Miles Gloriosus

Plautus, Titus Maccius

Plautus. The Comedies of Plautus, Volume 1. Riley, H. T., translator. London: G. Bell and Sons, Ltd., 1912.

  1. But how, two ways?
PALAESTRIO
  1. I’ll tell you. First then, if you falsely accuse Philocomasium, by that you are undone; in the next place, if it is true, having been appointed her keeper, there you are undone.
SCELEDRUS
  1. What may happen to me, I know not; I know for certain that I did see this.
PALAESTRIO
  1. Do you persist in it, unfortunate wretch?
SCELEDRUS
  1. What would you have me say to you, but that I did see her? Moreover, she is in there, next door, at this very moment.
PALAESTRIO
  1. What! Isn’t she at home?
SCELEDRUS
  1. Go and see. Go in-doors yourself; for I don’t ask now for any confidence to be put in me.
PALAESTRIO
  1. I’m determined to do so.
SCELEDRUS
  1. I’ll wait here for you. PALAESTRIO goes into the CAPTAIN’S house. SCLEDRUS, alone.
SCELEDRUS
  1. In this direction will I be on the watch for her, how soon the heifer may betake herself from the pasture this way towards her stall. What now shall I do? The Captain gave me to her as her keeper. Now, if I make a discovery, I’m undone; if I am silent, still I am undone, if this should be discovered. What is there more abandoned or more daring than a woman? While I was upon the tiles, this woman betook herself out of doors from her dwelling. By my troth, ’twas a brazen act she did. If, now, the Captain were to know of this, i’ faith, I believe he would pull down the whole entire house next door, and me he would send to the gibbet.[*](To the gibbet: Crucem.Literally. cross.) Whatever comes of it, i’ faith, I’ll hold my tongue rather than come to a bad end. I cannot keep effectual guard on a woman that puts herself up for sale.
PALAESTRIO
  1. Sceledrus, Sceledrus, what one man is there on earth more impudent than yourself? Who more than yourself has been born with the Deities hostile and enraged?
SCELEDRUS
  1. What’s the matter?
PALAESTRIO
  1. Do you want those eyes of yours gouged out, with which you see what never existed?
SCELEDRUS
  1. How, what never existed?
PALAESTRIO
  1. I would not buy your life at the price of a rotten nut.
SCELEDRUS
  1. Why, what’s the matter?
PALAESTRIO
  1. What’s the matter, do you ask?
SCELEDRUS
  1. And why shouldn’t I ask?
PALAESTRIO
  1. Why don’t you beg for that tongue of yours to be cut out, that prates so at random?
SCELEDRUS
  1. Why should I beg for that?