter with you, or whether, if she is not our lady, and if our lady was not seen by me, it seems more proper for me to excuse myself to you; as even now I don’t know which I saw, so like is that guest of yours to our lady—if, indeed, she is not the same person.
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. Go into my house and look: you’ll soon see.
SCELEDRUS
  1. May I go?
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. Why, I command you; go and examine at your leisure.
SCELEDRUS
  1. I am determined to do so. Goes into the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. probably looking up to a window in the CAPTAIN’S house. Ho! Philocomasium[*](Philocomasium: Directly Sceledrus turns his back, the old man calls out for Philocomasium, who is supposed at that moment to be in the Captain’s house. How he does so is somewhat of a mystery to the Commentators. Thornton, in his translation, suggests that he calls through the window, where it is natural to imagine that Philocomasium might be stationed within hearing to observe all that passed. He could hardly, however, call through the window of the ground floor, as these were generally more than six feet from the ground; and, indeed, there were rarely any windows at all on the basement. It is most likely that Philocomasium is hidden behind the clatrior lattice of the window in her room on the first-floor, whence she observes all that passes. In a future line we find Acroteleutium and Milphidippa owning that they had been watching from the window what was going on outside. Schmieder thinks that the whole plan having been prearranged between Periplecomenus and Philocomasium, he merely on this occasion makes a sign to her, the meaning of which is here expressed in words, and he supposes, what it does not deem necessary to suppose, that his servants have been ordered to delay Sceledrus, so as to give time to the damsel to pass through into his house.)! pass instantly, with all speed, into my house; ’tis absolutely necessary. Afterwards, when Sceledrus shall have come out from my house, pass quickly, with all haste, back again to your own house. By my troth, now, I’m afraid she’ll be making some blunder. Should he not see the woman --- My door opens.
Enter SCLEDRUS from the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.
SCELEDRUS
  1. O ye immortal Gods! A woman more like, and more the same, who is not the same, I do not think the Gods could make.
PERIPLECOMENUS
  1. What now?
SCELEDRUS
  1. I certainly merit chastisement.